Month: January 2014

By 6pm the 4 yr olds were in complete control. We were 30 minutes into practice and the repetitiveness of the drills finally drove them mad. At first they were engaged, but it only takes one kid to trip up the entire system. It wasn’t my kid this time. The child in question decided it would be more fun to tumble than to play. The others picked up on the wild energy and a straightforward practice turned into an exercise in cat herding. Later that night I ran into another coach who asked me how I did it. I coach three flag football teams ages 4-5, 6-7, and 8-9. This was, to him, absolutely insane. He’s right, but there is a method to my madness.

I used to think the boys played football because I love football. This is highly untrue. In truth they play football because they like the feeling of being chased and not getting caught–their words, not mine. I want to be a part of that experience with them. I used to take the boys to the park and run and play with them. Where we live not a lot of fathers do that sort of thing, so other kids always jump in and play with us, and I always feel awkward because I don’t know them and I don’t want their parents getting concerned that some random black man is playing with their kids.

In a practice session I can run around and have fun with my boys without feeling that strange awkwardness that always unfolds when random stranger kids try to jump in. Furthermore, I get to see my kids interact with others and to be in a competitive environment where they can face challenges and shine.

Above all else, it is damn good fun to direct kids in a sport. I like taking part in their excitement–win or lose. I enjoy the moments now, because I can’t do it forever. Sooner or later they grow up and don’t want to play with daddy anymore.

Some Thoughts:

1. There is an Esquire channel–ostensibly based off the ideals of the magazine. That seems a bit much, especially since there is already a wealth of male-interest channels. The lineup is weak, save for a peculiar show about fathers who push their kids into texas youth football. This show resonates with me, given that my eldest may be entering the tackle world shortly.

With college FB finally behind us, all eyes are turned towards the handful of teams left competing for the coveted Lombardi trophy. I’ll make my Super Bowl matchup prediction right now, but I’ll do it with a caveat: These teams aren’t going to waltz into the show. At some point each will be down significantly in the 4th quarter and will need to rely on a running back to step up and make a HUGE 3rd down play. The Broncos might not let the RB do it, in which case I am wrong about my prediction. The Seahawks will, and I believe that balance makes them a lock for the show. So, Broncos v. Seahawks in the Meadowlands for the title. Here’s how they get there:

NE over IND
I believe in Andrew Luck. Though he hates the comparison, he is much like the Broncos QB, and his performance last week proved it. Luck put the team on his shoulders and made inspirational plays that got the Colts back into the game and earned them the win. The same could hold true this weekend if not for Bill Belicheck. There is no craftier coach in the NFL and I believe he’ll get the best out of his players this week. Barring some magical T. Richardson performance (balance, yo), the Patriots move forward.

DEN over SD
Weather won’t be the factor in this game–running will. Former Jet (and Patriot) Danny Woodhead provides a lift to the SD offense with his speed and versatility, but the DEN LB corps have the speed to stop him. What DEN lacks in speed they make up in a mauling line and a slashing RB corps. The 4 yds or so they can grind out each run will give Manning space to do play action and put this away early. Bring on the Patriots!

SF over CAR
Carolina was on a roll and then they weren’t. Now that they’ve had a week to think about slowing down Clark Kent, they’ll be able to put the proper focus to getting their own Superman out of the backfield. Unfortunately, there is a giant healthy wall of kryptonite called the SF defense that will stop him. Ain’t nobody stopping San Fran this week.

SEA over NO
This boils down to home field advantage. The Seahawks are blessed with a stadium that is so loud that it literally negates most QB calls at the line. Brees is an excellent on-the-fly adjuster, but those skills won’t work here. That leaves NO to have to play the matchups as they are when they line up. Without the ability to move some of those chess pieces around,  Brees’ wideouts have little chance against Richard ‘Optimus Prime’ Sherman and gang.

Some Thoughts:

1. Forgot to hit the send button on this one last night…

At some point I became an Iron Man guy. This wasn’t a gradual awakening; a gentle transition into a new identity. No, this felt like a seismic shift. I woke up and suddenly I was an Iron Man Guy.

I discovered Iron Man during the Civil War comic series. I knew of him before, but I never bothered reading about him and his actions. During CW he took a stance on American freedom that made sense in the corporate-commercial idea of freedom, but doesn’t jibe with my own feelings. I started to despise the man then–enough to read more of the crap he’d done. I learned about World War Hulk and his role in that. I learned about his alcoholism. As with all good heroes, the man has more weaknesses and vices than strengths. He also has a wicked God complex that those who know me personally will recognize in me, albeit to a far lesser extent (i hope).

But none of that is how I became an Iron Man guy. The truth is that I found this really cool macbook decal from a vendor in Japan. Once folks noticed the graphic they presumed I had a predilection for all things Iron Man. After a while I actually did.

