Month: April 2019

Almost a year ago I started a journey towards becoming more and towards a healing of sorts. I’d just been through a great deal of emotional trauma and I decided to use it as fuel for self betterment. In 67 days I’ll be reflecting on that journey and either returning to the normal numeration of the blog (we are in the 3k region I think) or starting another iteration of this thing (though that may wait until a top secret project is revealed!). Either way I am approaching a period of reflection, which has me feeling really reflective about language and writing and growth.

I have grown as a writer over the last year. I think that part of that has to do with time on task with other writers in a more effective fashion. I’ve been mentoring and presenting and otherwise sharing my craft. I’ve done enough of it that I know I have something to say that is worth sharing. It is a big step to know that you’re not entirely talking out of ignorance.

Now that I know I have something worth saying, I need to continue convincing myself I have the patience to say it in story. That part is infinitely harder.

Some Thoughts:

1. I haven’t explored sexual attraction in my writing. It is something I find personally curious and should be handled in my work. Yet I have not. Soon, I suspect. Soon…
2. I expect to watch the latest episode of GoT tonight. I failed to fully avoid spoilers, so I do know there is one arrival on scene that was rumored and is in fact a reality. It was spoiled for me, but not for you, dear reader! Not for you!
3. I’m especially curious to know if there will be a season 3 of Westworld and what they have left to say…
4. I miss pro football.
5. I intend a blog (Wednesday?) about football and my kids pretty soon here. Things need to be discussed and uncovered.

This is a *SPOILER FREE* Ten Minute review.

We waited a few days to go see the movie, hopeful that it would not be spoiled by media. It wasn’t. It could’ve been, but we were careful. I am grateful that it wasn’t because seeing the film without expectation really helped me to appreciate the film for what it was trying to do. It also helped me to recognize all that this film was trying to do, and I must say Avengers: Endgame tries to do too much.

The problem with major market film over literature (even comics) is that you are attempting to please too many audiences. You are catering to too many demographic groups in the Blockbuster arena. It is as if everyone and every group needs to have their moment on screen. Avengers delivers very clearly in this respect. Everyone and every group gets their moment. It was far too obvious that everyone and every group had their moment. Still, at the core the story being told is about the original gang of avengers and their journey through this extended phase of the MCU. It is clear that this phase ended with the arrival of Captain Marvel. It is also clear that this film was meant to be a passing of the torch of sorts to the next group of heroes with feature films on the way. This was done far too literally in my opinion. As a result, we wind up feeling like the Russo’s were in fact catering to demographics in a very ‘Yes We Can’ fashion.

Much has been made on the internet of the fact that there is no after credit scene. This is utterly bollocks. The credits themselves are the scene. Stay. Watch. Appreciate the roll call of all the heroes and finally all the workers who made this possible. It isn’t done in the typical fashion of, “Here is a clip from the next film’ however, those clips are not actually ever canonical to the films they profess. They are instead teasers of what might happen. This film has actual credits that applaud what did happen from the start of the universe in film till now.

Overall, Avengers is a must watch. It is a beautifully shot film that does fail as a sci-fi (or even rational) argument, but it works as a comic on screen, and that is all it ever really was.

Or maybe cryo-fic. I started reading a new work by John Scalzi and it talked about a man who was an observer in an operating room. The idea of the thing had me buzzing about cryo-fic. Imagine this: You are in surgery and about to die. There is an insurance agent standing there and their job is to recover your body at the moment of death–they are supposed to freeze you until you can be thawed and fixed later in order to pay your bills. This ties into the idea of speculating on futures and the general thought process behind the insurance industry and stock markets, but pushes it to an unfortunate extreme.

At first my thought was: This is not cost effective. However, it is. The workers become chattal slaves of a sort. In truth, if we reach the level of tech required we could argue that the insurance company could employ scans of their brains (rebuilt as AI structures) as digital agents who are working during the time they are frozen. Since we ‘own’ our DNA and brain imagery, the work being done would be done only as a measure to pay for the time they are in cryo-freeze.

There is more to this idea, I think. I might even consider designing a short story around the concept. The key is that it goes back to the standing argument I have made about science fiction–the more you read, the more interesting and creative stuff develops as a result of that. This is especially true of good writing like the stuff Scalzi puts out. I need more good stuff.

Some Thoughts:

1. Going to see the Avengers today. Not sure if it is ‘good stuff’ but it will be fun.
2. Apparently I am not completely above wanting to be recognized. I recently received an email inviting me to what appeared to be an exclusive workshop for humanities professors. I talked it through with my partner and she patiently explained that it was not at all exclusive. I thanked her for that small vial of reality. I was thinking I was someone again, and that is not remotely healthy or useful.
3. Working on the new Jarvis laptop a little today. Not much, but moving into basic design aesthetics phase. Screen images and what not.

So, the Giants went ahead and picked up a QB in the first round. They picked the kid who went to the Manning Passing Academy and made a huge story out of that and the relationship to a long time Manning Coach. The thing is, nobody is really complaining about Jones being the guy. The complaint is that he went at 6 and not 17. He didn’t meet the pundits expectations of who should go there, so instead of saying they were wrong (see: Saquon Barkley) they insisted that they were right and therefore the Giants must have screwed up.

