10 Minute Rule

The dictionary(.com) defines fait accompli as, “a thing that has already happened or been decided before those affected hear about it, leaving them with no option but to accept.” I believe that trying to organize a writer’s life without the use of lists is failure fait accompli. Trust me, I’ve tried.

Over the past several decades (i’m four in at this point) I have worked with lists and without lists, each iteration of the cycle yielding varying results. The busier my life becomes, the less I compartmentalize and the less I develop lists. When I don’t apply this basic organizing tool, I fail. I fail hard. In fact I am in the process of failing right now and I recognize that it is largely due to the absence of lists. While they may not be for everyone, a list of daily/weekly/monthly responsibilities is crucial to my understanding of the world I inhabit. For example, I have a story due on the 30th of this month. I only recognize this because I saw it flash by in an email reminder. Had it been part of a daily list, I would’ve structured out a time schedule to get that story in shape without the now inevitable end of week rush to handle my business. 

What do I mean by lists? I think the most basic form is to write out everything you need to get done in a day/week/month. Once the largest of these lists (that you are willing to tackle–and I strongly recommend monthly at the minimum) is constructed then break it down to the smallest possible of these tasks and rank them from easiest or fastest to the most time intensive. Get rid of that so-called “low hanging fruit” first, so that all that is left is the stuff that takes a moment to get handled. Then handle it. 

There is a profound sense of accomplishment in finishing a daily list. To scratch a line through the last word on the last line of the page fills me with joy. It so rarely happens that I feel like I’ve won something. In truth, you should win something. Part of how lists work is you deciding that you are going to limit your instant gratification pleasures until the list is done. That reward makes the list run and worthwhile. 

Garbage in, Garbage out is a philosophy of words and worlds I continue to hold dear. I believe what you read and watch greatly influences what you choose to and have the depth to write. It used to be that I consumed a massive amount of fantasy and as a result I wrote fantasy stories. After I found my way to Gibson and Stross I started writing science fiction. I suppose the point can be made that my writing is largely referential of these artists, but I would argue they are more so the gateway drugs to the genres they inhabit. I also think that I get inspired by what I perceive as good writing. Stephen King stories make me want to write great stories.

Beyond these inspirations I remain driven by the situations that arise in and around my life. I want to tell these stories as well. I prefer to tell them in a different context (mostly sci fi) but there remain human stories that need telling. I still feel a responsibility to tell them.

Some Thoughts:

1. I am starting to release some of this obsession I have with my kids’ success in youth sports. I think that is happening because I am starting to recognize that they aren’t as good as I want them to be and aren’t on the kinds of teams that they need to be in order to be elite.
2. No, I don’t intend to become the dad who coaches such teams. I do want to have some fun with my kids in a different way. I want to learn how to have fun with them in other ways than just these sports that have become so all consuming. I’m not mad about the sports stuff and still enjoy it, but I am getting worn out on it and nobody else in my life seems to appreciate it in any way, which makes it feel like it is me and the boys fighting to preserve something that isn’t making us entirely happy. 

We are all just temporary. That is the thought that plagued me throughout the day. Being sick usually reminds me of my mortality and leaves me thinking about how temporary and, in a sense, futile life can be. In the darkest moments I feel like we are all just serving the whim of some greater master. We are pawns or rooks or knights in service of a yet to be revealed king. This is not about religion or aliens or anything like that. This is more of a social commentary on the ‘rat race’. I wind up thinking, “what am I doing it all for?” and in those moments of bleakness I can recognize what it feels like to want to commit suicide. It represents some small moment of choice and power. It is a chance to embrace the invisible (yes, I am watching the Purge) on your own terms. 

Then I remembered how good it feels to love and to be loved. That will always be my path back to sanity. As a fellow writer argues, everything is about giving or receiving love. I think about this in the context of my own kids who have continued to destroy our home environment and display an incredible lack of consideration for each other and for me over the past few months. Where is the love in that? I feel like they are operating out of recklessness and a need for love and order. It is my responsibility to provide them with that and I have allowed myself to slip away from such responsibilities.

This can also be said of the writing. I should be further ahead of where I am, and I need to very much make the changes necessary to fix that. I have spent a lot of years being devoted to my laziness. It is such behavior that makes these moments where I question life feel all the more meaningful. If life is just temporary awareness, then shouldn’t we all make the best of that moment?

All in all this day has pretty much gone to hell. It started with us being late for the morning football game, which put the coach in a bad mood, which he took out on my kid. The team lost badly and my kid was benched on offense. I was scolded a bit (parent shaming is too strong a word, but a less patient man might’ve snapped). The second game really tested my resolve. We have been working to get these kids ready and certified. We failed. We forfeited our fifth straight and all but mathematically guaranteed we will not make the playoffs. So all of this energy pushed towards making this story a hero’s journey–all of this angling towards my kid feeling like he did something–is wasted. It lets me know I should have never invested in the first place. I get so caught up in wanting them to be successful that I transfer too much of myself into their stuff. What is left for me?

