Month: June 2014

Michael Bay has too much money. I know this because he stopped giving a damn about what fans think and started using films as a way to reflect his increasingly warped and isolated world view. To quote a Maane Khatchatourian article on yahoo movies, “They love to hate and I don’t care; let them hate,” he told MTV’s Josh Horowitz. “They’re still going to see the movie! I think it’s good to get a little tension. Very good.”

Who can blame him for the attitude. Unlike the work of fellow director, M. Night Shyamalan, no matter what Bay puts out there we are still going to see his crap. TMNT? I’m seeing it. I’d really rather not, but I have kids and even they (if reluctantly) want to see his lens-flare enhanced take on the turtles. What worries me the most is that my kids will look at his films and think, why does he always make women look that way? Why does he always portray races that way? Here’s the problem: Transformers 4 is a epically dysfunctional crapstorm that exists in a reality so far from the racial realism of the real world that Carl Jung might possibly rise from the grave to point at the screen and moan, “See, I was fucking right about archetypes!” Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe Bay is a genius who plays to the largest possible crowd, and sensing the shifting financial fortunes of a Chinese audience, pandered to said audience in such a way that it pleased the groups he felt needed pleasing.

Or, maybe he’s just an old-school idiot.

I’m going with old-school idiot. It would be too limiting to call him racist. That would mean ignoring his strange obsession with trios of women. Heck, even the classic Arcee bot was transformed into a trio of hot crotch rockets that happened to hologram sexy female triplets. This trio motif continues on in Transformers 4 where we are greeted by three secretaries in matching heels (displayed in a typically lingering shot). Women are scantily clad (and stupid) all over this film. To make matters worse, the only stand up woman in the entire film is portrayed by an Asian woman who winds up being a kung-fu master. That isn’t the ‘matters worse’ part. The ‘matters worse’ part is when she is saved by some random Asian dude who was waiting in the elevator watching her being beat to death. At some point the dude decides she can no longer handle herself and, because he is also a jung-fu master, beats a top-notch CIA assassin into unconsciousness in under 15 seconds.

Yeah, that happened.

Sadly, nothing much more positive than that happened. I spent most of the film playing find-the-plot between senseless battles and mourning the disappointing appearance of iconic transformers in the most underwhelming way possible. At one point I stopped and wondered how there were suddenly no hispanics in Texas (where the film starts), no black people anywhere, and why for an extreme stretch of time the film turns into a PSA for how much China loves Hong Kong. I get the last part. The last transformers film grossed $165 million in China. I mean, filmmakers gotta eat. Filmmakers also gotta remember, when catering to the Chinese, it is important to give mention to how much China protects Hong Kong. It is also important to have key product placements (a number of which were chinese–in addition to the reality show that help cast many of the chinese extras).

Transformers 4 has an awful lot of cool special effects. As a visual effects junkie, I love that. On the other hand, I love plot a lot more and Transformers 4 is lacking that completely. But who cares? Bay certainly doesn’t. He’s getting paid regardless.

 

I’ve long preferred wisdom over senseless retribution-driven violence. It is this reasoning that drew me into Tyrant, the new Mid-east drama from FX. The show starts as a drama about the younger of two sons of a middle eastern leader who has been living in America. He returns to his country of origin to attend a wedding. He brings his family, and the drama begins to take hold. The first episode is worth watching. It is new–a departure from what the big 3 channels offer, and right in the vein of the FX/AMC penchant for trying interesting new forms of drama in the cable forum.

Perhaps we should thank the Brits and their reluctant colonies. Between BBC, Australian Broadcasting, and BBC America, quite a few modern marvels are coming from that side of the pond (and America’s topside, of course). Orphan Black, Continuum, Rake, The Musketeers, Dr. Who (of course)… The list of shows goes on and on. Some of these shows (and their remakes) made the cumbersome transition to network TV, while others live in the carefree world of cable TV. I’m hoping Tyrant becomes the next great cable drama and takes the place of the handful of premium channel shows I’ve opted to sacrifice.

