Author: admin

I’ve been quite reflective as of late. I’ve also been fearing the end of the world, but I chalk that up to populism. I’ve been listening to the zeitgeist and understanding how things can slide one way or another although how they slide might not actually be about the reality. Take Captain Marvel as a prime example. This movie has become about being a female heroine and pleasing the ‘generation of females who grew up with Danvers as a hero’ while ignoring (openly) the truth of the Captain Marvel character in Marvel lore. But it isn’t about the truth. Not much is anymore. We’ve become a world built around the ideas more than the action or the actuality of things. We are in a world where Trump can be the scion for religious right at the same time that they rail against everything that he is as a human being.

Zeitgeist is generally defined as the spirit or mood of a particular period of time and I feel like this particular period is defined by image as things went in the middle ages. I feel most strongly about this when I watch situations like Brexit and the Trump election unfold. I also feel like the smartest people in the room are the ones pushing image in one direction or another by causing friction between the polar ideas occupying the headspace of the most fringe people in our society. This is a problem. This is the way things have gone cyclically in our world. Sad to see we are cycling towards such a thing again.

Some Thoughts:

1. Personally, I think I can be happy with just a handful of things in my daily life. So long as I cuddle with my lady, hear, read, or write something interesting, and maybe play a game I’m good for the day. Anything less than the first two and the day is not good. If I miss all three I’m gonna revolt.
2. Funny how I define so much of my reality in threes.
3. Or less funny than funky math.
4. One of those days, I guess…

Hear ye, hear ye, pray ye hear of the greatest story ever told. Or not. In truth here of an experimentation so vast and intrinsically overdone that the impact of said experiment served only to dim the bright within.

Yeah, I’m watching Game of Thrones again and also listening to Lincoln in the Bardo. I simply cannot suffer both at once. Lincoln is going to lose.

The book was named a top 10 by multiple well read and well sourced media outlets including the New York Times. Generally I take the opinion of that review very highly. In this instance they may not be wrong persay, but the way I am indulging in the book limits its value to me tremendously. This is a book that needs to be read. I cannot for the life of me sink into the audio in spite of a dramatic cast that features many of my favorite narrators.

The book is a meditation on the multi-perspective view. Most passages are cobbled together from accounts or voices from the afterworld that come together to form a complete picture of a moment or a life. The NY Times argues the effect of this can seem overwrought. Saying, “The supernatural chatter can grow tedious at times — the novel would have benefited immensely from some judicious pruning — but their voices gain emotional momentum as the book progresses. And they lend the story a choral dimension that turns Lincoln’s personal grief into a meditation on the losses suffered by the nation during the Civil War, and the more universal heartbreak that is part of the human condition.”

I agree with the assessment but lack the time to edit my response down to such a meaningful yet snappy reply. I’ll just say this: Listening to 17 perspectives of the same scene can be a bit tedious in an audiobook, especially if you have to break into a new narrator voice for every description of who or what is saying the thing. So I’m going from voice to voice with a transitional voice in between to clean my auditory palate like so much sorbet.

I have not finished this book. It seems better suited for playing minecraft and lauding the disconnect from the real world than it does for driving to and from wherever. I’ll finish it another time, and maybe I’ll enjoy it then.

for now, too much. Too much indeed.

Long day. One of the longest I’ve had this year and it is only 4:23. I’ve gone through a consultation with my mechanic, got the car repaired, help diagnose the remaining car issues, completed a full football workout with the kids we are trying to pull into a team for the fall, played games with the kids, played video games with the kids, quit a job I once loved, and now I am writing.

Speaking of the kids, my kids are being very respectful of my writing. This is not to say they no longer want my full attention. They do. Still they realize I need to write and give me the time and space to do that. What’s more is that they’ve been telling people I’m a writer and that I publish stuff. That’s a new development.

