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Watching the Cowboys practice on NFL network makes me long for the field. I’m done. I recognize it now. Maybe I’ll work myself back into shape enough to play flag on Sundays. Maybe I’ll lose the gut. Lots of maybes set free in the digital realm. Preseason is full of maybes. Maybe the tough talk from the Jets won’t fall flat. Maybe these guys will actually perform. However, hearing Geno (who may not even start this year) talk about how he’s a top 5 QB and Dee talk about being the best corner in the league, I’m thinking these guys are all talk again. The Giants, on the other hand, aren’t talking and that bodes well for the season.

I feel like football is a big part of my life still. I’m a coach and a fan and a father of kids who love the game and long for the contact. Even in a year where I plan to skip the $60+ dollar FB video game purchase, I’m looking forward to the game being a part of my every day life. I’m also looking forward to getting better at it from a mental standpoint. This year’s waiver wire picks ought to be much better. I’m hoping for a 90% success rate and two fantasy football championships.

Some Thoughts:

1. After a 10 hr drive i’m glad to be home.
2. I’m looking forward to running some crazy hard practices when I coach 10-12 flag football. That’s where I started coaching and thats where the creativity can really take hold.

*Note: We just returned from our vacation, so expect stable posts as a result of stable internet access!

 

I think I’m slowly descending towards the atmosphere of the real. Summer is a chance to step away from all aspects of my normal life and spend time living a life more attuned to what I want right now—writing, playing, chilling, thinking about life beyond the daily routine. These moments are extremely important—to the point where I recognize that I have to incorporate more of these experiences into my daily routine. The summer taught me what is important to me, what I need to do to better myself, and helped me uncover the direction my life needs to head in for my personal growth to continue in a positive fashion. The reason this epiphany was able to happen was because I had time to step back.

When I look around at the people in my life so few of them have that opportunity or even take the opportunity when it is presented to them. Instead they power forward, working themselves into a mechanical stupor.

Balance is achieved through a careful consideration and understanding of the world around you. Be aware of the inputs and be mindful of your outputs as that often determines how you are perceived in the world. Mindfulness is something I gained from this summer experience.

That and a 3ds.

I tend to write a lot about having the right influences around you. Yet, it is impossible for me to overstate how important that is. I think of world class athletes like Titus Young and Josh Gordon who had wealth, ability, popularity and squandered it all because the people they shared their lives with. It is no small task to recognize that the people in your life are hinderances, let alone find the strength to do something about it. There were times in my career I changed roles (taking a pay cut as a result) because I needed to get away from toxic people. Make no mistake: There are individuals in our society that are so miserable that their only recourse is to thrive off the misery of others.

There is no real secret to this other than to be mindful of your relationships and afford them the precious time and attention they need in order to thrive and in order for you to be keenly aware of the impact those relationships have on you. This is as true in the workplace as it is in your personal life. Do the people around you make you better, weaker, or do they have no impact at all?

 

I had occasion for several deep reflective moments between last night and today. We were all spread across the balcony looking at the mountains and wondering how to spend the next few days. The kids are convinced I should get a 3ds and join them in all of their crazy gaming. I’m convinced I need to work out a realistic set of gaming hours (Post run and read in the mornings and 4-7:30 in the evenings). I don’t do a very good job about being assertive about the time I spend. I allow myself to drift and shave away at the necessary time of things.

There is a proportional relationship between the amount of hours a person spends on any given task/situation and how good they are at such things. This goes beyond the 10,000 hours of Gladwellian fame to expand to our relationships, our self-awareness, etc. If I allow myself the time to do the things that are important then I will improve myself in the areas/things that I find important. I’m not interested in debating the mastery formula. I am a true believer in the concept of time on task = improved understanding. I also believe that successful people find the will to actually work through that time and put in the hours.

If I am to be the person I mean to be in life, I have to be an example of someone who puts his effort where his words shine.

Some Thoughts:

1. I really need to teach my kids how to fight. Not that ‘I won’t move or hit back’ karate stuff they teach kids these days, but real bare knuckles, ‘if someone comes at you this is what you do’ fighting. It hasn’t been an issue yet, but there is going to come a time when one of my boys is facing down a kid who wants at them.
2. We didn’t have the net yesterday. Times like this I write on the computer and wait to post…
3. Tomorrow I hope to find a moment to sit in the very spot I sat 15 yrs ago and recognized I was serious about writing.