The second game story doesn’t end there. We have (had?) a new kid join the team and he is a straight up wimp. He is easily the largest kid on the team and was actually afraid to play. He refused to take the field for a single snap. Football might not be for him. Sadly, as a result we played with 10 players for close to half the game (one kid hurt his thumb and cried for a good 20 minutes). The team is soft. 

And I am sick. 

I’m sick and tired of a lot of things this weekend. I’m going to share some of that in the days to come.

Picture this scenario: You’ve finished a project and now there is that space between where ideas are meant to rush into the void and fill you with the excitement and promise of what is to come. But nothing does come. Sounds familiar? It didn’t happen to me at all until I hit my 30’s. Before I reach for the nootropic supplements, it makes sense to share some of the basics that help brain function and limit the damage aging does to the brain.

To begin, it might just be laziness. I firmly believe that laziness is a function of depression, so it is important to look at your emotional health as a writer. Are your emotional needs being met? What is taking more energy than it gives? Where are the pitfalls? If the laziness is not depression driven then it is likely a matter of bad habits. I’m a creature of habits and most of them are terrible. These last 78 days have been more about retraining myself to shed many of the habits holding me back. Laziness is a result of my bad habits as much as it is a function of my own depression.

There are choices. I can go for the supplements and get my mind right, work on better habits, and just write. That last one is key. Write. Keep writing and writing and writing until something comes out. Take advantage of every choice and option until you figure out the combination that works for you. Then write some more.

The best writers are thinking about their work and thinking about the things that inspire their work all of the time. I don’t know this to be true, but I believe this to be true. Why? Because I’m not one of the best writer, and I don’t spend a majority of my time thinking about my work. In truth, I think about my work when I am working and, lately, only rarely when I am not working. There are reasons behind this too numerous to list at this point, but I still believe that thinking about your story–falling into that world–is how to become a good writer. In fact, it might be the biggest part of how to become a great writer.

Consider where your thoughts go. The universe is teeming with interesting things happening, which, for the purposes of this ten minute exercise, we will be referring to as distractions. These come in all shapes and sizes. Instagram is a clearing house of distractions following in the footsteps of Facebook, Youtube, and of course, TV. My distractions are physical and virtual. I get distracted by video games (though less so than I have in the past. I think I am searching for story in video games and finding very little). More often than not I get distracted by the lives of my kids and the sports that they are involved in. Lately I am consumed by the littlest kid’s football team. I’m thinking about them on a daily basis and reflecting on the relative powerlessness to help them be successful by reaching out into the ether on a regular basis to draw in information to be helpful. 

This is time that should be spent writing. This is time that should at the least be spent thinking about the writing and being as excited about it as I am about him winning games. 

I’m glad this is a waiver day, because I’m sick and don’t have a lot of energy or brain cycles to devote to anything deeper than calling a few games. Not that I get this right all too often. I only called 6 games correctly this past week, further cementing the notion that I don’t entirely know what I am talking about just yet. I haven’t followed these things with the fervor of past years, and it shows. This week is being approached with the same lack of research but is informed by intuition based on two weeks of game film.

CLE over NYJ
Despite throwing picks every week and having a legit supporting cast, Darnold is sucking. Sure, he threw for 300+ and fired up a bit of a comeback, but he was playing against the Dolphins and a mediocre pass rush. Darnold is not good. He is not the ‘real deal‘ and I am tired of the media pundits trying to cover for their failed expectations by saying that he is. How much are you willing to forgive? He has a far better line than Eli Manning and is playing a lower caliber of team and still poops the bed daily. I know he’s young, but he ought to be past the need for diapers. CLE gets this one because of Sam and because Zane G. got fired.

NO over ATL
Shoot out in Georgia. I think the Saints are putting something together. I also think the Falcons are entirely overrated. 

Quick Hitters

DEN over BAL
CAR over CIN
TEN over JAX
KC over SF
MIN over BUF
PHI over IND
GB over WAS
SEA over DAL
NE over DET

OAK over MIA
Let me preach for a minute: Gruden is figuring this out. While he hasn’t had (or used) the full Beast Mode, this week he has a chance to be really productive in the power game against a speed team. His game plan is taking time to come together, but week three is about the time such things start to coalesce.

TB over PIT
FitzMagick! I’m a fan of Fitz. I have long enjoyed the way the Highland High product slings the rock around and plays this game. I feel like the team is gelling around the dude and so long as he starts, they’ll keep winning against B-level competition. 

