Author: admin

I’m listening to the NFL network while I write this. I’m gonna have a lot to talk about tomorrow on the waiver wire, but this ain’t that. Instead I want to think and reflect about the abundance of importance we place on sport and on the things we take for granted as Americans. We are in a major crisis. I won’t use hyperbole to describe the situation. I will say that we notice it more because of the cancellations. We notice it more because our daily lives are impacted at almost all financial levels.

When the restaurants close we all feel it. Not just from the perspective of the workers who no longer have jobs. We feel it from the standpoint of our hours of enjoyment. No going out, no sports, and everyone slowing the internet with their traffic. What we discover in all of this is that we are a nation sedated by shows and sports and activities. We are a nation that rarely looks up to take stock of the world we have created and, in fact, often make light of that pursuit or otherwise turn it into just another activity.

I believe it was yesterday when I talked about the system breaking down. I believe the experts see that and are struggling to find ways to prevent that from happening the way it did at the onset of the Obama presidency. I do not know that they will be successful. This is indeed a crisis, and I for one have not been taking it seriously. I’ve been walking around in public in close proximity to others. I’ve dined. I’ve complained that youth sports are cancelled. All of this points to me as part of the problem vs. solution.

It is very American of me to be that way, and until that behavior stops becoming synonymous with our nation, we are going to keep piling up problems.

It was just a week or so ago that I was listening to Jon Oliver remind me about Sheriffs being elected and often running unqualified and unopposed. It was little surprise then when I woke up to David A. Clarke being a complete asshat.

No, I give him too much credit. He is purposeful in his idiocy. He is an asshole.

Among the nonsense this man has been tweeting to his 917k followers is this gem: Not ONE media outlet has asked about George Soros’s involvement in this FLU panic. He is SOMEWHERE involved in this.

No, he isn’t. Stop treating Soros like a damn Bond villain and ignoring the reality that is settling upon us. The virus came from China. It migrated here through human contact. We weren’t ready in spite of numerous warnings and preparatory scenarios on which the president’s team was briefed. The White House did not want to take this as seriously as it was and still wants to compare this to h1n1. This ain’t that.

The lethality of this disease is 10x greater than swine flu and, beyond that, we have neither a vaccine in place or any real awareness of how many people have it or are spreading it asymptomatically. In truth, they are telling people who are healthy not to get tested so we can focus on the sick vs. the spreaders.

Covid-19 is a wrecking ball right now, and I’ve basically come to the conclusion that many of us already have i or have had it. These numbers in AZ seem unusually low (18? really?) and given that we were not testing a few weeks ago, suggest that we are not taking it as seriously as we should. Instead many people are listening to the idiots who tell them what they want to hear. Confirmation bias has become the backbone of the news media industry.

That is making us all less safe.

Surprisingly Uneasy. Uneasy on a Sunday Morning.

The words that have been floating through my mental wordle in big bold are Shelter in Place. Big fluffy word clouds surrounded by smaller words like surreal, effort, write, sing, sin, love, dance, responsibility, lonely, and the list goes on. It is impossible to discuss my state of mind without tackling the subject of being split between two homes and, by default, two families. I spent a ton of time on the road this weekend, as I do every weekend, but this time it was mostly late night drives home. The roads were full and aggressive as ever. I wonder if that is set to change following the daily announcements of increasing levels of lockdown? I wonder if Shelter in Place is set to become a reality, and what I need to do in order to keep my dispersed family together?

These are not the only thoughts coursing through my troubled little brain bag. There is joy in there too. I’m reading more and reading good stuff. I’ll be issuing book reports here again later this week. I am also writing more. I stopped dodging this gem of a story idea and actually put several thousand words on paper. It is just preliminary, but the story looks like it has a lot of potential. What worries me is that I’ve barely written a word since touching back down in Arizona. That always worries me.

