10 Minute Rule

I have time today.

I’m rolling into my last week of classes and thinking about how much I will enjoy not having this part of our schedule be a part of our schedule. For as much as I love my job and creating classes, I have not done a very good job of preserving or creating community in this space. I haven’t done that because of a number of reasons, but prime among them is the need to preserve and create space for the writing. That is going to remain my focus. This novel needs to get revised faster than it is getting done right now, and as I am closer to the point where I will need to conjure entire chapters from scratch (because of the 44, 16 will still work). I also am at a point in my life where I need to develop goals and plans (I have goals…) that I can achieve year to year without relying on the tenuous strands of professional relationships (like Shadowrun) that may have been ruined by recent bad writing.

In short, I gotta get my shit together.

What is holding me back? Me. Seriously. I have so much that I am trying to juggle that I am not doing anything particularly well. So, this off season is dedicated to locking in a solid life schedule and moving and pushing my life with my partner forward to that next level.

That next level always feels right around the corner. It always feels held back by our situation (two or three kids always living at home, jobs that don’t always have corresponding hours, too much drek on my plate). There has to be a moment when I stop working around the obstacles and shape the obstacles to work around us and what we have going on. A lot of why that doesn’t happen is parental guilt and feeling like putting them ahead of me is the way I ought to be doing things in life. However, even as I do that I know it isn’t right. The youngest is about to be 16. It’s our time now.

In short, I gotta set better boundaries so I can get my shit together.

Kevan realized it was tough to get into Bronx Science. 30,000 New York students driven to the breaking point by Tiger mom’s and desperate dads all fighting for 750 seats in the freshman class. When he got in he had a moment to breathe a sigh of relief. Then he realized getting in was the easy part. You were part of something now–a legacy that demanded that you add to it in a meaningful way. That was how he found himself in a closet tucked off from the gym with three other kids and a bulky robot that looked like a beetle.

“It has to work.” Siddiq said, but even as a freshman he was the assistant editor of Vox Discipulorum, the school’s World Language Magazine. He had the inside track to Editor in Chief. It didn’t have to work for him to get noticed.

Michela said as much. She was a classic ranter. She had a knack for finding everything wrong, and very little right. Still, it was a talent that was extremely useful in debugging processes, which is what they were in the middle of right now.

“It’s going to work.” Kevan said.

The fourth person in their quartet hardly ever talked. Faraji was quiet and pensive. He’d been the one to come up with the beetle design. He’d been the lead programmer while Kevan’s expertise with electronics and advanced plastics lent itself more towards construction. Faraji was typing on his laptop. A thin pale wire ran from the device into the back of the robot. As Faraji typed, the robot whirred and clicked, running through diagnostic checks. It was a six legged model. Each leg articulated separately on gyros that Kevan designed. The problem was keeping them in sequence so that it moved smoothly and not in a sideways gait like it had this morning during testing.

Michela discovered it first. She said, “Prospero is limping.”

It wasn’t a construction issue–Kean had made sure of that. It was something in the code that made the robot move that way.

“I got it.” Faraji said.

The others took a collective breath without realizing. Outside in the crowded gym beyond other teams were gathered with their science projects hoping to make their first mark on the school. Siddiq slowly turned the knob, opening the door to let the noise and commotion of the outside in.

He said, “Okay. Let’s show them what we can do.”

I don’t know why we still have to be talking about this. To quote the NFL Network, “Despite taking some hellacious hits, he hangs in the pocket and doesn’t drop his eyes to see the rush. His toughness is unquestionable. Overall, Sanders doesn’t have elite size, arm strength or athleticism, but he can find success in an offense based on timing and ball placement.” Yet the second highest ranked QB on the board is still on the board, and nobody looks interested in taking him. Is he actually a bad quarterback? He was the 2024 Johnny Unitas Golden Arm Award winner. He’s 23 years old. He’s played 4 years of college football. So, no. He’s not a bad QB.

He’s a Sanders.

That means there is an arrogance and an attitude that teams were not willing to deal with–both from him and his father. They didn’t think he could lead. They didn’t want him to be the face of their franchise. So, they didn’t pick him. Then they added insult to injury by picking straight scrubs ahead of him. The kid can play, and teams don’t want him. Why? There are some factors involved that are easy to reach for. I listed attitude, but race has to be discussed as well. That same attitude we are acting like is a bad thing is what made Baker Mayfield and Johnny Manziel such highly regarded prospects. A former NFL player turned analyst, Emanuel Acho had a an answer that made sense to me, “Number one, he didn’t code switch. What do I mean, ‘he didn’t code switch,’ Shedeur Sanders did not change his identity or how he comes off for the sake of the decision makers and who are the decision makers in the National Football League primarily non-minorities, primarily white people, he did not code switch, he stayed true to Shedeur.”

“The problem is he didn’t make himself more palatable to decision makers, he didn’t do it, and in job interviews, whether it’s the National Football League or any job interview, oftentimes it behooves you to make yourself more palatable to decision makers. Shedeur Sanders did not do that.” 

I don’t know that he will get drafted. Finding out if he does is suddenly must see TV.

