10 Minute Rule

It is nearly 11pm as I start these words. I’m writing this from my office–one of the few places I really ever can slip into a zone and feel the words bleed out of me. I’ve been here a few times today, trying to get back into that daily mindset. This week represents quite the setback. I am officially resetting my 90 days. I’ll make day 1 tomorrow. Today was a crappy make up day where I felt like I was forcing it. New day, new 90. Beyond that I am smack dab in the middle of developing a plan to be successful and word smart for the entire summer.

The hard part of devising any plan of this sort is that I don’t entirely have a schedule that allows for X time to be when I write everyday. This is a good thing, because life doesn’t work that way. Writing, unfortunately, wants to work that way, so I’m learning to compromise by providing the words with a range of hours in which I can attempt to squeeze out 1K or more daily (I’m considering a push to 1500–more on that tomorrow once the decision is made).

I am also tasking myself to lose pounds. I presently way more than ever–227 lbs. Once that was JUST the name of a marginal but addictive TV show. It is no longer the place to be. It is the place to catch heart disease, so I gotta move back down into the 1’s. That plan is part diet, part meditation, part discipline, and a crap ton of exercise. This summer is about that too. In truth, these last 63 days are about building towards something special. Something different.

Something that is completely and perceptually a better me.

*Note: Posting late due to computer error. The following took place… yesterday sometime**

The blog is not working right now, so I am putting this into a word file. It has me thinking about the way we write these days—how everything is filed away into one cubby or another and all of those files get stored and occasionally some are lost to history. It is really no different than when we wrote down notes on strips of register paper or the tiny spiral notebooks that fit in our pockets. We have changed the tools time and again, but the problem of central locality; the problem of easy access and mobility has never been solved.

I believe I’ve forgotten more stories than I’ve ever published. I presume the best ones—the ones that floated on the edge of my psyche like a temporal Pluto for years before being forgotten or ignored; downgraded into meaninglessness—I believe those stories are the worst casualties. Is there truth to the theory that everyone has one great story in them? What if that one great story is born on a shredded napkin and a quick lunch break at Village Inn. What if that napkin gets destroyed in the wash? Does that one great story die with it?

I’ve been sick the last day or so, and this is the first time I am full aware of what I am writing (yesterday’s waiver included). I suppose such illnesses make me widely introspective, hollowing out every nook and cranny of my being for some small form of understanding or intentionality. I am, of course, trying to find some purpose in my words. I am always searching for a type of immortality brought only by language and the persistence of a tale well told.

I wonder, twenty years from now what will be the stories we tell in school?

Now the playoffs begin.

They began a week ago, but these 4 games represent the real of the playoff matchups. The Rockets are up against the Warriors in a battle that is only showing off how deep the Warriors squad truly is. With two starters (including Curry) down with injury they still are up by two games. I’ve been playing a bit of the 2k and let me say that having a wealth of shooters as they do is absolute gold. Try winning a game when the opposing team is scoring 3 points for every 2 you score. I’ve been on the benefiting side of that lately in youth football. We kick extra points, which is two points for the 1 you get by ‘going for it’ instead of the kick. It’s been the difference in every win so far this season. The Warriors know all about that life.

Meanwhile the eastern conference is giving everyone exactly what they asked for with Boston v. Bucks. Giannis is one of the key stars in the league and he is up against a team of young stars led by ‘Uncle Drew’.

Sports have always been about the storyline. In the battles I mentioned there are stories being told and as such we as viewers are engaged. We find our heroes and our villains in these stories and we align ourselves behind them. We wear the colors to show our allegiance and chant the cheers and boo the fouls and feel slighted if things don’t go our way. We form these distant tribes as a way of belonging. It is a way of belonging that is safe. It is a way of belonging where there is no chance of rejection. The team will never say we cannot be fans. There is always a place for us and those around us who where the same color and cheer the same team will support us. We will become a surging crowd and bolster our lead force and with our voices lift them towards victory.

Or pout and curse when they lose.

Being a fan is a common thing but is a very odd thing nonetheless. I have long been a fan and loved it. I have fewer team allegiances these days. In basketball I am largely rooting for a good game, and maybe a few heroes stepping up big.

Been coming up short this week as a writer. Not ever project triggers the level of creativity I need in order to operate at a high level. Sometimes it is a slog through the mud. Sometimes my mind is cluttered with distractions. I people watch instead of write. I have conversations. I look for cooler places to write. I procrastinate. This was what 1000 words a day was designed to eliminate, but it has not worked out as planned the past few days.

Yes, it is Tuesday, but I’ve been trash since saturday. Sure, I would love to blame the Avengers and Football and Game of Thrones. All of that has a shred of truth, but I can put down 1000 words in 20 minutes if driven and focused. I have been neither.