If not, there’s always Netflix.

Some Thoughts:

1. 24 hr news is a real problem–especially in terms of people jumping to conclusions. A report came out today (from unconfirmed sources) that Jason Kidd has been given permission to speak to the Bucks about their coaching vacancy. Suddenly an ‘expert’ from ESPN is stating Kidd’s time in Brooklyn is over. Quite presumptuous. Even if he ends up being right, that is a straight guess, homie.

I love to quote Einstein. I especially enjoyed his bit about understanding. He once quipped, “Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.” I can fill a galaxy with the crap I don’t understand–no matter how deeply into nature I stare. So, I figure I’d share a few head scratchers in the hopes that someone else can figure it out.

1. How is CNN still in Business? They don’t cater to any specific audience save for folks who haven’t figured out that CNN has no idea what they are doing or saying…
2. Why is it that Americans treat dogs better than they treat people, but act like cats are some minor form of Demon or at least a creature that is best left to lonely old women with little better to do?
3. Why is it that when kids get extremely tired they mimic the stages of demonic possession?
4. Has anyone let Donald Trump know he is a moron? If not, is it because they’re afraid to hear his famous catch phrase?

These are just a few of the questions circling the drain of my psyche. There are others–some more personal than the rest and none political–but I want to refrain from bad language.

 

… I also want to go to bed.

 

 

Some Thoughts:

1. Watching Sportsnation’s 100 most disrespectful basketball plays of 2014 leaves a perma-smile on my face. The #4 pick here is worth the click. Yeah, its wrong but funny as hell. Just giggle with me now. That kid D’d up better than half my players. No lie.

TV shows and even literature is crammed with the old saying, “you may be younger, but I am wiser.” I laughed off the statement until very recently, when my kids started whipping me at video games. Suddenly their youthful reflexes and energy mattered in a most terrible way, and I, once lord of the digital realm, could be felled by a lowly X button. Our latest arena is the hallowed temples of Fifa 13. I managed to get the better of the 5 year old, but that is where the beating ends. Presently the 7 yr old sits atop the Synthetic Leather Throne. He defeated all comers with his mighty Juventus (who you all may know as owning the player who Suarez went all Mike Tyson on yesterday). I was ranked 3rd for a spell but rediscovered the power of research and with that regained the throne.

Then the kid whipped me again. Now i’m back to two and fearing a challenge from the 9 yr old in the 3 spot.

Games used to be fun. Nowadays it is mortal combat. Kid v. Kid. Father v. son. As much as I love them I want to destroy them on the pitch. Fathers are supposed to be able to teach their kids new things. Where does it say the teaching stops at 7 and there on after the beatings begin? So, I’m back to research. Practicing, scraping through videos, learning the ins and outs of the game and of the teams. They may be younger, but I am wiser. Indeed I plan to teach them a thing or two about being quick on the sticks. It might take me a little longer to get to the level they achieve almost instantly, but I bet my long term growth is going to be something to see.

They got game, but I gotta win.

Luis Suarez is a villain. Not a Sith, mind you, but a villain.

In his recent game against Italy, Suarez (Uruguay) embraced his inner Tyson and bit an opposing player. This underscores a week where the US might have blow their best chance at advancing to the knock out stage, ISIS has taken control of quite a bit of Iraq, and CNN still hasn’t found that damn plane. Okay, the last two have nothing to do with sports, and the last isn’t even newsworthy at this point (thought CNN insists on calling it breaking news and running it as a banner on every stinking page…). All three stories underscore our need for stories in our lives. We want villains to hate, we want wars to denounce, and we want mysteries to solve. Magically, sports can provide us all three.

With the world cup we have a villain in the name of Suarez, and a longstanding war between USA and Ghana that has led to a US defeat in two straight cups, though this year we broke the streak. We also have a mystery cooked up in the form of the original Jules Rimet trophy that was lost in 1983 in–you guessed it–Brazil.

