10 Minute Rule

If you have brown skin, avoid Florida at all cost. I realize some may take this as race baiting or even challenge it on the grounds of demographic make up, but trust, Florida is not it. I’m not even talking about ‘Florida Man’ that law which provides the news with so much ‘general’ information about the ongoing insanity of Florida residents. I am talking about the way these folks are actually trying to rewrite history and ‘put colored folk in their proper place’. For this argument you need look no further than the Terrion Arnold debacle. This man lost his entire livelyhood in a Castle Doctrine state, because his people took the law into their own hands and decided to lure and beat down a dude who they thought robbed Arnold’s Airbnb. To make matters worse, Arnold is the only one facing life in prison over the matter. The brother got a raw deal.

He should have known. He’s from Florida. He lived in Tallahassee. Nobody hates an upwardly mobile black male more than a Floridian. Honestly, the only ones they really got behind are O’Neal and Wade. I think we can safely say that if Arnold played (or agrees to play) for the Miami Dolphins, things would change quickly. I suspect this might be the outcome of all the drama. They’ll put this case to bed if he gets picked up as a low cost free agent. That’s the bonkers kind of place Florida is, and the bonkers kind of world we live in. Speaking of which…

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Inspectors enter Manhattan high-rise after building stops moving: FDNY” You read right. STOPS moving. That think was shaking like a reed in the wind, and not in the ‘I can support the weight’ kind of way. The building was shedding bricks. Right there on 42nd street. Wild times.

Started the week by finishing a story and opening a wound. I’ve been working on a new short for a grad class that I hope to one day publish. It isn’t there yet. It reminds me of how out of touch I am with particular age demographics. I need to get a lot better about understanding various age groups if I want to continue to be successful as a writer. I cannot simply write about withering 40-60 year olds and age up my characters as I myself continue aging up. I gotta be able to cross spectrum to tell good story.

I don’t identify with young people. I don’t understand them nearly as much as I thought I did. I don’t understand my own kid. I’m speaking of the youngest, who asked me for money today. He wants cash for a football camp. Of course, Dad instinct wants to get him right, but I also feel really sad and hurt that the only time I manifest in his mind is when he needs money. Everything else is me reaching out to him and him possibly responding within a few days. It sucks and it hurts, especially since I was not invited on a single college visit that I didn’t pay for. That doesn’t feel like respect or love. I am supposed to provide and I generally do, but this one hurts. It feels like an opportunity to teach a lesson. The problem is, I don’t think it will teach the proper lesson. I think it says, “dad won’t come through because dad doesn’t care.” I hate that this is the script he’s being read on the other side of the parenting fence, but there it is.

Unfortunately I am trapped in a situation where giving without receiving is the known currency of love. I don’t want to be trapped in that. I know how painful it will be to break that hardened cycle. We are running out of moments, the kid and I. There’s a few more HS dances, there’s a few more big game moments (will the Lady Talis and I be invited to walk with him for Senior Night?). I don’t know what I will be a part of and what will be denied me. Then its college time–where he really has to learn how to be an individual fast.

I hope we have enough of a relationship left that I can help him through that extremely tough time.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Australian officials ask fans to respect the privacy of Neil, a 1-ton seal who respects nothing” This after a saw a Sea Otter run up on to the beach today and up into the city. Animals be wierding.

I never quite came around to seeing Sunday as the beginning of the week. I work Mondays. I set up my online classes so Monday is the start of the week. This is the 7th day in biblical terms. Honestly, it is only the US that recognizes Sunday as the start of the week, and that’s a bit odd. We have a lot of odd here. The refusal of the metric system, Fahrenheit over Celsius… We have our way and it is kind of weird.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: ” FIFA lifts US star striker Balogun’s red card suspension at World Cup after Trump calls Infantino“
2. Getting harder to find these bonkers headlines. Maybe what should be bonkers is simply becoming commonplace? If you eliminate politics, there’s not much left that is all that crazy at times… Most of the politics stuff deals with Trump…
3. Like this: ” Trump posts a doctored photo of the Obamas and Air Force One with graffiti spray-painted on plane“
4. Fun fact: In order to achieve the Beam Me Up achievement in Minecraft, it is easiest to build a tower of blocks 100 high and more or less over water, stand on top, and throw the Ender Pearl down. You will teleport and live–if you hit water. I say this as a man who has yet to actually attempt the achievement, but that’s solely about not logging on in over half a year.

Best soccer game of the tourney went down… I didn’t watch it. I’ve been barely sports adjacent since the Knicks won. I think in general I’ve been gravitating towards a more balanced life with that kind of thing where I surge through the fall in a football stupor and then chill out over the next few months until it is back to the FB. That is even slowing down. One kid is going into his senior season, so I don’t think he’ll play much as a freshman. The other is still going strong, but one game a week–one day a week–is better than the constant FB madness that consumes our lives.

