Author: admin

I am going to attempt to blog now.

After being in bed for 14+ hours I think I have conjured up enough energy to put ten minutes down on the digital ‘paper’. I’m sick–so much so that I am skipping this evening’s bowl game to, in all likelihood, go back to bed early and attempt to get right. My partner and I were supposed to go to an Ice Bar tomorrow. Turns out the only one in our state shut down. So, unless I whisk her off on a plane to Vegas, that plan is done… for now. All for the better. I am not sure I am ready for an Ice bar in this condition, though that is entirely what I was prepping for.

The sick has hampered work on the novel. While I want to be spitting out pages like a fax machine, I don’t have the mental wherewithal to put in that many words. Look how these blogs are turning out. Mostly it has devolved into ramblings about what is wrong. I’ll tell you, what is wrong is the vibe here. It is very different when we have the place to ourselves. Better. More energy and positivity.

Some Thoughts:

1. Back to the Waiver Wire tomorrow. I think It is always good to stay in flow for things.
2. I also need to get back to my workouts.

Being sick on christmas is trash. Seriously. I was able to have fun for the first few early morning hours, but I’ve been a mess since noon. We are talking six hours of xmas not glee here. When the boys came back from Japan they brought the sick with them. They’ve been recovering, but it took me a couple of days to realize that the madness going on with my body all of a sudden might have an easily diagnosable cause. They got me and the lady sick. That’s what happened.

Now I sit and type out these evening minutes like a countdown till when I can finally take some ‘knock me out’ meds to end this day and, hopefully, reload my body a little. 2024 promises to be an exciting year, and I intend to be ready day one. What is going to happen? A crazy election cycle to be sure, and likely a great deal of talk about the possibilities of violence and even civil war (heck, there was already one movie that tackled the subject in brief, and another is on the way to discuss it head on). However, I have faith in the majority of America. Here is what I think: 10 to 20% of the people do all of the talking while the other 80 know exactly how to act and realize, without a doubt, how bad the Trump era was. No, those 80 are not in Florida. After trying to rename a road after Trump, they ain’t in Tennessee either.

The fact is, I have very high hopes for 24. I plan for it to be my best one yet. I plan to get my shit back together and my weight under control. I owe it to my partner and I owe it to myself.

Merry Xmas, all. May all your plans become reality!

Twas the night before xmas and blog time was here.

Ten minutes of sharing good thoughts and good cheer.

Soon night would fall and festivities begin

a time to be with loved ones, be they friend or kin.

If this were a Tuesday I’d turn back the clock

I’d see the old versions of this and with shock

I’d say what ever happened to xmas poems so long?

The answer, you see is as loud as a song

It’s Christmas, it changes so much through the years

Some times filled with wonder, some even with tears

Some I remember, as a wonderous night

Yet even the bad ones came with some delight

Though as the clock turns, these kids they do age

From infant to toddler and into teenage.

Soon, too old for Santa and the wonder he brings

But never too old for wanting things

Even without magic, the kids still have joy

‘Cause there still will be presents for each girl and boy.

Even the naughty ones can still have some fun.

We’ll play games and see if more gifts can be won.

Writing this novel I am thinking about the last one in the series and how I wrote it in my last house–last office. Time–life–moves quickly and when I stop to think about it, I’ve done so much and had so many opportunities. It is luck, in part, but it is also a willingness to take chances and being prepared for the opportunities that are out there. Most of my life has been about seizing opportunities that are presented. Recently I heard about this ‘theory’ called the Red Car Theory. The idea is straightforward. Most of us don’t know how many red cars we see in one day. However, if we got $50 every time we spotted one we would definitely be more aware. In other words, if we take stock and have a stake in knowing this, we will become more aware. If we are prepared for opportunities then we will be able to capitalize on those when they arise.

Here are my facts: I have holes in my understanding and learning. I also have opportunities to further my degree NOW before I’m too old. I need to sit down with my partner and have a discussion about that and decide as a couple if this is a direction we are trying to pursue.

Some Thoughts:

1. Back to using a screen/window to have rain sounds on. It is a form of white noise that wipes out the rest of the world and also puts me in a mood to write. Perhaps I work best in the rain. Perhaps I work best in Seattle or New York or anywhere else. I’d like to have a moment in my life to figure that out. I’d like to be traveling and learning where I best fit in. It could be a fixer-upper a few hours from the city. Who knows?
2. The rain screen itself is ?. It makes me feel like I’m next to a window looking out on a sci-fi city. I love that feel. It makes me want to write about dangerous worlds. So… I’m gonna go do that right now.

This latest novel has proven to be a different approach to writing. I haven’t so much as written chapter by chapter as outlined each chapter and went over and over each one adding as I go. I don’t know how I feel about the approach, but it seems like what is needed for this story. Each pass brings more depth to character and a better understanding of story and place. Early in the writing there were characters who were wholly undefined, and now as I go through I find that I understand more of them and their motivations. That is moving me to rewrite portions and add in places, making it a deeper and better rounded out story. I didn’t do this at all with the last novel in the series and it shows. I have at least one character who feels more like an outline or a caricature or simply and archetype of what she could be. Given that she is also not the lead in this novel, I could save her POV for the last one in this particular series. What’s funny is I treated the first novel like a one-off, and now it is two and possibly 3-4. The more I write, the more I know about the characters and more I become attached to them as people. That is, I think, what is supposed to happen to writers when they take the time and energy to really sink into the craft.