We also have alliances and excitement so palpable that the daily slate of games overshadows everything else going on in the sports world. Did you know the NBA draft is this Thursday? Did you know the Knicks traded Tyson Chandler in a 6 player deal that shed the Ray Felton contract and landed the Knicks a pair of draft picks and a pair of sick point guards? Welcome to NYC, Triangle Offense. This also signals a possibly strong year from the shoot first–defend never PF, Stoudemire.

Carmelo is gone, baby, gone and this deal really helps the Knicks begin the long awaited rebuilding process. The move also helps secure Dirk’s return to the Mavs, who are looking to pull in Carmelo as well. This could be good for everyone.

 

Some Thoughts:

1. Every once in a while this pass year I would drop off my two older boys and then head off to work, forgetting the mute-silent 4 yr old sitting in the backseat. I’d get a block or two away from the edge of town and he’d say, ‘daddy?’ Then I would realize I forgot something. Because of these maybe half a dozen moments, I empathize with the man who left his son in the car for a complete work day. On the other hand, he might have just murdered the kid in the worst way.

Peace is a lie, there is only passion.

Through passion, I gain strength.

Through strength, I gain power.

Through power, I gain victory.

Through victory, my chains are broken.

 

On the surface it is difficult to find much wrong with that statement. Strip away the idea of the evil sith and you find there is much truth in what they put forward. Peace is a lie–at least in my lifetime. The American people have always known war, be it as as a vague conception of good vs. evil or a more specific evil, in the form of a person or group. Passion we embrace as a the driving energy of athletics, athleticism, and all of the fine arts. We laud passion when it is convenient and despair at its announcement when in professional or wealthy settings. Passion indeed brings strength. I’ve been pushing that bit of the credo to my players for years, without fully recognizing the source.

The rest is reality plain and simple. Power and victory are often intertwined. Where the Sith faith goes wrong is in the insistence of evil. Power can be used for the betterment of all, whereas the Sith use power for the betterment of two.

This is going to be sappy.

I’m not one of those dads who says, ‘I didn’t know what I was here to do until I met my kids.’ I’m more of the value added kind of guy. I feel like my life was really good before kids and now things are even better. This isn’t an everyday sort of feeling. Once kids pass a certain age their cute to terrible ratio falls seriously out of whack. Today I watched my kids experience pure joy. They laughed and played and showed an exuberance that reminded me of how utterly great it was to be a kid and how nearly as great it can be to watch them.

Happiness is a gift.  I promised myself that over the next few weeks I would take stock of all the gifts life brings me and, considering that, go forward with deciding how the rest of my life should be. The one thing I know is that is extremely important to experience happiness and share in the happiness of others. Pain happens to all of us, but so does joy. As much pain as I have experienced and will experience in my life, I know that joy is always waiting for me on the other side.

Joy was watching the boys have fun today and seeing how much they appreciate the little things in life that I all too often overlook.

I like winning. I admit it.

Listening to some of the people in coaching I compete against, you’d think that winning has absolutely no value to them. This, of course, often comes at the end of a loss. I’m not prepared to make any claims that the losses don’t matter. It affects me–not so much that I expect to never lose or don’t want my kids to experience loss, but I feel that kids ought to take pride in victory, especially at a time when athletic competitiveness is often treated like a communicable disease. Here in the crucible of sport children are still made to understand challenge and to accept failure as it comes. Yet here there are always some who interfere with that, and make it difficult for those like me to challenge kids, because they have no desire to see such challenges leveled, either against their own kids or kids in general.

We faced this situation today. We came up against a referee who openly claimed our players were too young to have any real ability and shouldn’t be held to standards. Then he proceeded to let them play basketball like it was football–like they were 4 yr olds running with the ball from point A to B without thought of dribbling. Nonetheless we battled back and forth until the buzzer sounded. When it was over, this particular team, unfamiliar with loss had lost by 2. The loss is debatable. The ref took away 2 points earlier, making a call from the wrong end of the court that everyone around the play itself claimed was wrong. .. and terribly late.