I shouldn’t spend 30 straight minutes worth of blog posts talking about the Giants, but here we are. The truth is that this team means so much to me. Among my earliest and happiest memories are sitting in front of my gammy’s big old TV watching Lawrence Taylor wreck games. I wanted to play football because of the Giants. That desire shaped my childhood and my choices heading into college. The only reason I went to Iowa State was because of that letter from coach that said come play some football. Coach Walden gave me the chance that nobody else did. Yes, I screwed it up, but it still cemented my life path. The Giants are cementing their next decade right now.

This is not a situation where they can tank for a Manning in two years. Having traded back into the first round to grab the kid from Old Miss — another USC -style QB, which is clearly not the way to go overall– They are saying “We are giving this kid time to show he’s the one.” I don’t think he is, personally, but I’m the armchair guy–the basement Troll who hasn’t studied the film enough. My opinion is actual dirt compared to the people who will be coaching him. So… let’s think about those people and what they are thinking:

Dart is a quick release QB designed for systems that stress short to intermediate passing and RPO and Play-Action schemes. This is exactly the stuff that Daboll likes to run. So, he’s making a choice to bring in a system specific guy for his specific kind of system. That means he is sticking to what he does. That formula is safe for him, but it also argues that he is intending to stay and stay in control of the offense. This is fine if those two things align. The only other way this works effectively (and it could) is if they move to a Miami-style system and maintain a core of athletes who can pull this off.

Two problems:

1. The presumed starter cannot pull this off. Winston can. He’s built for it, though he prefers to look for the deep ball. Wilson less so.
2. The line is definitely NOT built for this. They need to invest in quicker linemen and more RBs. We’ll see how that situation shakes out over rounds 3-7… because they shed the round two pick and a 3 over this Dart situation.

Some Thoughts:

1. The memory holes are getting bad. I could not remember Russel Wilson a minute ago…

The Giants are cooked.
They haven’t really locked down anything of value. They didn’t quite blow the draft — they scored a speedy rusher who may end up being good. They did not get a game changing pick and may be defaulting to a strategy of build over the next few years. Hopefully the D is better than it has been and has the right pieces to hold them in games while the offense figures itself out.

Some thoughts:

1. I’m watching the end of the city track meet. The boy didn’t do as good as he wanted but he won some and medaled in others. It’s a growth moment—you cannot just show up and be the guy. Gotta work for it.
   
2. I’m working for a chance to become that novelist I want to be. The story is beginning to take to the reshaping and the chapters are starting to come out faster. This has to go better than last time. This cannot be a miss on my part.
   
3. Part of the struggle is my having so much other stuff on my plate. I need to drop the number of things I am doing. Do less and focus more on what I am doing.
   
4. Helps that the semester is winding down. It means having less to do and more time to focus on the big things.
   

I have been a loyal Giants fan for as long as I’ve loved football. I remember the classic Bills v. Giants battles. I remember all the ups and downs. I remember Simms, Hostetler, all of them. I remember watching LT play. There is so much history there. I spent so much of my energy loving this team–this franchise–and aligning with them. I’ve been big blue forever.

I’m not sure that is going to stick.

Yes, I can vacillate between Giants and Jets freely. Even then the love lives on the blue side. Yes I enjoy the Seahawks. Yes I cheered for Saquon (not his fault they were stupid and he deserves his flowers!). None of this feels like I’ve quit the org. Yet here and now, I’m saying that tomorrow is the line in the sand for me. They’ve been really bead for a long time. We can accept the playoff blip as a surprise moment, but it didn’t help the team grow. It set them back hard. Now we’re in a position to change for the better. Don’t screw this up.

Yes, Abdul Carter is by definition screwing this up if you also keep Kayvon. I am not one to believe in the hype usually about players, and I don’t honestly believe there are a ton of generational talents in this draft. I think people really sleep on how good Shedur is going to be (not quite generational good though). I think Travis is HIM. I think Carter may not be the guy everyone says he is. I want 12 at 3. Period. If he isn’t there you take 11 and you try to get back into the first to scoop Milroe to train him up. He may be a lot better than people think, and that extra option year is needed.

This is what I believe. This is not what I think the G-Men are doing. I think they go with old ass Shough and hope for the best. What will I do? Well, I’ll watch some but I’m sticking with ‘quon for the fun of the game and seeing how Jets football shakes out. The Giants are about to become unwatchable.

The Lady Talis says I am taking on too much. She is in a better position to see these things than I am. I tend to live in the saying, “Can’t see the forest for the trees.” There are a lot of trees lately. I failed at hitting a class deadline yesterday because I was too burned out to give more feedback. That was the moment I knew it for myself. Nevermind that she’d already told me days before.

I don’t ever want to believe I cannot take on the challenges in front of me. Even today I argued that the work should not wear on me. It does, because, as she is quick to point out, I am in fact human. Yeah, I want to be more. I want to have my subconscious wired to a data feed that allows me to absorb and send out writing. I want that ability to be prolific.