In order to keep that engine from stalling I need to put some serious butt in chair time into action on the words. Now that I actually have time to sit my butt in the same chair without worrying about traveling back and forth to the workplace, I think I can definitely be more productive. Working from home feels like a small blessing in all of this.

I want to start by giving a shout out to President Trump. Not everything he does is horrible. Recently he had a decent press conference, said a lot of good things, and even admitted to being tested for the virus. Now, do I believe we will get the results of that test? Yes–I believe he already was tested and was found negative and that is why he publicized the test itself–that or he his ego said to do it. Regardless, he had a good few moments, and he really needed them. Here is what we as a nation need: To calm the f–k down.

Seriously. We are emptying supermarket shelves–throwing ourselves into direct contact with the people we are supposed to be maintaining social distance from. It is problematic and likely to create a shelter in place situation where the disease has already spread to most of those sheltering and, as a result, they’ll be incubating while in shelter. That means we need to be sheltering longer. Some estimates (cdc) suggest 8 weeks or longer. It is worth reviewing the plan I’ve linked to above, because it does make sense.

I am mainly concerned about the system of the economy and of the nation. We are a machine that is driven by people out working and started (fueled) by purchasing. Unfortunately there are several vulnerable links in the system that are at risk here. Let’s just focus on the schools for a minute. If you have a job and young kids (below the age of staying home alone) then you are screwed. You cannot work. If you cannot work, you cannot get paid. If you have sick time and can take it, the workplace will suffer and the functions of that will decrease. Obviously the best situation is to work from home, but not everyone–heck not most have that luxury of having a job set up for such a thing. So, the system breaks down for the 8+weeks of school closure, and if the teachers are not getting paid and forced to find other work, the system breaks down a lot longer.

Just ten minutes of speculation on what could be the problems. Maybe I will have some thoughts on solutions tomorrow.

Yesterday I decided to stop at Fry’s for a few things for dinner, breakfast, etc for the weekend as I generally do. I thought, I’ll pick up some toilet paper, because I don’t actually know if I have any extra rolls. The price for 4 rolls was $8.00. By then I’d heard all the jokes about places running out. Earlier I’d even driven by Costco where the gas lines were 10 cars deep at each pump, the longest I’d ever seen. Balking at the price of toilet toilet paper, and ignoring the fact that only 3 actual packages were left, I moved on to Walmart where I knew I would not be price gouged for a simple pack of toilet paper.

I was right. I was right because there was no toilet paper. No paper towels either. Walmart was cleaned out. Two empty aisles and a back wall were picked clean of product. In its place was a small crowd of customers complaining and milling about in hopes that they would be the first people to get new rolls if and when a shipment arrived. That, dear readers, is the full crazy in effect.

I cannot fully explain why toilet paper is a major panic buy, but this article does a good job getting you there. People overreact to things. In many cases the mindset is ‘better safe than sorry’ though that mentality triggers a wealth of problems of its own, including empty shelves. The real problem is that we as people–especially Americans–are sheep. What happens when you panic the herd? I think we are seeing a great deal of that right now.

Schools are closing. Businesses, as a result, are being heavily impacted. The financial toll for individuals who don’t have job security will be astounding. We are being taught to hide in corners. Yet all we can think about is gathering in empty aisles waiting for toilet paper that will never come.

Some Thoughts:

1. If you need any more evidence we are sheep, look no further than the dow futures. That predictor of tomorrows behavior is little more than a determinant of what we are supposed to do. How else would such a system be possible?

There’s this soundbyte wandering around the net that unconsciously captures the heart of our President. Here is a man who wants to look good and either raises a powerful defensive wall of self aggrandizement or, terrifyingly, believes his own bullshit. Either way, he is not that intelligent. Moreover, he is not a very good leader. Obviously this sounds like a subjective assault on the quality of his leadership, but the facts are facts and not alternative facts. The man had one job last night: to deliver a speech that calmed the American people. He bungled it epically.