**Note** I didn’t have the ‘net yesterday (a condition to be explained in 1539) so this is a late posting…

 

I’ve engaged in many discussions as of late about wants and needs. At this stage of my life the needs are primarily centered around family. At most, a roof, a laptop, intimacy, and good conversation are enough to meet my requirements for a very happy life. However, what I want often outpaces what I need. Thanks to Maslow, I recognize that once my basic needs are met, my wants take over and drive my motivations.

Every happy person I’ve asked tells me the secret is to have a reason to keep going. Some people find reason in making more money. Others find family to be the end all. For most of the world it isn’t that black and white. What we have here in my orbit is what I call ‘first world problems’. In other words, for most of the world the idea of struggling to find something to want is as bizarre as watching an alien disembark from a starship only to do an Irish jig before quickly reboarding.

You only struggle to want when you have enough to be happy. I’m far removed from rich people problems (and in a galaxy far far away from rich). The well-documented problem I’ve experienced over the past few years is this cult of satisfaction. I aimed for a particular goal, hit it, and then got fat and lazy on the limited success.  The way out of that of course, was to want more—out of myself, out of those around me, out of life itself. So, what is it that I want?

I want to be a best selling author. I want to tell stories that people want to hear and to use whatever wealth comes of that to open a bookstore that perpetuates the idea of storytelling to the next generation. I want to have deep philosophical conversations every night. I want to grow spiritually. I want to stop wanting to look like someone in shape and be someone in shape.  I want to know what it feels like once again to say that I want something and have the mental fortitude to set myself towards getting it. I want to know again that I can do whatever I say I mean to do.

Wanting is that first step. We all need to want something in order to find a way to better ourselves, so I ask you: What do you want?

Yesterday I was laying on the couch and one of my three decided he needed to fold his entire body into the space between me and the couch cushion. He exerted his will, I relented and allowed him to settle into the crook of my elbow where he promptly fell asleep. It was that moment I realized that I’m finally a father first. I used to be about work. Back in the teen years I used to be about me (or the woman I was seeing–but mostly me), but now I’m about the boys.

It is important to figure out what matters most. The kids matter most, then myself, and then the job. This sounds like a small revelation, but it is a change over a decade in the making. I spent the entire summer working on the relationship with my boys and forging a deeper bond. Now I’m moving towards a deeper spiritual understanding of myself and my needs. Its good to grow.

 

Some Thoughts:

1. When you are at odds with the forces in your life the conflict that creates can push you further away from personal fulfillment. The trick is to find yourself in everyday moments and daily routines.
2. In speaking to parents daily I realize how few of them let their kids play the games my kids do or even allow the amount of TV that I do. This, I believe, boils down to personal choice. While the effects of TV and gaming can be highly detrimental to childhood development, these effects can also be tempered by hands on parenting. Part of recognizing and committing to being a Dad first is realizing the importance of my role in their understanding of the world around them.
3. Billions of people worldwide attend church. Millions of Americans are members of one congregation or another or simply attend casually on Sundays. This in no way means that these people are connected to their spirituality. I’ve been learning the difference between faith, scripting, and having a real spiritual connection to the world outside of yourself.
4. Skinny is all too often mistaken for sexy. TV needs to figure that crap out.
5. As much as I love the Luc Besson’s work, the premise of Lucy is pure crap. Nevertheless, I’m going.

I’m in this place where the summer is ending, the work season is beginning, and I am floating in between. I don’t have a lot of coherent words to spill in this state, so I figure I’d just share some thoughts.

 

Some Thoughts:

1. Major Crimes looks like they just launched a spin-off in tonight’s episode featuring Malcolm-Jamal Warner and Laurie Holden. Looks like a good show opportunity and brings in the technology of modern crime fighting in a way we don’t generally get to see outside of spy shows.
2. Two season-ending parties down and one to go. Two of my boys picked up MVP trophies and the 3rd is a lock for one as well. I gotta admit that it looks preferential. I half-addressed it in the announcement at the end-of-season event. I admitted that my 7 yr old tossed up so many terrible shots that even I was shocked to see him be named offensive MVP. But numbers don’t lie. The kid was leading scorer wire-to-wire. I guess alongside those bad shots a whole bunch of good ones found the bottom of the net.
3. Either I’m going crazy or i’m moving closer to some sort of convergence. I keep on sensing things and seeing things out of the corner of my eye. Could be crazy. Could be something else…
4. We aren’t getting rid of the dog just yet. The wifey decided to give him another chance, which is interesting given that she was the one loudly pushing him out the door. Once I relented and announced his demise she changed her mind, leaving me to seem the villain. It’s okay. I’m slowly coming around to a nascent acceptance of being the villain. Could be whats behind my recent understanding of the Sith.