In general we’re in that victory lap stage of having the last one becoming a HS senior. That means life really changes after this. It means a lot of new opportunities for us as a couple to explore the world more often and really decide how we want the rest of our lives to look. Exciting times ahead.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Trump says he will still deliver July 4th speech after weather prompted evacuation of National Mall” But why?
2. Not a bunch to say today. I feel like I’m a bit worn out this weekend. Ever since the rainy day a few days back it has felt like I am slowly turning the lights back on in my brain. That power up needs to get going, because I have a deadline in two days.
3. The deadline story is something I am very far removed from. I am writing about a 27 year old going on a date with someone he met on an app. The idea is to talk about modern dating and how much of a false construct it is. I felt like I was being clever at the time of coming up with the concept, but now it feels paper thin. I’m feeling that way about a lot of my writing as of late. It isn’t about anything. I write enjoyable anecdotes, but they don’t pack any literary weight. There isn’t enough there to keep you thinking about the story after it ends.
4. I’m not sure if I am (or ever was) the kind of writer who makes up stuff like that. I write glimpses of futures and pasts that ought to feel authentic. This concept of being about something feels like it walks hand in hand with my inability to write good endings. There’s something there I am missing. I suppose in order to find it I will need to read more stuff. Better stuff.
5. Bout done here with this stream of consciousness. The fingers are moving fast today, but the brain has little to say…

Back to it.

There’s writing to be done. There is speed to be achieved. Then, I need to start looking for a new job–as a writer I mean. I keep coming back to RPG work, and I know I ought not to. I want to finish this novel, take a break, and then think about the next step. Yet in these posts and conversations I continuously skip over the part where I finish the novel first. Am I so anxious to get to the next act that I refuse to fully be where my feet are at in this one? What, after all, is the rush? Or is it a more honest reality–I don’t know how to write this novel.

Yeah, that one.

I’ve spent more time thinking about the book than I have writing it or even sketching it out, and I continue to fear that it will not happen. I think about more and more other stories I could be writing instead of the one I should be. Story of my life, I suspect. What I need to be doing is locking down and locking in. That means getting away from all of the other stuff distracting me from a narrative and then sinking into that one story until I reach a point of churn that gets me to get it done and then edited and then sent off to someone with an eye for wonderful things. I’m not expecting it to be the next best seller so much as I want to finally tell this story with all of its layers and then move on with a sense of accomplishment.

That feels more like the story of my life.

Instead my life has been thus far a messy series of failures from football to college itself to marriage to parenting (which is always some degree of success and failure no matter who you are, I suspect). Each one of these things has been a fail followed by a hard-fought success. So, I’m in that arc with the writing now, and I need to see it through.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Permit obtained by AP shows schedule for the wedding” What’s bonkers is the level of attention we see being given to this sort of thing. Yes, I know they are both famous and this feels somewhat like a Royal Event, but that makes it even more insane. Are we so starved for aristocracy as a society that we clamor for the moment that two knowns become one? Even more, the amount of money being spent is so wild. A fraction of what is being spent could be life changing for so many people. Of course, the couple also is aware of such things and is donating 26 million to charity as part of the event… which argues they may have spent 26 million on the event itself.

The amount of unusable energy in a closed system. Or, me on a rainy day when I don’t feel like doing a thing. I didn’t, you know, do a thing. I ate more food than necessary and walked far less than I have since May, and in the end I simply did not feel like dealing with the world. It is a bad one too, because in feeling this way I find myself wondering how to get back to usable energy. I hit this ‘suck’ low and decided that I was done being useful to a functioning society. I played a bit of NCAA 27, I watched TV. I played a bit of Starfield. I graded student projects that were almost entirely generated by AI. Slowly, I lost faith in humanity and began taking it upon myself to withdraw further from the world and into this small apartment where it felt like I didn’t have to do much else but be this dude who does nothing.

Then, I realized that I don’t live alone in this space and part of the reason I can never fully detach from reality is that I have a wife–My Lady Talis who keeps me tethered to this planet though there be days I prefer to fall far far away. So, what is to be done tomorrow? Anything else but this. A rainy day is a great opportunity to lay low and be a stick in the mud, but I am learning to pull out of the spiral before it becomes a long process. I need to get up, get out, and do something straight away. I fear if I don’t I will regret it for days to come.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Maine couple spots a bear chasing a moose calf and helps it escape“

I have a revision due on Monday. I have not even considered starting. It isn’t like I’m taking a break. It is more like I move slowly between fiction these days, a sure sign that I ought to take a break and recharge. I ask myself almost daily, what would a recharge entail? Now there is a chapter for a book on writing. Recharging yourself is important–especially in the later years of life when the brain does feel like it takes a lot more to get going. I’m past that 50 year hillock and realizing that my brain has been slow for the past ten or more. Now is that age, or is it about not being fully committed to the content? Or is it the other thing–fearing that I am not creating anything sharply original and fearing that AI is going to catch up and surpass me as a writer?