Okay seriously, I know I buried the lead deep there. It turns out I wasn’t really up to being an advisor for the honors society any longer. I don’t have it in me. I love what it brings to the students. I don’t love how I feel when I am there. They deserve someone who is about this first. They need a guy who is 100% in and is going to drop the rest of his life to handle what they need. I’m not it. I have other things going on. I was willing to lose an entire day of hanging with my boys, catching up on rest, and catching up on grading to be a convention that I did not see a ton of personal value in. I am done giving up weekends and taking trips for stuff that pulls me away from the people that matter in my life.

So what now? I don’t know. I am still focused on creating an amazing learning environment. Taking this off my plate will help narrow my focus down to the key essentials. The goal is to make the most time for what matters. And limit how much I allow to matter so I can be completely committed to what remains.

I’m listening to Ghost Stories and preparing to finish day 6 of the 1000 words a day habit architecture (trying to build up to naming this and writing it up). I am trying to decompress and reflect on being in a situation where it is clear that everyone else around me cares quite a bit more about what they are doing than I do. I’m a dabbler. I can be very good at a number of things, but I choose to be one foot in, and don’t apply the full attention. The only thing outside of my love life and parenting that gets 100% presence is writing. When I write I’m all in. Perhaps that is why some of the other stuff is sloughing away.

This week I’ve experienced a number of failures or short circuits in my professional life that have ruined my image with co-workers. That is to say the small number of co-workers who still apparently appreciate me has dwindled entirely due to my actions. Not much to say about that other than I’ve proven myself to be unreliable as of late. More to the point, I’ve decided that writing is my primary focus and as a result I feel as if the other stuff matters far less. It goes Writing then coaching and then teaching. The last two might not even be in that order as I haven’t been willing to put in the number of hours of research I ought to in order to be more successful in the coaching realm.

Loose thoughts are trailing around, so I’ll shut down this pity party and turn things over to them.

Some Thoughts:

1. I wonder if we are capable of shifting through timelines post death and experiencing other timelines as ghosts. Is death a reset or do we move to another form.
2. Got a weird call from my mother in-law who called me because she said I called her earlier. I didn’t and I hadn’t heard from her for almost a year prior. It struck me as odd, because she said she was worried that I called as if something was wrong. Just one of those nights I suppose.
3. I like writing to light rain vs. thunderstorms.
4. Yeah, these are some random thoughts tonight.
5. My kids are watching Kevin Hart’s black history special entirely on their own.

I have a batch of cookies in the oven, so at the end of this I am going to be quite happy. I’ve been a mixed bag of emotions lately. I’ve let several things slip that I shouldn’t lately–a sure sign of burnout in a number of professional areas. One area that has not slipped is writing. In fact, the writing has gone very well and the new 1000 a day has been working with few hiccups or stress or stress points. Tonight I am writing by candlelight in my office, loving that the ambiance can carry the words and worlds out of my soul.

The 1000 word plan revolves around a core novel, but the unit of writing–one chapter–can be re designed in any fashion down to the basic one scene look that has me writing (overwriting) a scene so thoroughly that I get every ounce of detail possible out of that scene and the characters that upon revision all I need to do is cut away words like a banzai gardener. Yesterday’s words felt very much that way, because I was working on a one scene chapter, which I’d already outlined to the tune of 500 words. adding another thousand was rough stuff, but it really did work. I got down into the bones of the people and their needs and worked out some of the things I’d yet to tackle in that particular novel.

What I need to be sure I am doing is taking moments to write beyond the 1K, because I am a man who works from outline, and without the outline I find myself drifting from story to story following whatever idea catches the sails of my imagination. That is not very productive. So, I will continue to give myself additional time to outline the new works while I am pursuing a 1000 word lifestyle.

Back to the idea of letting things fall, I know this is a major concern that needs to be addressed. Apologies need to be made. A solid schedule needs to be designed, and above all of that I just gotta bite down and do the work that I don’t have the passion to due–regardless of burnout.