Some Thoughts:

1. Health continues to deteriorate. Blood pressure to heart rate ratio is showing signs of hardening arteries and weakening heart muscles. I haven’t done any real exercise in a year and, until a month ago, I hadn’t even attempted a short jog. Like not even 20 ft. Well, I need to fall back into that action. No. If I want to get healthy I need to push myself back in. I’m going to try all avenues–including VR to keep myself engaged in getting right. Without effort I am lost.
2. Kids start coming back today. It was an amazing feeling to have the house to me and my partner. Definitely fun while it lasted.

242.6. I’m up .4

I can account the minor fluctuations to time of day and such. I cannot account for the fact that I am 50 lbs above safe BMI or ideal weight. Fifty. At what point do you start to wonder if you cannot recover or get to the healthy mark? I am in trouble bad here, and if I am being honest, I am snatching healthy years away from my life by not being active and not trying to reverse this situation. Am I too far gone or just too lazy? All I can say is that when I realized this was impacting my memory and creativity, I did nothing to change my condition.

What I actually need to do is put down a schedule I am beholden to follow and in that schedule make real time to get right. 50 lbs. No, I am not going to take Ozempic… my partner would kill me. Instead, I’m working the 2 lbs a week angle. I think I can get that flowing if I get myself seriously moving. I’ll set up a calendar with the check in dates on Thursday, so I can make sure I am comparing myself to what I intend. It matters. I have to make the sacrifices to make it matter to me.

I keep seeing different versions of the same post about fantasy football. It goes like this: If you make it to the playoffs in fantasy football, you’re talented. If you win the championship, it’s luck. I think there might be something to that way of thinking. After all, the idea that you can predict how good your squad will be in the last few weeks of the season is silly at best–an algorithmic complexity far beyond the mathematics of the conscious mind at worst. Regardless, I didn’t even make the playoffs. My conversation with greatness ended at the word ‘if’. Meanwhile, in the family league the ‘ship is down to 4 of the boys. One has been a steady last place contender since the league started. Another is a far cockier steady second place guy. They don’t play each other this round. Last place boy goes up against his cocksure older brother while Steady Second goes up against my son who calls his team Hospital.

Hospital.

It is a fair name. He’s dealt with the most injuries in the league by a wide margin. However, those hurt players are all back and all scoring crazy points. He dropped 190+ last week on his way to his first top points week and he’s facing a guy whose recorded top points 4 times this season. All of it adds up to be huge fun come Thursday night and beyond. The games are looking like they will provide plenty of fireworks. As for me, I’m just watching to see if the Giants can make things competitive. I’m already on to thinking about next year.

I’ve been working on this novel again–trying to get back into the flow of it after several major interruptions. In a perfect life I wouldn’t have interruptions and be able to stay seated deep within the world and my understanding of the characters, but that is not the world I live in at present. There are… distractions. In addition to other projects I find that I just cannot get locked into a rhythm. That, more than anything else, is what I need in order to be successful. I have this novel coming up, and two more on the docket after that. I am stoked to have all these opportunities, but I need to do what is needed to take advantage of the opportunities and fulfill the responsibility of those same opportunities.

Some Thoughts:

1. I learned about the serious connection between weight and memory. This shocks me. I have gained a lot of weight over the past two decades and a lot of weight over the past year. I am at 242 presently and the last time I mentioned it in the blog I was at 238. That’s 4 lbs in what? a month? This needs to be turned around. Quickly.
2. Watching Voltron vehicle force again. It is not good. It lacks the lore and interesting characters of the GoLion series and feels, for lack of a better term, like a money grab through the first 3 episodes.
3. Nobody reads the blog anymore–not even my partner. I am aware of that and it’s okay. It is the truth of a writer that you are writing for an audience, but you’re really writing for yourself, because the words need to come out regardless of who reads them. It is a calling. This blog didn’t start as that. It started as a way to keep me on track with daily writing, developed into a strange form of public therapy, and now it is simply the way.

Yesterday’s blog is living proof (because nothing is ever gone from the internet) that multi-tasking doesn’t work for me. I was listening to these ghost stories, you see. I had a ten minute blog and a ten minute video and I thought that might go well. It did not. I kept looking over at the video to catch sight of the alleged apparitions. I just don’t do well with split attention. This is something I’ve known for a lifetime, but I keep on keeping on. I suppose there are things about oneself that are extremely hard to change. One of those things for me is the tendency to put health last. I probably should be in the gym right now. However, it takes longer for the gym to show effects than it does for me to write a novel, so guess where it ends up on the list?

We are not quite to the resolutions list that is sure to come, but I do think it is important to ‘pre-game’ and strategize the important changes in life. I’ve been thinking about what that looks like for me moving forward. I may be retiring soon–2025 is the closest option. So, how does that change the game? On the one hand it hurts the wallet, but on the other it gives me more time to sink into who and what I want to be with the rest of my life. I’m not really sure who that is. I’m going to plan the what with my partner, and I am learning each day that this means more than–let’s do what you want, love.

Watching ghost videos as I write this. Sometimes I want to fall into that chill as a way to lock in on mood for future stories. While I truly believe in the supernatural, It is extremely rare that I find ghost videos that feel real. I don’t know that I will ever write a ghost story let a lone a good one. I feel like the things that scare people are always going to be over the top. I stay one for subtle and subtle rarely scares without the type of intense creative connection with the audience that only writers like Stephen King can compel.

Today is a reset day. I’m moving from primary focus on one project to primary focus on another. Changing gears is tough, and like a driver with no grasp of a manual transmission trying to go from one gear to the next. I’m not prepared to say I’m getting better. I need to just keep fighting through until I can learn how to drive stick.