Some Thoughts:

1. Unusual youth football waiver call of the week: My son’s Cardinals over the Sabres. They ought to have a league legal roster (16 kids) by the weekend, which means that this one actually counts. They won last week, but with the roster issues that win was discounted. Now they need to win out for a 4-4 record and a chance to join the top 8 in the playoffs. Three or four teams have practically booked their tickets. The other four play us.

I weighed in at 212.4 prior to the blogging. That’s about 17 lbs less than I was a few weeks ago. I feel like I am still dropping and moving back into a physical shape that I am happy about. More importantly, I feel like I am shedding those tendencies that had me much bigger and still growing.  This pleases me, because losing weight without changing habits means the losses are going to be temporary. I’m trying for lasting change here. I want this second half of life to be an incredible and uplifting experience. When I take my last breath I want to know that I lived well and accomplished something I am personally proud of.

Yeah, I am asking for a hell of a lot out of this slightly used life. I suppose I’m asking for legit memoir content. I want to experience things everyday that are beyond the routine. I want to touch lives and say and do things that matter both to me and those around me. I want more than what I’ve had and more than what I am doing now. 

What am I doing to get there? Writing about it, I suppose. Learning about myself and grinding through these weeks and months with an eye towards possibility. Slowly I am exposing myself to the possibilities of what can be if I put my mind to it.

Some Thoughts:

1. So I learned that my son’s heroic football game is being recorded as a loss. Turns out we didn’t have the players to certify the roster, moving his new team to 0-4. This means they need to win out in order to make the playoffs. Hopefully they can suit up a few more kids in order to be legal, because he gave up a sure thing in order to actually play the positions he wanted to play in the sport.
2. I’ve mostly stayed away from the thoughts as of late. No reason. Just didn’t get there. 

They banished me from the living room because I was watching Family Guy and not doing this. It was the right move. I want to believe that every writer battles with the twin headed viper of distraction and laziness. This is likely less true than I wish it were. Haruki Murakami famously rises at 4 am and writes for 5 or 6 hours followed by a 10k run or a 1500m swim. Honestly, I’d like to watch him do it and then, when he’s finished, punch him in the teeth. It is my way of saying, “Thanks for setting the bar so damn high.”

E.B. White once said (as with Murakami he said such to the famous Paris Review,“A writer who waits for ideal conditions under which to work will die without putting a word on paper.” Indeed he is speaking of the excuse we often claim of not having the proper conditions to write. I used to write on the bus or train coming and going to school. I found any chance, any scrap of paper, any opportunity to put word on page. I wrote so much that it became a way of life. Today other things and thoughts are a way of life. My children and their hobbies dominate my mental. I don’t know how to balance how much I think about their stuff with giving thoughts over to the story world. I want to. 

I want a lot of things that I don’t make enough effort to obtain. I believe that is what passes for laziness. I also feel like that is an excuse. Anyone who wants a thing bad enough should be able to go get it. I have always served as living proof of that. I’ve fought for what I want my entire life. I’ve created the conditions to make it happen. Only now have I arrived at a point where I no longer do that and let defeat seep in like water through the cracks of a door. Still, I cannot quite understand why.

I completely missed out on week one, so the official start of my waiver season comes… quite a bit late. It is just before 7:30 on a Sunday morning and I am trying to get it in before these games get moving. So, here we go.

CAR over ATL
This is an emotion game. The coaches are going to be in the locker room spinning that America’s Team nonsense and I think it is going to work. We over publicized the storm as an overcorrection to what happened in Puerto Rico (let’s hope 3k don’t die here, right?). Carolina wants this one badly. They’ll get it.

LAC over BUF
Buffalo flat out sucks and it is unfortunate. This is the team I grabbed in Madden. I traded or cut the entire offense. Perhaps the ownership ought to do the same.

MIN over GB
I don’t know that Rodgers is going to be able to play–let alone be 100%. No A-aron, no chance. I blame Izod.

CLE over NO
It is time.

NYJ over MIA
I still despise the Darnold pick. I still do not respect it. However, the dude has a decent supporting cast and Miami does not–even on a short week.

Quick Hits:

KC over PIT
PHI over TB
HOU over TEN
IND over WAS
LA over AZ
SEA over CHI
SF over DET

DEN over OAK
This is a revenge game for my favorite punter. He’ll get some chances to hurt the Raiders with field position, but the real issue is the culture. The Raiders are going back to what Gruden made them, but it takes time. It also takes decent receivers. 

NYG over DAL
This is entirely about my love for the G-men. Sort of. The short pass game has been crazy good for the G-men and if they keep up that stout run D, the Cowboys will fall.