This is part of the process. I am working towards designing a project for myself that dissects that process over the course of a year and cultivates a writer’s life that exists beyond the boundaries of genre and academic expectation. These are, of course, fancy words to describe the sabbatical gestating in my hind brain. I’ll get to it. I’ll get to a lot of things as I ease into the summer months. Change is coming. Time is coming.

Can’t come fast enough.

Almost a year ago I started a journey towards becoming more and towards a healing of sorts. I’d just been through a great deal of emotional trauma and I decided to use it as fuel for self betterment. In 67 days I’ll be reflecting on that journey and either returning to the normal numeration of the blog (we are in the 3k region I think) or starting another iteration of this thing (though that may wait until a top secret project is revealed!). Either way I am approaching a period of reflection, which has me feeling really reflective about language and writing and growth.

I have grown as a writer over the last year. I think that part of that has to do with time on task with other writers in a more effective fashion. I’ve been mentoring and presenting and otherwise sharing my craft. I’ve done enough of it that I know I have something to say that is worth sharing. It is a big step to know that you’re not entirely talking out of ignorance.

Now that I know I have something worth saying, I need to continue convincing myself I have the patience to say it in story. That part is infinitely harder.

Some Thoughts:

1. I haven’t explored sexual attraction in my writing. It is something I find personally curious and should be handled in my work. Yet I have not. Soon, I suspect. Soon…
2. I expect to watch the latest episode of GoT tonight. I failed to fully avoid spoilers, so I do know there is one arrival on scene that was rumored and is in fact a reality. It was spoiled for me, but not for you, dear reader! Not for you!
3. I’m especially curious to know if there will be a season 3 of Westworld and what they have left to say…
4. I miss pro football.
5. I intend a blog (Wednesday?) about football and my kids pretty soon here. Things need to be discussed and uncovered.

This is a *SPOILER FREE* Ten Minute review.

We waited a few days to go see the movie, hopeful that it would not be spoiled by media. It wasn’t. It could’ve been, but we were careful. I am grateful that it wasn’t because seeing the film without expectation really helped me to appreciate the film for what it was trying to do. It also helped me to recognize all that this film was trying to do, and I must say Avengers: Endgame tries to do too much.

The problem with major market film over literature (even comics) is that you are attempting to please too many audiences. You are catering to too many demographic groups in the Blockbuster arena. It is as if everyone and every group needs to have their moment on screen. Avengers delivers very clearly in this respect. Everyone and every group gets their moment. It was far too obvious that everyone and every group had their moment. Still, at the core the story being told is about the original gang of avengers and their journey through this extended phase of the MCU. It is clear that this phase ended with the arrival of Captain Marvel. It is also clear that this film was meant to be a passing of the torch of sorts to the next group of heroes with feature films on the way. This was done far too literally in my opinion. As a result, we wind up feeling like the Russo’s were in fact catering to demographics in a very ‘Yes We Can’ fashion.

Much has been made on the internet of the fact that there is no after credit scene. This is utterly bollocks. The credits themselves are the scene. Stay. Watch. Appreciate the roll call of all the heroes and finally all the workers who made this possible. It isn’t done in the typical fashion of, “Here is a clip from the next film’ however, those clips are not actually ever canonical to the films they profess. They are instead teasers of what might happen. This film has actual credits that applaud what did happen from the start of the universe in film till now.

Overall, Avengers is a must watch. It is a beautifully shot film that does fail as a sci-fi (or even rational) argument, but it works as a comic on screen, and that is all it ever really was.

Or maybe cryo-fic. I started reading a new work by John Scalzi and it talked about a man who was an observer in an operating room. The idea of the thing had me buzzing about cryo-fic. Imagine this: You are in surgery and about to die. There is an insurance agent standing there and their job is to recover your body at the moment of death–they are supposed to freeze you until you can be thawed and fixed later in order to pay your bills. This ties into the idea of speculating on futures and the general thought process behind the insurance industry and stock markets, but pushes it to an unfortunate extreme.

At first my thought was: This is not cost effective. However, it is. The workers become chattal slaves of a sort. In truth, if we reach the level of tech required we could argue that the insurance company could employ scans of their brains (rebuilt as AI structures) as digital agents who are working during the time they are frozen. Since we ‘own’ our DNA and brain imagery, the work being done would be done only as a measure to pay for the time they are in cryo-freeze.

There is more to this idea, I think. I might even consider designing a short story around the concept. The key is that it goes back to the standing argument I have made about science fiction–the more you read, the more interesting and creative stuff develops as a result of that. This is especially true of good writing like the stuff Scalzi puts out. I need more good stuff.

Some Thoughts:

1. Going to see the Avengers today. Not sure if it is ‘good stuff’ but it will be fun.
2. Apparently I am not completely above wanting to be recognized. I recently received an email inviting me to what appeared to be an exclusive workshop for humanities professors. I talked it through with my partner and she patiently explained that it was not at all exclusive. I thanked her for that small vial of reality. I was thinking I was someone again, and that is not remotely healthy or useful.
3. Working on the new Jarvis laptop a little today. Not much, but moving into basic design aesthetics phase. Screen images and what not.

