Day: June 7, 2026

I’ve been staring at screens for hours now. Staring long enough that my eyes are blurry while I type this blog. I was working on a short which I tried to pare down to 1/8th its size for reasons of micro-editing practice. To make matters worse, I don’t have the full 3k on the story, so I was paring down an unfinished work and realizing that at the core of the story I don’t even know what it is I am trying to do or say. Fluff. That’s all it ends up being. Possibly well-worded fluff. I’m feeling quite self-disparaging at the moment and this runs the risk of turning into a rant about where I’ve gone wrong.

Okay… Now it’s a rant about where I’ve gone wrong. Obviously it starts with the youngest kid, who I speak of often in these ten minute sessions, and his complete and total loss of self. He’s fallen in with a group called Young Life. From what I know of them they specialize in helping the lost find themselves. I suspect that what has him unmoored is a mix of his mom raging about what a terrible person I am, and feeling disconnected from an identity outside of sports. None of that really leaves room for him and I to connect on a father-son level. It is at the point where I have zero expectation of hearing from him (via text or otherwise) on father’s day.

But enough about that situation haunting the backrooms of my mind. The lack of ability to tell a story is crippling the forefront. It isn’t just that I shortened the thing, it is that I never knew what the thing was to begin with. I am constantly finding myself in situations where I don’t know what story I am telling or why anyone might want to read it. I’m losing faith in my ability, focus, and overall purpose as a writer–which only serves to reinforce the narrative that I’m bad at everything I try for including parenting.

I need a better tomorrow.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Christian Eriksen ‘conscious’ after another on-field collapse in Denmark match, national team says” Twice?! The last time was a heart attack. Five years later he’s out cold on the pitch again. Scary stuff.

I Think…

Walking is a really good start. I’ve logged 18 miles over the past two days. I keep getting more and more constitution buffs from the action, and that is the entire point. Heart health is the key to me living long enough to be very old. I want that. I want to experience that great grandkid life. I want to be here for it all and I want to be here for my wife.

I Think…

My step kids show me more attention than my birth kids. The birth ones do not seem remotely aware that I have a life and that life is good. They show no interest in what is going on with me. Perhaps it is their age but more likely it is their upbringing. Some mistakes were made on my part. Some mistakes by their birth mom as well. Overall, I want to have adult relationships with these men. Only two of three seem remotely interested in maintaining contact.

I Think…

I lost the little one entirely. He’s fallen into a period of his life where I am a low priority on his list. He loves me, of that I am certain. Yet he doesn’t really care about me or what I think. It has to be hard for him, being the youngest and being the one his brith mom is closest to. He has to get a lot of negativity about me from that quarter. I don’t think I’m a real part of his decision making process in terms of college or anything anymore. He only hits me up when he needs cash.

I Think…

I’m tired of not sleeping well. I don’t know what it is that triggers nights like this, but it screws me up mentally the entire next day. I wasn’t able to accomplish any sort of solid writing today. I wasted a day and I am running out of days to waste. I have two stories due next week and 3 more pieces that are long overdue. Not sure how to get myself out of this hole. Once I do, I am slowing down for a while. Gotta rediscover that voice and that love.

I Think…

Knicks are making basketball fun to watch again.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Wrestling matches provide an action-packed story time at US libraries, in photos” Lucha Libro? Well, if it works, it works.