To quote Newsday 1600, “The boldest-sounding move announced by President Donald Trump in a prime-time speech to the nation about the coronavirus crisis Wednesday night was a 30-day ban on travel from Europe, except for the United Kingdom. Then the Department of Homeland Security clarified that the restriction applies only to foreign nationals and that some two dozen European countries are exempt. Trump also said it would apply to trade and cargo, but the White House later and a presidential tweet said no, just people.”

Let’s not forget that we have done little more than point fingers thus far about the virus. Individual states and institutions are doing more and better work on this problem than the man we, as a nation, put in charge. Political rhetoric aside, he is bad at the game. Does that even matter? Yeah. It really does. This is a global pandemic according to the WHO, and the first thing our administration (consisting of him and the people he brought in) does is to lock down the exterior of the nation. There has been no discussions about the people–many of whom are sick–moving freely through the nation. What stops the virus from spreading inside our borders? Why are we acting like that is not already happening when early tests reveal that this is exactly the case?

The NBA shut down. NCAA is playing in empty stadiums thus far and may even wind up taking a step further. Many Universities are switching to online and work from home modes. Yet those at the very top are looking out the window and screaming ‘you can’t come in’.

We need change. I fear this entire thing is going to create a scenario where we don’t get that change and don’t get that election we need. If that happens, I worry for what happens next.

With the Franchise Tag designation looming this march 16th, and the draft not far off from that, it is time to visit the Waiver Wire. Here is a quick recap. In the first ever Beach Blanket Fantasy League I was able to take second as my team, led by Ravens QB Lamar Jackson, bottomed out in the finals as the man took a week off to let RGIII knock the rust off pre-playoffs. He should’ve left the rust on, because they got a bye week and found themselves dumped by the Titans soon after. Everybody lost on that one. The oldest boy in this tri-racial Brady Bunch took the W and the resulting $75 victory lap.

In the real world, my Giants continued to suck desperately. Eli Manning rode off into the sunset after winning his last start in typical Eli fashion. The Giants are left with a recovering Saquon, Danny Drops (most fumbles in the league), and a lot of holes on both sides of the rock.

Enter Free Agency. The chance to reboot your team with a wealth of talent or roll the dice and discover what worked well over there is not so nice on your roster… The Giants have traditionally shied away from Free Agent splash, but we will see what happens. I’ll fill you in once the Franchise tags drop.

Some Thoughts:

1. I did finally get word about the Youth Football 10u league and it goes a little something like this: Argos (us), AZ Suns, Raiders AZ, SW Stampede, WV Kingz, AZ Fire Dawgs, Valley Rattlers, Reapers Elite, Anthem Jaguars, Arcadia Titans, and the Tempe Buffs.
2. The Buffs won the D1 championship after we opted for D2, but rolled the other team in the championship game 24-0 (and yes, we held back). The Buffs, meanwhile, beat them 19-18. Now we get to play the Buffs week 1 right out the gate and settle that question that is on both teams’ minds. Problem is, we lost two key starters. we replaced them with some talent, but we will see how far that talent takes us.

Back from Nashville and all points Northeast I am reminded of how different life is here than there. I am specifically reminded of how much slower life is there and how few expectations are laid at my feet: Do my chores, write, relax. It was a vacation, and I was not put to work at the level I certainly will be next time, but there were not as many responsibilities flying around my head.

I enjoy the majority of my responsibilities, but truth be told, I have far too many. They chip away at the quality of life, leaving me in a state of near constant motion where there is but a day or two each week to catch my breath.

Still, I can take it. In fact, I feel I have to take it for the next ten years give or take a few months. Once I hit that line I can throttle back. In a dream scenario I’d leave earlier, find my way to a small town as I was in, clear a patch of land, and live off the hard work I’ve accomplished thus far.

I want to be in a situation where I travel with my partner once or twice a year out of the country, and spend maybe two more trips each year visiting the kids wherever they’ve landed. I’d love to see them playing ball in college or doing whatever they wind up doing in the world. I’d love to be able to do that but also be able to focus on doing my own thing with my partner–living our lives fully.