Things are what we allow them to be, and I allow myself to be a Iron Man guy. I found some things there that I can relate to, and recognized ways to feel good about the association. What I like about Mr. Stark is that he takes control of his situation. He leverages his wealth and influence in order to put the people around him in the best possible situation. I try to find ways to be like that in my regular life, but often fall short. Tony falls short sometimes too, but the thing that makes him a hero is that he keeps trying.

 

Forgetting for a moment that Kate Upton isn’t old enough to know who Color Me Badd is, the model has graced the cover of more magazines than the last three American Presidents and the Pope combined. Sure, she’s sexy, but so is a significant portion of America. Upton sells her sexuality and people gobble it up the way they play with those ‘Grab it!’ kiosks in the front entrance of Walmart, slapping dollar after dollar down certain they’ll be able to drop the claw unto a toy. In this scenario Kate’s elusive nudity represents the toy everyone wants to clamp that claw around and lift out into the open. I suppose this is the natural order of things–for sex to sell and crete conditions in which men are more likely to buy and try new things if they are laboring under the presumption that sex will somehow be rewarded.

I’m not here to laud the intelligence of her racket, but to suggest that the multi-billion dollar industry of selling sex is also an ouroborous-like creature that scrapes and claws to avoid imploding. Beauty is perception, and people who prescribe to most ‘look clicks’ are prescribing that beauty looks like these unrealistic model ad that if you want to be liked, this is who you have to look.

I’m not sure I like beauty as  market force.

When I was young, I thought I could do anything. I saw the ‘mature’ people of the world as fools after a fashion, and quickly decided my adult life would not follow the same trajectory. When I did finally come around to having responsibilities I was quickly reminded that responsibility is the gateway drug to maturity. Once you have bills, and a job to pay those bills, and began to develop a family and a career, BAM! you’re mature. In some ways maturity is a narrowing of options until you reach a static formality in what and how you do things day to day. Some people enjoy calling this being ‘grounded’, ‘growing roots’, or ‘being a part of a community’. I believe those terms, when connected with this false idol of maturity are destructive.

Being mature doesn’t have to mean a lack of creativity. It doesn’t preclude getting up one day and deciding to go to Taiwan for some really good fried rice. It does mean that if you do make that drastic choice, you’ll do it without blowing up the day to day world you live in. I’m coming around to accepting to routine way I handle every day, even if I don’t always appreciate it.

In my mind every day of my life was supposed to be a new challenge; a new opportunity to learn, grow, and change. I envisioned it being more like Batman than Mr. Mom, but I didn’t realize how much I loved the Mr. Mom side of the equation until I was in it.

Some Thoughts:

1. I’m coming around to a deeper understanding of what frazzled means.

For a moment I sat in a near-quiet household and pondered my relationship to my craft. I teach writing, you see. I teach various forms of composition, I teach how to construct a novel. Perhaps above all these categories I teach people how to rekindle their relationship with writing. So, here I was in the quiet wake of an NFL playoff game considering my own relationship with the craft. I did not ponder why I write or any similar false construct, but I thought about the role that teaching the craft plays in my ability to partake in it. There is a longstanding meme that goes like this: Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach (I’ve added the commas for vocal emphasis). What if that meme were valid in some twisted way?

The first hundred pages of a book is build up. You get to know the players. You get to know what’s at stake. You get dragged into things whether you want to or not and after a while you realize that you suddenly care about these characters and have a real investment in what happens to them. Then, quite suddenly, stuff gets real. The book shifts subtly and the stakes go way up. The relationships you gained intimate awareness of up and through pg 99 are suddenly in shambles, like that sweater you wore as a kid and you pulled on one thread just a bit too hard and the thread undid another thread and another and another onward until the spiderweb comes unfurled revealing the author’s deeper purpose.

I learned all this, of course, through reading. I learned how to do it through practice and through teaching. Unfortunately the act of teaching itself gravely limited my opportunities to do much more than teach and read the work of others. I fought through my schedule to carve out a niche of writing time. More and more that time gave way to the responsibilities of evaluating student novels. In time I, who taught, did not do. I reserved summers for the heavy writing, but even then I spent more time recovering from the effort of a dozen novel plotlines considered academically. The work weighed on me, no matter how much I love the work.

I can still write. There is no question that I could write considerably more if I did not have to be concerned with teaching. That’s one of the many reasons becoming a full time author is the holy grail of the profession. Maybe those who can also teach, but they don’t do as much as they would otherwise.

I’m fortunate enough in my life to be surrounded by all sorts of people who compliment my personality. One friend, for example, is practically my personal lemonade stand; filled with the idea that life’s lemons aren’t the end of the situation. Having people like that around allows me to remember that a bad situation certainly doesn’t need to remain that way. Another person in my life-one I’ve been around for close to a decade now–always sees the challenge in every situation and believes that we have it in ourselves to rise to any challenge. That brings me to my current challenge.