I don’t know that I want to shave off the amount of life that is required in order to be prolific. Well, maybe not so much want as unable to do so in certain aspects. I cannot stop teaching and become a full time writer in this economic climate. I don’t have the name or the big name stories for it yet. If the Justice Engine hits, then we can talk about change. Until then we’re talking about balance and coping with the things I cannot change.

What can I change? I can lock in more. I can make sure I use the time I do have effectively and not spiral out into distractions as is all too common. I can reinforce my writing time by listening to better fiction. I can be smart about how I take classes and how I teach them. All of this is about gearing up for the next act–the next challenge in my life. I am getting ready for whatever change may come, and my eyes are open for what it could be.

I happen to be taking a graduate course on science fiction, which is the genre of the story I plan to pursue for my thesis. I recently listened to a video she posted on the role and value of feedback, during which I reflected on all the ways that I did experience feedback in her course. It was really helpful to review her approach after having faced critique from an interesting assortment of students. 

She feels like workshops are one of the best parts of the program. I don’t know that I agree. Here’s the thing: Not everyone in a workshop is willing to give critical feedback first. When the critical stuff rolls in (as it should) those comments can polarize the discussion. Students often try to be too nice or too critical without thinking about the text as a stand alone thing. Part of that comes from what they know or don’t know about the work.

She encourages students to give background information on the piece. I am always excited to do that when it isn’t chapter one, but if it is that opening moment then I want the readers to take it in cold. Still, this was an important takeaway. Context is the seat of writing. If people understand what I am trying to do and where I am coming from, I think the feedback will probably be better and more directed towards what I am trying to do with the work itself. 

Criticism is kind of scary, but I don’t want my classmates to be gentle. I want the work to be bulletproof. It hurts. It hurts really bad sometimes, but I feel like that pain is also a moment of growth and understanding about the work, about your voice, and especially about the things you are doing that aren’t really translating to the page. 

I want to work on being more critical in my feedback in a gentle way. I recognize how sensitive I am as a writer and I want to respect other’s sensitivities. I want to deliver information that can be helpful while being mindful of that fear that is associated with the critique.

It feels like we are missing the approaching singularity in a haze of all else that is happening in the world. We’re missing a lot of things. We’re missing how Israel is taking over Gaza. We’re missing how relatively quiet China actually is right now. We’re missing all the weird happening in space and under the waves. Yet for all of that I still believe the biggest turn we are missing is the thrust towards the singularity. AI is poised to allow us to make great leaps and bounds in technology over the next decade. Interlinked systems and wild robotics are happening at the same time.

All through it I keep thinking about the Ancient Flyer wall carving and how that could relate to the flattening of space-time. This singularity could have all sorts of impacts. It could in fact mess us up on a level in which the end of human time has already occurred and we are beginning to experience the bleed of that as we get closer and closer to that moment that takes us there.

Some Thoughts:

1. I cannot remember things nearly was well anymore. I am only 5o, so this is a serious problem–a flaw in the system if you will. I don’t know if it means anything. On any given day I become convinced that I have early onset Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s Disease, or both. It’s as if I was cursed and it was a moderately effective curse. For example, I could not remember the term singularity and needed to replace it with my standard XX while typing. I wouldn’t ever have figured it out if not for the book The Singularity is Near, which happens to be near enough that when I turned my head to the left there it was.
2. Sad.

I’ve been looking at smart glasses again. Doing so forces me into an existential conversation about privacy, freedom, etc. Nowadays everything has a camera and or mic. Everything can listen to you. Some things can see you. Consider the beach cam phenomena. We spend a good deal of time in San Diego and there are beach cams everywhere pointed towards the shore. It isn’t obtrusive like, say, London, but there is that constant sense of knowing you are being observed. I plan to tackle that in the next novel (with hints about the state of observation in this novel). We are going to the beach in Spain and there are cameras there as well. I can sit in my home and see how the wind is blowing and how the waves look lapping against the shore. Now can people see me seeing? Can people see me out there? All of these questions point to a level of global connectivity that says we are all linked and observed…

But who controls that data?

The best smart glasses (outside of the submersive apple gear that I won’t wear) are a product of meta. Moreover, the data includes video and audio and I have no way of knowing what is being shared with the company itself. This makes me feel strange inside, but it also is entirely the digital future I expected. I went into this smart glasses search because I fell in love with the overpriced apple system as a result of falling in love with the clunkier Meta Oculus center. The Ray-bans are not exactly an evolution of this (no visual AR) but they are pointing down the road of where things are going.

So, more and more we will be recorded. More and more we will lose the ability to remain private and off the grid. How do I feel about it? Well, we have all been trained to love the camera. We take pictures of ourselves and store them in the cloud or hand them to others to develop. Where is the privacy in any of that. It feels like I’ve been conditioned for exactly what is coming. Therefore accepting it is the likely response.

As a writer I do have a way to protest. I will be doing exactly that in this and the following text. Who knows, maybe that protest will become my practice.

Some Thoughts:

1. I am 117 comments into the 600+ on the novel I need to work through. I found a good one!
2. Some of them are very useful in terms of helping me clarify information and write better passages/dialogue.
3. I was thinking last night that I might want to take a turn at screenplay writing again. Feels like a moment to be had.