10 Minute Rule

Just the other day, the Lady Talis introduced me to the term Toxic positivity. The concept there is that saying ‘silver lining’ statements is a form of toxic behavior that, at the least, downplays the power of the negative experience when often it is important to stay in that moment of or recognize the importance and value of the negative moment. All of that got me thinking about toxicity itself, and the almost virulent polarizing quality it has taken on in “American” society.

I will start by acknowledging how much I don’t know on the issue. While I say things are bad now, I am likely dealing with a recency bias. I don’t know how bad things have always been. What I do know is that social media provides me a lot easier access to opinions and toxic material. In fact, I went back for another 10 minute twitter stroll and learned that holy crap people are angry over everything. From the divisive rhetoric focused on the two presidential candidates, to sports talk, to religion and war, everyone has a side to take.

I don’t really understand why some people are terribly polarizing. I watch it in real time every day as I tune in to the Coach Prime media circus. I’m watching it unfold as people put their opinion on Cormani McClain, the former High School 5-Star who walked away from the program. He didn’t go quietly. His recent comments about wanting to play for a “real and great program” and “don’t want to play for clicks” show that. The latter comment is a reference to what the Oregon coach said about Prime and his program, which does offer at least a little bit of a window into the mind of a player being pursued by Oregon at his next stop.

Here’s the thing: He’s a kid. He’s an immature kid who has always been treated like the best in the world–to the point where he’s posting videos of his workouts (what’s that about not playing for clicks?). Of course, the real about McClain’s maturity comes not from Sanders but from former coaches at every level that warn about his low work effort and desire to do the things needed at the next level and to reach the next level.

Again, Prime is not for everyone. He’s teaching kids how to get where he got the way that he got there. He’s looking for the next Prime every season to come in and show that kid the path. Cormani wanted to go his own way, and I hope he is successful. That last bit IS the controversy. People are treating the CB’s future success as Prime’s failure and vice versa. It isn’t about that at all. This is all about love. Some people are in different places and at different levels, but everyone is on the same journey. Every one wants to get to the top. What I never got is the hate that some people give to those trying to do it in the best way they know how. Prime is doing that. He’s already had success doing that. Sure, they weren’t the best team, but nobody expected that. What they were, is 300% better than they were a year before. If he can keep adding wins and adding talent, there is no way he does anything but succeed.

Not for nothing, the best-selling pokemon game is based around a world where people capture and breed wild animals only to have them fight each other. Mike Vick went to jail for that.

As you may have guessed, this is a rant. Maybe not a pure rant but one that has a few things that I need to ‘get off my chest’ so to speak. I am in a mental space where stress is my primary. Most of that stems from the unfortunate reality of my life, which is most of the people in it hate me or want to use me or take me for granted or seek to further their manipulations in ways I cannot fully explain or describe.

Let’s start at the beginning. I am divorced. In the years following that divorce my mother decided that she preferred a relationship with my ex-wife to one with her own son. This has worsened over the years to the point where now as my mid kid is graduating, my ex is the one hosting my mother-in-law who, and this is true, won’t even tell me where she is staying or even when she is coming. As hate begets hate in my world I have opted to end all future personal contact with her. I’ll send flowers for birthdays and holidays, but I have absolutely nothing left to say to that person. Or the ex, really. Except the ex is always around the sporting events with the kids. So I live in a world where I am faced with hate and manipulation all the time and the things I most enjoy being a part of carry with them the odor of interactions I don’t want to have. Even if I avoid those interactions there is always the perception and concern at home they are still occurring… which is worse.

I think everyone deserves to be happy and deserves an opportunity to enjoy the world around them. For me enjoyment is difficult because there is a constant cloud over everything I love and an unspoken indication that I need to figure out new and different shit to love. Except that isn’t natural or healthy, is it?

He wrote:

Americans are guilt obsessed and sex obsessed and the two clash, sparking fury like swords in the night.

He deleted night and replaced it with darkness finding the latter word more appealing to the sense of emptiness he felt when he reflected on the state of the American people. The latter felt like there was no hope while the former suggested day might come. As he sat staring out his second story window towards rows and rows of identical windows and rooms filling the Arizona streets he decided, if only to himself, that it was long past a chance for daylight.

Ahmir didn’t arrive to this conclusion or even this place by choice. His mother brought him here in his pre-teens, primarily because of the real estate market. His parents sold their shitty little two bedroom in Leimart Park, CA for 750,000 dollars. He remembered the moment, because he’d thought at the time that his family was millionaires, even if the sale price was missing a zero. It helped his imagination that the money they got from the sale was enough to buy a house four times as large in an Arizona suburb. Now they lived in a home that was over 5,000 square feet with three cars all bought and paid for, slowly depreciating in the driveway. He wrote:

If not for the advent of media technology like X (formerly known as twitter) and Instagram, and a host of more directly sex-focused interchanges, perhaps the culture would allow itself to be centered in reality as opposed to being fooled into thinking the digital realities thrust forward are real and thus are ample grounds upon which to wage the new culture wars.

