Author: admin

Can’t win them all, right?

I find myself in a particular moment of spiritual funk. See, I’ve been struggling with the idea of whether or not I am a good father. I don’t have a lot to go on here. I see these guys on TV. I know a bunch of other dads, but my own experience ended between my 11th and 12th year. Yesterday I was talking with the Lady Talis about this video I saw where three boys and their dad did a privilege walk based on what their father did and was a part of. The three boys moved across the room fluidly answering question after question in the affirmative. The father never moved. I would not have moved either. My kids would have moved just a fast as the ones on screen.

My kids have not seen the video. They might need to.

All of this is to say that my youngest completely disrespects me and uses me like an ATM. Never once in the entirety of our existence has he ever said, “how are you doing?” or made a personal effort to put me in a situation of gratitude. Case and point: when asked by a college team to fly out and attend a practice, he came to me and asked if I would pay for it. I did. When offered a free visit and the whole wine and dine by 4 different teams he never once offered to bring me or the wife along. That honor went to his mom and his aunt… His aunt. A person who has not raised him and on top of it curses my name every chance she gets. Often directly to his face and mine.

So, I have decided that it is in my best interests and his to no longer allow this disrespect. I’m done with it. No more free rides. I love him. I support him. I’m not going to let him be the kid who treats his dad like crap.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Family finds large snake hiding behind living room TV” The more I read about Australia, the more I am convinced to never ever go there.

Reading the news is the worst part of my day. It is hard to avoid noticing the latest Trump blunder, be it unhinged threats towards a nation he thinks he can bully or attacks on a foreign leader who doesn’t act like they praise him. While I understand how we got to this place (racism and a sense most uneducated white voters feel that they are losing their power and place in this country) I don’t truly get how we’ve gone so far off the rails that it feels like we, as a country, are okay with so much nonsense happening and do little to slow it.

Politics. Hard to avoid that crap isn’t it?

I’m doing a much better job avoiding it when I avoid news and the internet in large. Life might be better that way. If I only tune in for the essentials I might find more inner peace. I’m moving towards that scenario slowly. I cannot totally go dark. I am a professor after all.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Trump tries to blame Reflecting Pool woes on vandalism, without offering substantiation” Do you think that if he accepts one L then the rest will sneak in after? Or has he reached a level of delusion where he is entirely incapable of seeing fault in his own actions or, more likely, he just puts up a front because he’s quite a baby and really really sad and broken inside?

There are nights when I say to myself, “Man, why didn’t I figure this love thing out sooner?” It seems so simple now. I think all things feel like that once you’ve done all the wrong things and stumbled backwards into the right one. I’m at that point now, understanding that one of the keys to a loving and healthy relationship is having that desire to share new experiences with your partner and actually being committed to having fun with each other. The thing that gets me really excited about this revelation is that we’ve known this from day one. I’m not saying she and I knew we were meant for each other. We did realize how good it felt to spend time with a person that, to paraphrase my daughter, “didn’t suck the whimsy out of you.” I suspect that this is the source of our bond–we find actual joy in each other’s presence and together can turn simple days and experiences into heartfelt activities. In short, we can really have fun doing nothing. We can also have fun trying new stuff.

This came to pass recently as we went to an Art Battle. I love art and cannot do art in the physical fashion. I enjoy watching it and to be able to see artists create something in 20 minutes that is worth spending hundreds of dollars to own… madness. It wasn’t just experiencing the show. It was experiencing it with her and feeling safe and vulnerable and having a partner who is there with you and not there judging you or defending their own fragile ego or nursing their own fears and incongruences in the space. We just went out and tried stuff and it was dope. Then, we ate pizza.

That is how love should look.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “A top banker tried to sway Pope Leo XIV on rare earth mining” Really out here begging for approval to wreck the planet. Bankers are the type of people who often think they are good but are in reality anything but. Heck, everything but.

Not a lot I want to say in terms of a cohesive post. I’d rather leap right into…

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “President Donald Trump unveils the new Air Force One, a converted Qatari jet” Politics aside, this is wild. He said, “Now, when we land at airports in London and in Germany and different places, nobody tops this one, and that’s the way we have to have it for our country,” Trump said, noting that the colors and the design were to “my taste, I will say.” Yeah, but here is the thing: This is a used jet the Qatari royals gave him because they wanted a newer and better one–we’re presently waiting till 2028 for one on their level, so the whole thing is wrecked from the start. Bro is catching hand me downs and talking about having top shelf.
2. Soccer is in full Cup swing. The USA beating Australia 2-0 means instant invite to the knockout round. So now they ought to run the bench squad for the rest of this qualifier and make sure everyone is healthy moving forward. Group D did not look strong. Australia was the real test and the 2-0 win actually proved the team has a decent defensive side. This could bode well next round, but I don’t feel ‘Knicks’ level confidence here.
3. I do feel pretty confident that the kid is down to two choices for his college. He’ll say three: Hawaii, Tulane, and Oregon State. I have my opinions about what he should do, but he’s thinking about things differently than I am to be sure. It is also his future, to be clear.