Sounds like charging up and fear of the future are two things wrapped up together. As I try to unravel this tangled mess I have to think about what wears me down. First it is the coming up with finely woven sentences. I used to be able to craft them quickly, but lately a smooth turn of phrase takes longer to leap to my mind, so I end up writing more bad sentences and having to spend more time in revision. That is about confidence more than it is about fear (though those are also tied up). A second knot in that tangle is this inability on stay on task as long. That has everything to do with stress and distraction. Whereas writing used to be about de-stressing, lately it has been the cause of a chunk of my stress.

So, we have stress, fear, fatigue, distractions, and reduced mental fortitude. All of these things are cause for recharge, but I still have yet to understand what recharge actually means or does. I suspect that part of it is to listen to and read on paper good writing.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “A man lost his wallet at a Dallas World Cup game. Argentina fans cleverly crowdsourced it back to him” The best part is these guys chanting the dude’s name in order to find him in the crowd and get him his wallet. I mean, wow. I love what the World Cup atmosphere can do to people.

Working from the library beside the RL model for the X-Mansion today. I don’t know why I ever choose to work elsewhere. This spot has all that I need and makes me feel like I am back in a uni mindset. I love working as a student or a teacher in these spaces because the energy is good. I believe in the power of such things. It is why I feel I struggle so much at home. Bad energy. Worse distractions. At least my dog is there. Most of the time when I work it is a balance of things that keeps the mind active. If left entirely alone I will wander off into the internet–especially if I have multiple screens. Here on a laptop I find that my focus can be held so long as there are people remotely nearby–moving around, working, carrying on conversation. Those things make me feel a part of something larger, which is a catalyst to work hard and be productive; a reminder that when I am working I am usually working as a part of something larger or at the very least serving a hungry audience. This mindset keeps me focused. Being focused is the key to getting any sort of productivity out of my hours.

Today I have extra emphasis, because I was paid for some old work (2024). Getting paid makes me feel guilty for what I haven’t turned in. That being said, I have no expectation of getting paid for what I am working on now for the foreseeable future. I just want to turn in good work and feel good about the work I turn in. So far I do feel good about these drafts. This is the last one left and the largest, so post blog it is off to work I go.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Dead baby is found in a portable toilet at a music festival in Michigan” sad stuff there. The bonkers or crazy is the kind of person who does such a thing. Wild behavior.
2. It is getting harder to find bonkers news that is not political.
3. It is getting harder and harder not to want to write on such things…

I’m taking it slow today. Woke up late and luxuriously, laying in bed longer than needed. I might’ve actually needed it. I’ve been feeling drained these last few days. Lots of walking to go with finally restarting some manner of lifting and stretching. I needed to get back into the routine of working out. In truth, routine is a misnomer. I’ve never steadily exercised without the threat of expulsion–be it from a team or life itself. I’m on the latter at the moment. In order to live I need to lift, or some manner of physical improvement. I’ve heard that flexibility, walking, and strength training is key in these years beyond 50. I am also reading a bunch about the benefits of creatine, which I have not taken since I was a college freshman. Miss those days of wanting to get bigger. I’m certainly bigger now… Way bigger than intended.

I want to change my life radically towards how I live when I’m off season. It is going to be a process, but one I am ready to take. Day by day I am realizing the habits and routines that make me happy as an individual. I’m doing more to codify that into what is my life.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Loaded-gun ‘horseplay’ leads to accidental shooting of California cop” Oh there’s bodycam footage!
2. Well, the kid made the top 150 after all. #143. The odd part is he was heralded as a top hurdler and a 2-way player who is a standout wideout destined to be a db at the next level… Hasn’t been a WR since freshman year. Didn’t even make the list then…
3. Suffering from a long lasting case of Golfer’s Elbow. Been almost a year at this point, I believe. I need to figure out how to treat it.

I’ve been thinking about the best way to live life. I think the best way, for me, is a chunk of hours to do my work, and then open the rest of the day, say, 20 other hours, to do whatever else. According to the Lady Talis, a lot of people do a version of this, choosing a 9-5 and then living outside of that. I don’t see that as much, probably because I teach and write, which is not a job built around a set schedule of hours. I don’t always want a set schedule. I want a set chunk to be used a variable times. I want it probably 6 days a week and on one day I don’t touch anything beyond the blog. Honestly, if I did this it would be an improvement in the number of summer hours I put in. Last summer I did it to great effect. This summer, not so much.

Even if this is not the pattern used, I need to find a way to make sure I do what I must on a daily basis and do it faster than I have over the considerable breadth of my lifespan. I need to get better fast, because the gap between what I want to accomplish and what I allow time for is growing.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Former ‘Parent of the Year’ facing over 45 charges for sexually assaulting teen girls, authorities say” He is giving serious Jared energy.
2. Someone should check on Venezuela. The death toll is growing. The buildings are unstable. Fewer and fewer people care. It is hardly front page news at this point in the US.