I just returned from a ‘date’ with my now ten yr old boy. We don’t get many chances to have one on one time, so when he suggested that he wanted some daddy time I was more than happy to make that happen. The hours before our night out were spent celebrating his birthday. I spent most of that time in frustrated silence, because the day did not go nearly as fabulously as I hoped. You only get one, maybe two chances to add a digit, so ten is a big deal to me. There is little chance I’ll see the boy turn 100, so this is the one shot I get for a digit birthday. Unfortunately his two younger siblings didn’t get the ‘this kind matters’ memo and decided to spend the day fighting each other over ownership of everything from the air being breathed to proxy battles over the space they so clearly rent in each other’s heads.
Things did not go well. By noon the bday boy was yelling at them too and we four struggled to find even the most basic enjoyment. We considered going to the pool but the motivation was tempered by the outrageous behaviors of the younger two. They calmed for a spell while cake was shared and the eldest opened his smattering of gifts. He got 10 gifts–8 of his own choosing and one chosen by mom and one chosen by dad. The 10 was meant to represent one gift for each year of his life. One gift was also meant to serve as the connection between years lived and the growth of tomorrow.
Afterwards he and I left to watch a film at the local theater. He remarked it was the 3rd film we’d seen–just the two of us–in his whole life. He pointed out that two of the three came this year. What struck me was that he counted and he remembered these rare solo times. I love that kid. I love them all and they each deserve a chance to have a one on one with each parent. The whole day and into the night when we were together I was logging the moments like photos rolled into my datacard. It seems like kids are tiny forever when you’re changing diapers and feeding them strained peas. Then they start school and suddenly their off to college. Time is never enough to have wonderful memories with your kids. That is why tonight was so important. It was a moment–our moment to be who we are when we are alone with each other; a father and a first born kid enjoying a movie and good conversation.