Not one of the best writing days today. I’m bad with transitioning between projects when I don’t have a deep mind on what it is I want to say in the thing I am transitioning to. Normally I use that back burner to marinate thoughts. Right now, I’m coming up with revision ideas for the two stories I knocked out over the past few days. Going to this 3^rd and final work is hard because I haven’t even had it in the back of my mind. I’m playing off notes here and the play isn’t all that effective yet. I probably got two hundred good words out of it. Maybe even half that if I’m being honest with myself. The project calls for fifteen thousand. Yet I somehow expect to be done with this madness by next week. That’s a writer’s life right there for you. We look at the impossible and say, “yeah, I got this. Give me a sec to get right.”

I’m right on the cusp of Father’s Day weekend and don’t have a clue what to do with myself. Sure, the Lady Talis could dream up some lovely like she always does, but this is supposed to be my day about my wants. So, what do I want? Therein lies the problem. I put a lot of mental energy and belief into the idea of going to New Orleans this weekend with my kid for an official visit to Tulane. He’s there. I’m not. His choice. I’ve been saying this for weeks now, if that is any indication of how much it hurt me to the core. So now I need to figure out how to spend Father’s Day after being treated like dirt by my kid. What am I going to come up with to do that erases that or at least puts it out of my mind?

I guess you realized by now that this is the subject that stayed on the backburner instead of the writing. Well, at least the insult is over and now I can put my mind back on myself and the coming holiday. I don’t know what I want to do with it. I just know I want to be happy and recognized for my contribution to these kids’ lives. Is that asking too much?

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “New York Knicks revel in their NBA victory parade as joyous fans and celebs fill the streets” In 5 no less. What’s truly wild is that the 73′ Knicks never got a parade. This is for them too.

I decided to flip this a bit and blog first. I haven’t been doing that for a while, but I started thinking about this idea of daily writing and how my ‘writer engine’ feels primed and ready to shift up a gear, and decided to keep this thing going by getting started with a blog right away. The ten minute rule is often a freewriting space for me. Yes, I do theme it on occasion. Wednesdays lend themselves to sports, because that is when the fantasy waiver wire generally clears and I can see what new players I picked up. Also, the top 150 AZ fb players of 2027 has been updating on Tuesdays, so by the next day I’ve seen the snub and can talk about that too. Yes, the snubbery doth continue, despite the kid taking his 3rd official visit to an FBS school. This one is to #67 ranked Tulane, a CFB Championship contender last year (losing to Ole Miss). He previously visited Oregon State (#106) and Hawaii (#93). SDSU (#69) has offered, but no visit is scheduled.These are CBS rankings, for what it is worth.

The time I spend on this blog is worth a lot. It moves the mind. It gets me going mentally. I need that push anymore. I have a lot on my mind that I don’t know how to put in words, and this space allows me to sort through some stuff. Not the political stuff. I’ll just keep that in the back of the mind space until what I have to say is meaningful and potent enough to share.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “$13,000 Autonomous Robot Toilet Comes to the Side of Your Bed“

These used to be turnbacks. I used to go through old blogs at specific dates and try to see where I was then. I’m working on being where my feet are at, and right now my feet are feeling sore yet successful. I walked ten and a half miles today. This is becoming ordinary this summer–further proof I am no longer in the desert. I also finished my second short story in three days, which is impressive considering I had barely 200 words on each last week. So, I’m getting back to it. The engine is turning. The gears are oiling up. I’m starting to get to a place where I can be a productive member of the writing world and someone whose health is a priority. I don’t want to turn back right now. I want to be where I am at and build from it.

I want to get in the gym. I want to get back to stretching. I want to love what I am writing. I want all of these things and I feel like I am in a place in my life and with the partner who can help me make it happen. I’m not fighting against everything else anymore. I’m in a healthy space and things are starting to turn.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “A chilling Romanian exhibition replays videotaped secret police interrogations from 1989” I could have chosen a lot of other ones, but this is, well, bonkers.
2. Tough talks with the kid coming. The main one: trying to listen to him understand why he decided to take all his official visits with his mom and basically sideline me and the Lady Talis through this entire process. It’s trash to be sure. I think I know the reason. I think he did it for his mom–to make her feel comfortable and give her the spotlight. I just don’t know why.
3. Few more minutes on the clock and nothing really left to say. I could talk about soccer, but I don’t entirely care that much. I want to care a little more. I want to care more about that than the politics I still follow. I can’t do anything about either but cheer.