His hand hovered over the keyboard, trying to find his next thought. He was tired. It was barely 5 AM. He hadn’t slept more than three hours, tossing and turning and sweating even in the chill of the AC. His mind raged, but he could not find the words to sate himself.

Some Thoughts:

1. Just barely a minute left here on the clock and I wanted to bring forward an update and an explanation. Ahmir is going to be a part of this summer’s novel. This section may even find it’s way into the text in some form. I made the decision to ‘write what I know’ and moved the location of the novel from Texas to Arizona. The politics of Texas were what drew me to the location, but living here has shown me that I need not look far from home for what I seek…

When Cormani dipped from Colorado everyone was aghast. WOW Deion is losing his dog–a favored player–a 5STAR! I didn’t panic. Now Alton McCaskill is dipping and I am completely chastened. Everything I have ever believed about Sanders is wrong. I bow at the feet of the people who all knew better and knew that Colorado was destined for failure because there is no possible way this man can keep players or even understands how to coach and lead a college football team–especially at this hallowed level. I repent all of my Sandersisms.

Nah, I’m playing. Seriously, this is what I think haters expect to hear and if they actually ever did hear that from a fervent Sanders fan, they would enjoy it for a moment and then move on. I’d prefer to simply move on from the hate because those who hate like that will never love me and thus they will never mean anything to me. They will hold no value in my life–not even proving them wrong, because they are not at all what this is about. For me this is about watching a man I respect build something new and different and have a real chance of building a system that is lasting and good. For as much as we knock the use of the portal, College players are only around for 4 years, so the rotations–especially in light of now having no transfer restrictions or limitations–will continue to be shorter. Until a team is Michigan or Ohio State or ‘Bama you are not getting 4 year guys. Dig in the portal and take a shot at finding someone who believes in what you are building and then work with that. Prime has been trying, and some of these portal kids are jumping back in in order to find a better fit, or in the case of this RB, more playing time. His father writes:

“If my sons not RB1 We Gotta Go…. He was ready last year! He’s a 100% this year! Unfortunately have to find another home where there’s no favoritism and he is valued, appreciated and has no doubts about RB1… He is the best RB in Colorado…But He Not settling! We Going! Thank you Colorado for your hospitality! #McCaskillStrong #WeGoing #RB1 #Proven”

He may be right! However, he may not be right for the system, and we’ve seen on the pro level that if you aren’t right for the system you don’t play. PRIME Ezekiel Elliot saw reduced minutes once there was a coaching change in Dallas. New system. That is how it works on every level past youth. I am not mad at any player hopping in the portal to find a better fit and perhaps more NIL collective money. This is a tough industry and you need to find $$ as soon and often as possible. AM knew that. He knows he needs to take control of his future and not sit behind other backs. He himself wrote:

The only person that has any input or any influence with my decisions is me. My apologies some opinions were voiced that may leave people appalled . Please do not let that be a reflection of my character and the integrity of my career.

I hope he continues to chase his dreams. What Prime wanted him for wasn’t working for him. However, he’ll find a fit soon enough.

Word came down the other day that mercurial 5star cornerback Cormani McClain would be hitting the transfer portal. Of course this instantly became a referendum on Deion Sanders and how he is already a failure and will always be a failure because, well, because he’s loud and arrogant I guess? I really truly am tired of the College Football Fanbase and how they maintain a double standard to everything that involves those who they don’t like or their own team. So let me get this straight: Cormani hops in the portal and Sanders is a failure as a coach. Alabama loses two starters to Ohio State, but the new coach who lost them is a savior. Heck, more on Ohio State who added four starters via the portal this year and nobody acted at all like it was a bad thing. Presently they are hunting for more ‘dawgs’ and again, fans are like “go get them” including calling for Cormani to come through.

That’s the double standard at play. That is also what scares me the most about what I am seeing around me as a society. We are mirroring this behavior at every possible level inside and outside of sports. You see it as young as youth sports when parents get really pissed that a good player left to join a different team or a coach started ‘a super team’ and suddenly it’s ‘screw that guy he’s horrible’. I know it sounds like a stretch now but the insider vs. outsider mentality from which this springs ends up playing out on the biggest stages, which is why and how we end up with a very angry Israel loaded with up to 90 nuclear missiles suddenly telling countries they intend to attack them and they better not fight back.

I’m going to do more sports tomorrow, because I got on one right there. It’s been happening for days now.

Some Thoughts:

1. I need to do a post about the rise of sex scammers and how they are driving kids to suicide. There is a lot to unpack there.

I started lifting weights again today. it wasn’t much and it was inspired by seeing Ernie Hudson’s monstrous (for his age) arms. That led me to believe that I had a chance to look good if I got my fit on. Weeks later, I picked up a pair of dumbbells, because I’m like that… If that is deeply delayed and flawed in execution of physical fitness. Yeah. I’m him. Which brings me to an old (and short) post about getting right called stretch and breathe.

Fact: We can all get sucked into the daily routine and, especially if we get behind on stuff, we can forget to take care of ourselves. 

Fact: Healthy writers are better equipped to work than those whose bodies are constantly falling apart.