I feel like she’s aboard for some of this ride. Maybe not the crazy stuff I’ve gotten myself into as of late–but who would be. It is a lot. Still, once I figure out that balance, things will go much better.

What do you think about when you are just thinking during the day or in the middle of the night or as the sun falls flat against the horizon? Out here in the woods I had time to ask myself that and found the answer to be as disappointing as possible.

I call them Pillars of Thought. It remains one of the toughest things in my relationship. My Pillars include my relationship but they don’t swirl around it as I suppose they would or perhaps should for everyone. I know my partner thinks about us. Just this morning we were lying in bed and I’d been thinking about us and then my mind shifted away to this blog and what dark places my mind often wanders towards when left alone and just like that she asked me what I was thinking about. It wasn’t us.

It wasn’t anything it should be. I’d been thinking about my job. I’d been working plans in my mind for what I needed to do during the week and the plan to write this very blog. I’d been thinking about my own pillars of thought and what else was up there beyond work. They change. Weight falls heavier on some more than others and then the world shifts and the weight shifts again. There are reasons for all of this. Right now I’m thinking the most about the writing center, the youth football league, Exactly how long and what I need to do till retirement, and ways to see my partner this weekend while I am off with the kids but still spend enough time with the kids to really get my fill of them (they are missed).

I think it is more telling what I am not thinking about. I am not really thinking about classes at all. When I think about stories my mind shifts away from that mental conversation. I’m not thinking about the weekly date night. When I try my mind does what it does with stories. It skitters. Odd isn’t it? The two most important things in my life are the things I’m least able to think long about?

That itself led me down a rabbit hole. I wondered how classes factored into that conversation as well. Here is what I fear is happening. The sports stuff, the work stuff, all of that is pure speculation. There aren’t actionable items rising out of those thought sessions. On the other hand, when I think about stories I think in scenes and moments and conversations. I open the door to that place where the stories live and that world comes streaming in. If I’m just lying there and thinking or in the shower or on the road or just even about my day, I am not able to capture anything that comes flooding through my mental door. I lose it all. The date night stuff is the same way. I’m not capturing these rare ideas of romance and as a result they’ll be lost as well. Sounds like an excuse when I put it on paper, but I’m not much for excuses. I’m for reasons and moving past reasons to understanding how to make things better and how to spend more time thinking about what matters.

When I was a kid—maybe 13? It is hard to say because everything in my childhood feels extremely compressed into the space between the year my father died and the fall I started high school—I went to summer camp for the second time. It was out deep in the woods and I experienced a kind of silence I would not again see for three years and after that not again until college. I kept returning to that silence and stillness of the woods as a touchstone. Each pilgrimage brought me further from the technology of the day and closer to the technology of my mind; to the interconnections of thought, memory, desire, and intention. All of these things can get lost in the noise of modernity and the things that we—that I—in order to escape daily routine. Yet it is in that daily routine that I learn to appreciate variation and to appreciate silence. It is in that routine and the deep disconnect that I finally look at myself and see, and perhaps more importantly, hear what my mind and my heart are trying to say.

These journeys never last long enough, but they usually last long enough to hear the whispers of myself and to see if only for a moment what matters in my life and what is missing in my life and where things are out of balance. I won’t pretend I’ve landed upon that understanding in the handful of hours I’ve spent in the back woods of Tennessee far enough that I can’t hear the highway but close enough to the world that the rumble of trucks navigating the back roads and still stretching the reach of civilization finds my ears pricking up to the sound.

I am happy.

I am mindful of the writers who came before me to places such as this and dumped their troubles unto the page with a bottle of whiskey in one hand and the twinkle of promise in their eyes. I am mindful of the world I left with the fabricated drama of youth football teams, the stress of too many hours of work, the promised challenge of ‘literary competitiveness’, and all that comes with being a man in the world. To that world I say, “See you soon. I’ll be ready for you now.”