Did they?

I don’t believe they did. The best available QB was Murray and he was good enough to force AZ to ditch last year’s first round pick or at least relegate the guy to a backup role. I think that there is a chance the Giants still snag Drew Lock in a later pick (to push Jones at least), though they have several more opportunities later in the draft to pull in real talent. I think that the team will try to add a little more youth and speed to the receiver room if the talent is out there. However, Gettleman is absolutely about the idea of best available talent. He is going to get what is available.

The team gave up their 2nd, a 4th, and a 5th to get their guy, which argues that they have a limited number of players in the later rounds who they expect to grab. This means the Giants have a 3rd (95), a 4th and two 5th round picks to go with a 6th and two seventh round picks. Who knows what they plan to do with these picks? The needs are high and the cap space is low. The team is going to need to rebuild through the draft and make use of the talent they have on board. That might mean the aging receiver room gets the least amount of attention. They need to address a lot of concerns on both sides of the ball, and perhaps they get lucky and do so in the later rounds.

Tomorrow I will probably break down and do a draft recap (yes, I know tomorrow is not Wednesday). Tonight I want to talk about the love of writing. I spent a few minutes of my day yesterday listening to an afterword by Craig Alanson. If you don’t know him that is no surprise. He publishes exclusively through Amazon and does very well–especially in the audiobooks. Alanson talked about how he was able to eventually turn writing into a full time pursuit and I thought to myself, ‘yeah, I want that.’ I don’t want it to be famous. I want it because I really enjoy telling stories. I’ve gotten too wrapped up in the pursuit of success and everyone else’s measure of success in writing and have largely lost site over time of what I am in the game for.

To prove people wrong.

No, that is largely why I got into the game, but I was really there to put out some stories that made me feel good about writing them. Those are fewer and farther between these days, but they once again are getting to be the base of what I want and do with the word. I love writing. That is the bottom line. When I struggle to reach my 1000 words, it is usually because I am focused on writing something I am struggling with and am not as excited about completing. Old me would just straight quit, but now me wants to fight through and find the love in every part of the craft.

I also think a lot of that struggle comes from how much time I spend planning and laying out things as opposed to just writing scenes. It comes out in my outlines–you’ll see me fall into a scene, writing it as it happens though I am still technically writing the outline. I guess I’ve never been completely comfortable with just outlining. I guess I really just want to tell good stories about people who go through things and come out different on the other side.

Alanson gets that. There are other authors–many others–who get that as well, and I feel like I would be well served to make listening to them speak on writing as a part of my daily ritual. Writing is a state of mind. Writing is the delicate lattice of ideas made visual that can be so quickly ruined by the harsh grind of life and indelicate people. As my partner occasionally reminds me, I need better people.

I’d argue I just need more time with the words.

Presently I am enjoying the works of Craig Alanson. I’ve been absorbing his material at the pace I originally absorbed George RR Martin’s Game of Thrones all those years ago. Actually, this is closer to the Wildcards experience and perhaps even closer to that of Peter Clines Ex-Heroes series. The point is that the books come out on a fairly consistent and swift schedule. Every 6 months or so a new book is rolled out. As a reader I am happy to have the new material, because I absolutely love the work. As a writer the pace terrifies me. The level of expectation involved in creating and releasing a book in that short of a time frame suggests that the book is being created in less than six months. Moreover, any reader in love with the material is going to consume that 6 months of work in a matter of days and be anxious for more, like a dog sitting in front of the bowl post meal.

I’m that dog.

This is not a good thing. I fear that it only compels publishers to push writers to produce more faster. We writers cannot do that consistently and expect the work to be good. I see shades of that in this most recent Alanson book. The work suffers from writer’s fatigue and the characters are growing quite stagnant.

I am of the mindset that this is a bad thing. I want to be a writer who is good to his fans and productive but I want the writing to be worthy of the audience and fully express what I feel to be quality. That can become a struggle if that schedule is to be maintained. Of course, maybe these writers have figured out a way to do it all…. Mayne this is my next quest.

Some Thoughts:

1. I feel I should spin up another post about collaborative writing and writing in the dark. Presently I am on a project where there is a good deal of setting information that is being done that pertains to what I am writing. Without that setting information I cannot really do what I need to do, yet I have none of that setting information. It is bothersome.

I always feel a little better about myself when I can make a clever joke that other people might get… and might not. Call it a weird literature superiority complex… or just a guy who is kinda glad he knows stuff. To quote a great man, “I drink and I know things.”

This is about the Gilmores. This is about a Year in the Life, which is the four episode mini series that closes the door on the Gilmore Girls series. This is the second time I’ve seen it and second time I’ve blogged it. I have to say that it is better the second time around. Like marriage, I suspect.