Both of these facts are influencing this ten minutes of conjecture and lecture. I want to be honest with you all: I can no longer touch my toes. No, it’s not a fat thing. I cannot stretch that far, my back hurts everyday, and until two days ago, I did not recognize that those two things could be connected. 

We get this one body in life. In the futures of my imagination we will get multiple bodies (and planets) and have the opportunity for a do over or to recklessly neglect ourselves. However, in the time and space my temporary consciousness inhabits, I gotta stretch. I am beginning to accept and believe in the connection between body and spirit. I feel that I am a better writer when I feel better in my body.

That’s it. That’s the entirety of 3.91. You can click the number and check! I am often amused at how much or little I can eek out of this post-reptilian brain in 10 minutes. The breadth of that difference is a sight to behold. One of these weeks I’ll lean into a longer post for reflection. Then we get to talk a bit about what’s been going on in the Talismind that leads me to not be that writer all of the time.

What leads me to not be that fitness guy all of the time is that taking care of myself physically is not as much of a priority as it ought to be. I blame some of that (as I do with everything) on living conditions. You are who you surround yourself with, right? Eagles don’t fly with Pigeons. I fly with Pigeons all the dang time, so I cannot be that Eagle I want to be. I’m not even sure I have it in me to soar anymore and that bit of knowledge makes me sore, like the use of weights can make me sore and make me not want to lift anymore, but I gotta lift more in order to lift more in order to lift more and it is this I must endure in order to ignore the fact… Yes the fact… that I am constantly surrounded by pigeons and I don’t want to be anymore.

Some Thoughts:

1. Got on one of them spoken word rhyming runs at the end there. I feel the old me coming through from time to time like when the sky is clear and you can tune into that station you love but don’t always get to hear. I need to hear myself loud and clear in order not to fear that change for the better may be near.
2. Dang. Did it again.

I’m really ready to yap yap yap about sports again, but today is not the day ascribed to such actions. WNBA is drafting tonight, and there are things to be said beyond the consensus #1 pick, including that the league suddenly matters because of the attention heaped on that presumptive pick, Caitlin Clark. That’s not the talk today though. One thing I will bring up is my rather loosely formed case of an understanding. So, reddit suggests that there was a moment in a rpg that I write for where the writing got bad. It wasn’t forever, but it was a specific plotline that other writers later literally booted into space. It occurs to me that the main writers for that game are the writers for that failed plotline, which leaves me with some questions on how reddit and that portion (however large or small) of the fanbase will react. I await the flamers with baited breath.

Meanwhile I am trying to branch out into new things that have zero to do with RPGs. This summer is about a novel that’s been on the backburner for way too long. It is time to put more focus on those things and take real ownership of my writing career. I am inspired by the likes of Craig Alanson (Odell) who launched a wonderful series that became an amazing audio series and hit a generation of fans like a pan to the face. I want to be that guy.

Short post. Big thoughts

We’re talking about the war between Iran and Israel publicly now, which means it is out of the shadows. It also means that the USA has itself an obligation to protect its ally. Of course that is what we have been doing forever now and even moreso since October 7th, and the horrific attack that triggered this whole spiraling mess. Iran telegraphed the attack in order to show they were retaliating but also not escalate the situation. Nobody seems to want a full blown war–that is nobody but the Israeli leadership who seem bent on furthering the conflict to the point where there has to be a clear winner.

I don’t know enough to know what happens next, but I know enough to be really worried. We are at a point where our leadership is pretty measured in its responses, but we are in an election year and staring towards a dictatorial candidate who cannot be trusted not to escalate if he feels personally called out or attacked.

Whatever happens next is unlikely to be a good thing.

Fun fact: It is incredibly hard for me to stay in my seat when I am writing. Any time I reach what can be seen as a stopping point, be it paragraph, character description, chapter, even section header, I find my way out of my seat and into trouble. It isn’t often bad trouble or even time consuming trouble, but it is time out of the chair where the writing is supposed to happen. I do not attribute this to laziness. I am not a lazy writer. I avoid shortcuts and often overwrite sections just because I find those sections are difficult for me and in those instances more ends up on the “cutting room floor.”

It is a direct result of how I process dopamine. Or maybe it’s attention span. I don’t know. Either way, I try to leave multiple times every hour. Once I thought this may be related to the 10 minute rule and having trained myself to write solidly for ten minutes and then stop. However, when I tried to test this theory by recording my gasps for escape, I found that they had no time correlation but were more about getting to a so-called stopping point and not wanting to jump into the next part. In fact, I am blogging because I reached a stopping point for what I was doing and I didn’t want to jump into the next part.

This is not something for which I crave a solution. It is a quirk. We all have fun little quirks, or at least they are fun until they become bothersome or dangerous to us in some fashion. This one is not so much dangerous as it is time consuming. Time is one of the main issues I have when it comes to the written word and my chosen life path. So, eventually this one will need to get fixed. But not today.

Some Thoughts:

1. 404 error. yeah, I make the same sad joke every time.
2. Sometimes when I write I hear the narrator speaking each word into existence. Presently this blog is being written in the voice of Wil Wheaton.