Part of being a grownup and a writer and a professional and even a coach is doing the hard work. Doing the stuff you don’t want to do. My partner has long said that I am pulled in too many directions. She was right in part and I pulled back, but if I am not occupied enough it is the same as being occupied too much. Finding that balance is difficult and finding ways to rejuvenate my passion in the things I don’t want to do is a much larger problem than being pulled in multiple directions. In truth, I love the rhythm of a routine. What I dislike are the things in my life that constitute that routine.

Here’s something interesting: Eli Manning ranked 8th in passing attempts this season behind Patty Mahomes (7) and league leader Big Ben. He ranked 21st in overall passer rating, which is what that horrible farting sound you hear whenever someone says Manning comes from. Objectively, he did not suck as nearly as bad as people are saying he did provided you take into account the limited play of Beckham and the expected ‘sophomore’ slump of Shepard. In fact, what he did is exactly in line with what he has always done in the first year adjusting to a new offense. In fact, he is primed to have a legitimate top 10 QB season this coming fall.

Yeah, I’m saying Eli still has game left.

Not a lot. The man is 37 and scared, but continued improvements along the line, a better schedule of matchups, and a clearer understanding of the nuances of the offense will move him towards a successful season that may be his last. This is a significant change from my previous position on the issue. I say this now because I ran the numbers. I listened to the coach. I watched the tape. Turns out Eli ain’t quite done.

That doesn’t mean we should pass on a QB this draft. I watched Murray’s tape too, and the kid could be exactly the kind of player NY needs. The fact that he isn’t a stand out vocal leader in the mold of The Browns new leader is not an issue. More of an issue is the leadership already in place and how the coach can reign in Beckham or, at least, direct that energy towards more positive means. Facts are facts and the fact in this is that Beckham struggles with emotional control. The fact that goes right with that is his emotional energy helps the team win games, and if they are winning they are likely to keep winning.

I think the Giants have a recipe for goodness in the coming season.

Game of Thrones is really well done. I’ve said this before, but I believe it is important to note that this is not the first time people have efforted to do a show about this type of fantasy world. Few have succeeded. I believe that the most successful of this type is in fact the show in question: Game of Thrones. As I say, it is good. Second watch good. I feel like it is working for reasons beyond the sex stuff. It does simmer down quite a bit in season two and beyond. I feel that it is working because there are dynamic characters that we love and that we hate. In specific there are characters that we love to hate, and that has absolutely led to a situation where we are drawn in to the world by the characters and we stay long enough to appreciate their arc and outcome.

Jaime Lannister is among my favorites. Two of my favorites are indeed Lannisters. I like the Lannister men, but love to hate Cersei. She’s awful and I am waiting patiently for her to suffer long. Still, there is no final outcome to this Game of Thrones beyond that which is to be created by the makers of the show… Martin has failed us.

I am not yet ready for the challenge Martin presented to me—to all of us who write in the realm of fantasy. This is a story that needs to be bested. As he is likely (and sadly) to go the way of Robert Jordan it is on us few to write a world that builds upon the beauty and horror of his world and yet gives us a new memory. One that is complete.

Some Thoughts:

1. I miss the MMQB blog post in the fashion it was meant to be written.
2. I am on day 3 and the writing has continued wonderfully. I’m proud and believe I can do it.

Perhaps this blog is more useful than I thought. I’m two days into my new habit of 1000 words a day. It is a supplement to the rule in some ways and a completely different pursuit in another. The 1000 is entirely story based and a way to ensure that I am writing story material and publishing on a far more regular basis than I have been in the past. In other words, it is my effort to live a writer’s life. Now I thought 1000 words a day was a nice minimum because it would only mean a few hours of writing, but the truth is that this short limit is extremely manageable, thanks to the training I’ve been doing over the last few years on the blog.