Often Chinese philosophies can be applied to other circumstances. One such circumstance is the Okinawa diet or hara hachi bu principle of healthy eating. The simplest way to describe this principle is as an 80% rule. You eat until you are 80% full, building your diet on vegetables, soy, and legumes and reducing the number of free radicals attacking your body. Basically, it is the principle of not maxing out and not poisoning yourself with what the world offers you easily. Incorporating this philosophy into your daily life is a wonderful way to change things for yourself emotionally and professionally as well.

I’m a case study for burnout. Every school year I push myself to the limit of what can be done. As such, everything that is done suffers from my being stretched thin. I’m overwhelmed vs. merely whelmed. If you work to 80% of capacity, you put yourself in a position to be able to do more, but to be doing enough that you’re not burning yourself out. Additionally, if you allow some of what you do to please the spirit (a spiritual vegetable if you will), then you create the opportunity to stay happy and grounded in your workspace.

This is just an outline of how to apple Hara Hachi Bu to your lifestyle. I scoured the internet to see if anyone else has come up with a plan built around this philosophy. I found this bit by Melanie Pinola from Lifehacker that dovetails nicely into the ideas outlined above. She talks about mindfulness and the work of author Justin Jackson. There are others who preach steps to mindfulness in the workplace. However, strategizing for a single place or condition isn’t really being mindful of yourself. It is operant conditioning at its worst.

Hara Hachi bu or whatever you adopt as part of your personal way of being has to be pervasive in your life. We are fragile creatures subject to breakdown largely because we do not allow ourselves the time and space for repairs. If we treated our things the way we treated ourselves it would be criminal. I’m slowly coming around to recognizing that I’m halfway through this one way journey and I still (if barely) have a chance to get my body and mind in a good place for the rest of the journey. It’d be silly to recognize that and then do nothing about it.

Some Thoughts:

1. At the end of the basketball season my 8-9 team took 4 losses against three wins. Here’s the kicker: We only lost to 2 teams. We beat every other team in the league, but the two teams we lost to only lost to each other. The 6-7 team completed a second straight undefeated year. There was a highly controversial tie born of a ref who called the game like it was a 4-5 contest and really let some stuff go down that set the kids’ learning back a season. The team that tied us is in for some hard lessons next year when none of what went down in our game will be allowed at the next level.
2. Having coached basketball for the first time, I see now what I need to work on in so far as skill development is concerned. My own skills are extremely limited, so I have a lot of learning to do. I will also need outside help to get the kids to perform at their optimal level.

The review began, ‘My grandson loved it and it made him happy for a while.’ I didn’t read any further because I knew what she was getting at. I’ve been there–live there, in truth–in this place where excitement fades quickly and what you are left with is the guilt of the purchase and a skein of disregarded plastic. As with fashion there will come a time when the old is new again, and you can scrape dust from the toys of last week so the children may revisit them today. This does little to address the new way of things: temporary. We live temporary lives in temporary houses using temporary things. We praise temporary, lauding Ikea over heirlooms. We fill our hunger for something good with something more.

Now things have seasons. We substitute the change of weather with the changing of our technology. Apple season is soon upon us. New devices will blow in with the fall winds, kicking up youthful excitement. I know more kids who gauge their lives by when the next big product or game is coming out than I know kids who can name one thing they built by hand. Even the school assignments come pre-fabbed from store bought kits and mom’s careful swirls of glue.

I am afraid that we’ve lost all sense of the value of hard work. We’ve settled into an acceptance of the new generational slogan and nodded and smiled at the old. ‘The Best Generation’ is long behind us, and ‘Work Smarter Not Harder’ rules the day. I’m afraid to trust my future to a generation built on microwavable meals and cellphones not expected to last a year before the new model comes out. On the one hand, they won’t settle for old, but on the other hand, they’d rather wait for someone else to build the new and meanwhile we slip further and further away from questioning until the thoughts of ‘why are we here on this planet’ fade into the rustle of windswept leaves.

 

48 (?) days left to the start of the NFL season and the most interesting football story out there is Radio City Music Hall telling the NFL that they won’t be able to fit them in this year. I find it interesting that Radio City is not making all possible accommodations to the league. Its almost as if they’d rather not be associated with the NFL or deal with the particulars of the draft format. Now Jay-Z offered his Brooklyn stadium, but no bites there. The draft will be in LA or Chicago this year and who knows where it winds up in the future.

Some Thoughts:

1. Shortest post in some time. I don’t have the energy to think of words to write.
2. I did want to mention how much my kids are into beyblade. Before long they’ll be submitting their (albeit rudimentary) videos to youtube and trying to build their own following. I cannot wait to help.