Still, a loss is a loss, and though it isn’t deserved, it is a useful tool to motivate them in the future. Victory feels much better once you know what losing feels like.

All the beauty of the World Cup (let’s ignore the socio-political drama of the thing for a moment and focus on the sport itself) has distracted me from my dogged pursuit of footballery. Through all of this round football I missed commentary about, perhaps, the most important moment in NFL offseason: Darelle Revis is now a Patriot.

This matters on so many different levels and is as epic as the releases of first Drew Bledsoe (in order to start a then unknown Tom Brady) and Peyton Manning being released (in order to draft and start an already known Andrew Luck). The Revis thing is different. Sure, the Patriots let go of a proven corner, but as with the Bledsoe situation, this is the Patriot Way. What makes this particular signing so special is that it pulls back the curtain to show us the ‘wizard’ is just a corporate beast. I’m not talking about Revis specifically. I’m talking about the entire business of football. As players often say, football is a business. Regardless of the emotion we fans put behind the ball, it is simply a business model that works more for the owners than the players. We as fans force this sense of loyalty on our players. However, the teams are rarely loyal to them.

The team sees the business end of things. I remember watching the great Jerry Rice forced to wear a Raiders uniform, because he wore out his usefulness in San Francisco. A lot of fans expressed anger over twitter (we can debate the value of tweeting something from beyond a digital chasm) with Revis’ choice to play for a bitter rival. I was pissed too–not because he decided to sign with them, but because they have him and he gets to torment NY QB’s for at least two games this year. I think that fear of Revis is at the core of everyone’s displeasure. However, the facts are this: New York didn’t want him and New England did. This is how business works. Unfortunately, we fans are wooed by the idea of legacy and retiring in the same jersey you first put on, as though the players have some responsibility to the company that isn’t in any way reciprocal.

I bring this up now because we are on the eve of decision 2.0 in the NBA. 4 seasons ago Lebron James was featured in a 1 hour special that culminated in him signing with the Miami Heat for a reduced contract. He took less money to play with the people he wanted to play with and for a shot to leave his mark. Mission Accomplished. 4 years = 4 NBA finals appearances and two rings. Now he has a chance to go 5 for 5 and maybe get a 3rd ring, but a lot of the media pundits are saying it is time for him to go home to Cleveland (as if he owes that team anything). LeBron doesn’t need to play for Cleveland. He does more than enough for the state, and has the right and the wallet to do what makes him happy. He is, in many ways, the opposite of Revis because of the nature of the game. Revis is a mercenary now. He needs to make max dollar, because there are so many brighter stars (in more regarded positions on the field) than him that he cannot make his billion off the field. LeBron can and he will–no matter what team he ends up on.

My money is still on Miami.

I finally sat down and watched Elysium. The film is 4 star according to the unknown (and unclear sourcing of) rubric on Direct TV. 4 stars might be a bit meaty, considering the clearly nutsoid actions of the secondary antagonist. Overall however, the film presented a rather sensible dystopian vision based primarily off the ‘corporate = affluent’ model of future thought. In some ways it is an ode to Ayn Rand, whose seminal work spoke of the great minds of the world going on strike and retreating from the common world. That is what happens with the government and ultra-rich in this story. They retreat  from the world–literally. They move to a fixed orbit space station that affords them all the pleasures of a perfect earth while the rest of the people suffer planetside.

The plot of the story moves us quickly between earth and space, building a larger socio-political message arou[nd what essentially is a love story gone awry. I enjoyed the action and the pacing, but the dynamics between the characters were limited at best. The ‘love’ story is told through flashbacks that center on a mother figure and a quote–a moment in time–that seems somewhat meaningless to the general plot. At the same time, the visuals, reminiscent of District 9, are very powerful and help to cement what is a weak character story dipped heavily in a very interesting world.