If you look just a little, there is good stuff out there. The key is to not listen to the haters. The Bride! has a lot of haters, but I watched it last night and found it to be really entertaining and a quality message on how women are judged and perceived. It was weird and wild and sometimes didn’t make sense, but all of it worked. It was better than Saltburn and Marty Supreme put together and both of those wound up in the Golden Globes. The latter was in the Oscar conversation. I don’t think Disclosure Day will be in those conversations, but it was a solid film that makes you think about how we will respond to the proof of extra terrestrial life. It takes a stab at explaining why we haven’t disclosed and what it would take for such a thing to happen. Beyond that it feels like a huge moment of catharsis for Spielberg.

This is but the first week of my own Summer Movie Marathon. The Death of Robin Hood opens on Friday. Supergirl takes flight a week later. I’ll have a lot to say about them. But for now I just have time for…

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Cape Verde holds Spain to a surprising 0-0 draw in the country’s World Cup debut” Soccernerdness moment. It does feel good when a very lowly ranked team (64 in the world… only 48 teams in the cup!) shows out against the #3 team on the planet.
2. Not invited to the visit. I am not surprised. Feels good to know I can start making plans for the weekend. Happy Father’s Day to me.
3. Also this: “Pool owners react to algae bloom turning Trump’s reflecting pool green“

I woke up today very very early and my thoughts were churning. See, for me I cannot stand waiting on the precipice of disappointment. This week my son is supposed to be taking a college visit to Tulane. He just got back from Hawaii visiting their program. The Lady Talis and I were not invited. We have not been invited to any of these visits. In fact, as previously mentioned, the only visit I’ve taken with him is the one I paid to go on, which is Tulane. That is the only reason that any of those coaches know that I exist.

They know his mother exists. He’s helped shape the narrative that he is being raised by a single mom when the reality is starkly different. The reasons for this are legion. It would take more than the time I have to break them all down, but the summary is this: He’s been manipulated by a needy parent and he is feeding into a narrative that I don’t and have not done anything for him in his life.

Kids don’t see the long game. Kids don’t see what they have every day as something that is being provided to them. What they see is what they want in front of them. So the first time a parent says no, that sense of ‘what have you done for me?’ starts to creep in. Its worse if the other parent is amplifying that narrative by creating conditions of well, I won’t do X because your Dad won’t do Y. The entire construct is false, of course, but tell a kid to see it that way.

In fact, try to tell a kid anything and expect them to think through it rationally at 17. It isn’t going to happen until much later. Then the damage to the relationship is already done. The damage to our relationship shouldn’t last forever. I’m grown and I can wait this one out. Still, as the Tulane visit approaches, I do not expect we will be invited along. That potential dis already hurts. The full insult hasn’t happened yet. I’m waiting for it. I am expecting that he takes the wrong person on this father’s day weekend visit.

At least its close to happening now. Means it won’t keep me up at night anymore.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “The Comeback Knicks are the Champion Knicks. Brunson scores 45, and New York tops Spurs for title” 53 years it took to get here and the son of a Knick who played in the 1999 series lead the way. Scroll back through the posts. I never expected this to happen. Yet they did. They believed. I’ll tell you, belief goes a very long way. These guys were down by at least ten in every single game. They were down 27 in the 3rd one game. Down 16 this last game. They won. 4-1. Knicks in 5.
2. To quote a now-internet-famous Knick fan, “My Mayor is Muslim, My Bagel’s still Jewish, the Pope is on our side, Knicks in 5!”

Well, finished a story.

One more to go over the next few days, but getting one handled in draft form makes me feel better. Writing has not been going to great for me. I feel like I am the only one in my family not on my game for what it is we’re trying to accomplish. Well, me and the other pisces. My daughter is also not locked in. The Lady Talis, all the dudes, locked in. Maybe it is a pisces thing. Maybe I am looking for excuses (and connections) where there are none.

When things don’t go right it is easy to fall into superstitions. When things have gone wrong for so long and suddenly go right it can be just as easy to fall into superstition. I am afraid to watch the full Knicks game tonight because the one time I watched a whole game they lost. Trump was there, which could be part of the problem too, but it is my superstition so it has to be my fault that things got screwed up. That’s how superstitions function. You manage to convince yourself that you have control or have lost it and can regain it through extraordinary means.

Some Thoughts:

1. Absolutely Bonkers Headline of the Day: “Knicks in 6: NY man’s high school yearbook prediction 6 years ago goes viral” Okay admittedly it is a weak one, but 6?! Why jinx this situation. Just let them cook!