In truth, I can burn through 1000 words in a ten minute session if my fingers move fast enough. In certain cases I am moving basically at the power of thought. I am writing down everything I know about a scene or story as fast as my fingers will let me. This is how I used to draft fiction before I was caught up in the rigamarole of thinking that the first draft is the only draft. Part of that has to do with the simplicity of making corrections on a digital platform vs. a pen and paper situation where I would write and write without any thoughts of going back right then. Built into the handwritten draft is the promise of a revision that comes with the act of transferring handwritten files to a computer format. Without that promise I suppose my subconscious convinced me to make those corrections on the fly.

Two days in and I’ve hit my mark relatively easily both times. Each time corresponded with the chapter of a book I am working on–day 1 chapter 1 and so on. This is going to work for the next 28 days or so, leaving me with a more refined draft that I can later add and subtract from, transforming hurried language into languishing beauty. Or just cleaning up stuff. Whatever happens. We’ll see how I feel about that 28 days from now.

Meanwhile, I have been stopping right around 1000, and it feels more or less natural. What I have noticed is that after I hit the artificial mark I have an urge to write more. I’m not following that urge as of late. I’ll follow the thought I am on to its conclusion, but I don’t push it. The daily count is still a very fragile thing and I am unwilling to break it.

For now it is just about firing up and keeping this writer’s engine running hot for the foreseeable future and on through the next story.

460+ that time, by the way.

Disciplining kids in a split household is a difficult thing. I’ve watched kids decide that they don’t want to be in one place and be supported in leaving that place for good. In this case it was with just cause and really wasn’t resisted by the other parent, but I have a tendency to put myself in other people’s shoes and worry quite a bit as a result. All this is to say that I disciplined my youngest and it ended with him holed up in his room for the rest of the evening and into today. Normally this would be okay. However, in this specific instance he decided to call his mom this morning and ask her to pick him up. She refused. I know this because he told me. This only deepened his disappointment in the entire situation teaching him one or more valuable lessons. The first is that there is no escape from punishment. The second is that –in his mind– he can’t rely on his parents to get him out of situations like this one.

I want to focus on the second one. Now this second one is largely speculation on my part, as he never actually argued that he felt betrayed or couldn’t rely on anyone. The truth is he’s bored and sad and largely a spoiled brat at this point in his life who is completely unaccustomed to not getting his way. This is crushing him, and while I feel a twinge of sadness for his emotional sag, screw that kid. He had it coming.

He’s gotten very used to doing what he wants when he wants and I know I am partly responsible for that. Slamming the gate down hard on those habits is going to create neccesary tension between us, but the kid is at the point where he is trying not to respect me or any other parent figure and especially not his siblings.

So, I end up blogging it out on a Sunday morning while he mopes around the house like a blanket covered sith lord. Such is the way of the Talis-house. They mope, I write, we move on…

Eventually.

I’m speaking at a Writer’s Network Meeting in May and I am hoping to show up with something really useful to say. I want to be able to say that I tried 1,000 words a day every day and did it. I’m starting officially tomorrow with the start of the new week. Given that I speak in front of that group on May 16th, I plan to show up there having put 82 days towards the 90 required to form a habit (according to several websites including this one). The specific amount of time is actually a lot more variable (21 straight to initialize and then 60-90) but the idea is correct. In fact I expect to be able to speak to it by the time I meet with the writer’s group. Moreover, I’ll have written 82,000 words, which is simply outstanding.

This idea feels very simple on the surface, but I realize I am going to need to plan for this. I need to find the time and make changes in my life in order to put this–put writing–back on top of the food chain. This is happening. It is happening quickly. I am excited about the possibilities.

Some Thoughts:

1. Had a rough talk with the kids today about how they treat each other–which is not good. There is a ton of infighting happening and I do not understand it. They are blessed with brotherhood and simply don’t see it that way. I wish with all my heart I’d been given the advantages they have. These things they take for granted. They take each other for granted and that cannot be tolerated.