Here is the thing: I have a near spiritual connection with the show. It is absolutely not about me and my life. Yet it is absolutely about me and my life and my love and my relationship and my desires. This show is me and her and us and this show is all of what I want and need out of life. It is also something completely separate. It is, as Lisa Cron notes, how I envision life and happiness. It is also the difficulty of a thing coming to an end.

There is a small part of me that realizes that I might have more days behind me than in front of me. I’m looking at stages of my own story come to an end and that makes me enormously sad and more than a little creeped out. To see the show end helps me to put all of that in focus and imagine what the end of one stage and the beginning of another. I’m in that part of my life where such things are less than fiction.

In the end there are few things that can bring me to tears but the endings are always among them, and this one is near the top of my list.

I am in the final stretch of the spring semester. That means I have come through almost 32 weeks of teaching and being ‘on’ only to be provided a month’s respite before I turn to the online showcase to teach again. Despite how it sounds, I’m really looking forward to the summer break. I’m not only happy about the break, but happy about the opportunity to have time to put word to page. Perhaps I can work in a second 1000 wd session a day and even develop time to go back to the words/drafts/etc I am developing to give them another pass.

This is, in part, the flaw of 1000. When the goal is to produce and you set a goal to do that, all you can manage to do is that. Why? Because the feeling of accomplishment is absolutely enough to make the desire go away for the night. I hit my 1k and I feel like I’ve done something. I feel accomplished and fulfilled by that accomplishment. A higher goal, at this point, would be destructive to that zen-state. Eventually I will push for a second session of 500 words, etc. Still having the 1k floor is revolutionary thinking and so healthy to the words.

Now I need to find other manageable goals. 7 minutes of exercise a day? maybe I can manage that. Sometimes a time goal is more effective than a count goal. I tried to do a number goal with pushups, but I added one to the number every day, and the addition pushed me towards surrender.

What I am learning in all this is that I am the arbiter of my own programming, and I truly need to allow myself to reprogram the system. It is going to be painful and difficult but ultimately it is what is needed in order to continue living a healthy — check that. To begin living a healthy lifestyle.

Some Thoughts:

1. When typing something that I am rewriting/reading from I type 30 WPM with 75% accuracy. This argues that I am faster making crap up than I am when otherwise applying hand to key. Part of that argument suggests that the average length of these posts ought to be 300 words. This also argues that there are many a night when the words burst right out of me and many a night when the words must be dragged out as though clinging to the sides of my brain for dear life.
2. 418.

So the end is here.

I’m officially a week behind the start of GoT, because I was waiting for the stepkid to get done so we can all watch together (he’s grown. All gravy). So, tonight is the night it all ends/begins. I’m excited to get to it. As a writer it is a wonderful and sad situation to see a saga come to an end. I look forward to discovering how the character arcs all wrap up.

On the other hand this truly feels like further evidence that the books will not ever be written. I don’t know that he has it in him, and that bothers me. I get a conclusion, but it is only a semblance of what was started in the books and leaves a great many character arcs unfinished (as they were not even represented or misrepresented in the films). That is a cardinal sin of writing: finish what you start, George. Finish.

Still, what I am most excited about in this present incarnation is the Arya Stark arc (which feels done), the Jaime and Cersei arc (which nears its completion early on I think), and the Bron arc. He’s a great character and under appreciated on screen. Other characters exist. Melisandre made some interesting promises that remain to be upheld. There are also epic battles to be fought.

In the end I will settle in with my family and my GoT brand bottle of wine in a few weeks and celebrate yet another of my favorite TV series coming to an end. Funny how there seem to be more endings than beginnings these days.

Some Thoughts:

1. Outstanding Easter. Ranks among the best. More on this tomorrow.
2. You know you’ve lost touch with people when your first notice that they’ve fled the country is Facebook.

The AC has been on upstairs for most of the day. This is especially troubling given the disparity in temperature between upstairs and downstairs. I’m trying to keep it at 80, which is anywhere between 4-8 degrees warmer than downstairs. The key difference seems to be that there are multiple gaming systems upstairs and they run all day. This is what it means to have kids. The kids game and game and game and… You get the picture.

Tonight I’ll get a chance to spend some time with my lady. This is a rare Saturday event. Generally speaking, I have coaching responsibilities or dad responsibilities on a Saturday. However, that is less so the case this particular Saturday. Boys are mostly handled and I don’t coach this weekend. Instead I am taking the time now to get some writing in before I go be with the lady.

In so far as that goes, I am hitting a really good stride with the words leading into the summer months. Honestly, knowing what I want and what is important has been a huge boost for me in terms of productivity. I can focus on the needed and leave the rest of the nonsense to rot or be addressed when needed. Maybe I can start generating enough income to be able to pay these upcoming massive electric bills.

Some Thoughts:

1. New Hobby: Rebuilding and Updating Macbooks. Not going great. Actually, going about how it always goes with me and software. It fights back for a long time and then I eventually figure out how badly I’ve screwed up and correct the problem. Still, the crazy tone my mac is making does have me a bit worried. That’s normal, right?
2. Budgeting is really cool math magic. Until you realize that you have to only spend what you said you would. Then budgeting is junk.