I coach flag football, a game that is predicated on speed and experience. Among others, I coach a 6-7 yr old team that is filled with kids who’ve never played and or never played at the 6-7 level. In fact, out of the 10 kids on the roster, only 1 played 6-7 last year and only 5 ever played football before. We had our first scrimmage today and learned a lot from the experience. We learned that 4-5 is not even close to 6-7, especially in terms of the rules. 6-7 includes elements of the game like blitzing and passing takes on legitimacy. My players found out about those differences real fast and two were even reduced to tears.

There are two ways to take this: 1. Its gonna be a long dark season of beat downs. 2. This situation can be Belichecked. We can find a way to make the players feel comfortable, gain confidence, and find some enjoyment in the game and the system–all the while squeaking out some wins.

Based on the influences in my life, I’m going with choice #2. I enjoy the challenge of finding ways to make these kids both happy and competitive. It isn’t going to be easy, but if I can get the best out of each of them, then there can be success..

 

Some Thoughts:

1. My sleep-deprived brain came up with some nonsense last night, but I think it is a good thing. Gotta empty out the brain once in a while to make room for new ideas.
2. Tonight wasn’t much better.
3. Watched Deep Impact again today. Morgan Freeman makes for a very charismatic president.

The real problem with all these TV villains trying to take over the world is that their so damned short sighted. I mean, its possible. If you’re enough of a financial bad ass with the political clout to get in the right position you could have a shot. I’m talking Koch brothers money, with a dash of middle eastern sultan thrown in. Still, what does it mean to take over the world?

The way I see it, taking over the world is about centralizing control of global commerce and business through one source. But the world is predicated on a giant Am-way like system where countries like America are on top, living on the lack of resources of others. Now if you’re the big boss, it means all of this negativity generated by the have nots in response to the haves is your fault. Taking over the world means taking on a suite of additional problems   you wouldn’t need to think about otherwise. You’re better off taking over a iHop. At least the problems there are balanced out by a hungry and ever present army customers.

Some Thoughts:

1 Never ever write when you are half asleep.

I spent my first day back at the office trying to plan an ENG 102 experience that incorporates research in a way that is both informative and engaging to students who walk in the door thinking english is on par with root canal in terms of stuff they don’t want to do. Since I’m expecting them to do it for 16 weeks, I need to create an experience that any student would be able to get something out of.

I am a strong believer in the multiplayer classroom. I’ve blogged on game theory often enough for readers to know that I believe people learn better in the crucible of competition. I also feel that the lens or theme through which they learn needs to be relatable. I’ve chosen a few sample research projects to teach them the basic skills and give them the skills they need to know how to conduct their own research. What I’m working on now are the different types of research papers (purpose) and I’m moving towards doing something with conspiracy theories, urban myths, and religious myths. I’d like to do scientific research papers as well. For example, the idea of Lipozene offends me, and I’d love to see students look at these products that fleece folks of their money. How does that kind of research look different than literature or social science research?

I’m starting to feel that twinge of passion for the upcoming semester. I’m not entirely pleased to be back at work so close to the new year, but I know I’ve been spoiled in the past, and I know what an honor it is to do the job I do.

I’ve come upon a dilemma. The other day my mid-kid etched his name into my car. I was outraged and considered forced adoption, sale into slavery, etc. Then tonight I was rearranging the boys’ room and discovered a few more tags with his name on it, but these markings weren’t the nascent scrawls of a budding graffiti artist. They were the marks of a kid who wanted to be noticed. See, these markings weren’t just his name, they were also scribbles professing his relationships to things–never people. His art on paper was much of the same. I rewound the last year in my head, thinking about all of our conversations about his friends. He never was able to count past more than one–maybe two kids as friends and that list shifted based on the sports he was playing ad who he spent time with at school. Everything pointed to the same conclusion–this is a boy with a dearth of friendships.

The more time I spend with my kids the more I start to pick apart the relationships they have with each other and with the outside world. It is through this analysis that I discovered my mid-kid is completely isolated from the social world. I don’t come upon this realization lightly. I know he interacts with kids at school and such, but the boy has never been invited to a play date or ever even talked in terms of best friends or potential sleepovers. This may all be normal for the age, but taken in conjunction with his home situation, a great shadow of sadness crosses my soul. You see, even at home he is the odd man out in a trio of brothers who more often than not like to play the role of a pair.

Part of this is on me. The boy leveled up a grade, leaving behind the kids he grew up with for an older set of children who occasionally like him and occasionally don’t. Six year old second graders are a rare lot, and having the emotional capacity of a six year old and the smarts of a much older kid. It leads not only to disillusionment but to the delusion that you don’t really belong.

So now comes the understanding and the efforts to make it right for the kid. When I think about all the ways he tries to be noticed and be heard, even when they drift way past the realm of acceptable behavior, I know that he’s not merely doing it to be an asshole, but he’s doing it because he’s got nothing else.

Part of being a good parent is understanding what your kids are going through. You can’t fix every problem, but identifying with it is the first important step towards building the kind of relationship a father ought to have with his kid.