So, the Giants went ahead and picked up a QB in the first round. They picked the kid who went to the Manning Passing Academy and made a huge story out of that and the relationship to a long time Manning Coach. The thing is, nobody is really complaining about Jones being the guy. The complaint is that he went at 6 and not 17. He didn’t meet the pundits expectations of who should go there, so instead of saying they were wrong (see: Saquon Barkley) they insisted that they were right and therefore the Giants must have screwed up.

Did they?

I don’t believe they did. The best available QB was Murray and he was good enough to force AZ to ditch last year’s first round pick or at least relegate the guy to a backup role. I think that there is a chance the Giants still snag Drew Lock in a later pick (to push Jones at least), though they have several more opportunities later in the draft to pull in real talent. I think that the team will try to add a little more youth and speed to the receiver room if the talent is out there. However, Gettleman is absolutely about the idea of best available talent. He is going to get what is available.

The team gave up their 2nd, a 4th, and a 5th to get their guy, which argues that they have a limited number of players in the later rounds who they expect to grab. This means the Giants have a 3rd (95), a 4th and two 5th round picks to go with a 6th and two seventh round picks. Who knows what they plan to do with these picks? The needs are high and the cap space is low. The team is going to need to rebuild through the draft and make use of the talent they have on board. That might mean the aging receiver room gets the least amount of attention. They need to address a lot of concerns on both sides of the ball, and perhaps they get lucky and do so in the later rounds.

Tomorrow I will probably break down and do a draft recap (yes, I know tomorrow is not Wednesday). Tonight I want to talk about the love of writing. I spent a few minutes of my day yesterday listening to an afterword by Craig Alanson. If you don’t know him that is no surprise. He publishes exclusively through Amazon and does very well–especially in the audiobooks. Alanson talked about how he was able to eventually turn writing into a full time pursuit and I thought to myself, ‘yeah, I want that.’ I don’t want it to be famous. I want it because I really enjoy telling stories. I’ve gotten too wrapped up in the pursuit of success and everyone else’s measure of success in writing and have largely lost site over time of what I am in the game for.

To prove people wrong.

No, that is largely why I got into the game, but I was really there to put out some stories that made me feel good about writing them. Those are fewer and farther between these days, but they once again are getting to be the base of what I want and do with the word. I love writing. That is the bottom line. When I struggle to reach my 1000 words, it is usually because I am focused on writing something I am struggling with and am not as excited about completing. Old me would just straight quit, but now me wants to fight through and find the love in every part of the craft.

I also think a lot of that struggle comes from how much time I spend planning and laying out things as opposed to just writing scenes. It comes out in my outlines–you’ll see me fall into a scene, writing it as it happens though I am still technically writing the outline. I guess I’ve never been completely comfortable with just outlining. I guess I really just want to tell good stories about people who go through things and come out different on the other side.

Alanson gets that. There are other authors–many others–who get that as well, and I feel like I would be well served to make listening to them speak on writing as a part of my daily ritual. Writing is a state of mind. Writing is the delicate lattice of ideas made visual that can be so quickly ruined by the harsh grind of life and indelicate people. As my partner occasionally reminds me, I need better people.

I’d argue I just need more time with the words.

Presently I am enjoying the works of Craig Alanson. I’ve been absorbing his material at the pace I originally absorbed George RR Martin’s Game of Thrones all those years ago. Actually, this is closer to the Wildcards experience and perhaps even closer to that of Peter Clines Ex-Heroes series. The point is that the books come out on a fairly consistent and swift schedule. Every 6 months or so a new book is rolled out. As a reader I am happy to have the new material, because I absolutely love the work. As a writer the pace terrifies me. The level of expectation involved in creating and releasing a book in that short of a time frame suggests that the book is being created in less than six months. Moreover, any reader in love with the material is going to consume that 6 months of work in a matter of days and be anxious for more, like a dog sitting in front of the bowl post meal.

I’m that dog.

This is not a good thing. I fear that it only compels publishers to push writers to produce more faster. We writers cannot do that consistently and expect the work to be good. I see shades of that in this most recent Alanson book. The work suffers from writer’s fatigue and the characters are growing quite stagnant.

I am of the mindset that this is a bad thing. I want to be a writer who is good to his fans and productive but I want the writing to be worthy of the audience and fully express what I feel to be quality. That can become a struggle if that schedule is to be maintained. Of course, maybe these writers have figured out a way to do it all…. Mayne this is my next quest.

Some Thoughts:

1. I feel I should spin up another post about collaborative writing and writing in the dark. Presently I am on a project where there is a good deal of setting information that is being done that pertains to what I am writing. Without that setting information I cannot really do what I need to do, yet I have none of that setting information. It is bothersome.