Month: June 2017

The number one reason people don’t work out is not time. It is patience–and by patience I mean dedication. The two words are as intertwined as strands of DNA. Without the patience, without the dedication, one cannot achieve the goal. My goals swirl round the concept of personal happiness. The two areas of that I believe require only me to succeed are Writing and Physical health. These are areas of Wellness which create for me the backdrop of my life.

I’m thin on words tonight save those precious few above and a handful I will try to get out below.

Some Thoughts:

1. Yesterday everything did spiral out of control.
2. It often feels like I am not in control of the things that matter most. There is that feeling of spiraling that washes over me and leaves me out of breath,
3. I need something to hold on to.

I wanted to steal a moment before things spiral out of control. I am operating on less than three hours of sleep and less than six cups of coffee. We started the day with a 6 AM football practice and followed up by having a friend over. Later–not too much later from now–we expect to hit the dollar theatre to watch the final Fast and Furious movie. Afterwards I race back to the house to drop the kids off for a sleepover and head back out and across town to pick up my lady and then further out of town towards a concert. Yeah, it is only Tuesday.

I was up late reading stories, playing minecraft, and generally efforting to spark my creative fires. The jury is still out on whether crafting is a help or hinderance or where my head is at with things in general.

Here is what I do think: I think there is a wealth of wonderful material and life left in me, though I feel quite a bit stuck in this space between where I am and where I am going. This is true health-wise, writing wise, romantically, and spatially especially.

Here is what else I think: I am looking for inspiration and guidance in all of these things, but I don’t exactly know where to look. I seek knowledge in books and buddhism mostly. I even read books about parenting and teaching kids to behave, though those things are more situational and intuitive than a book allows. The areas I mentioned are most likely the same, but my level of desperation is quite a bit higher there.

Another night, another Bourbon. I went out and bought glasses this time. Considered it an earlier Father’s Day gift. Tomorrow I’ll take a pull from the MacCellan, 12 year and that will be another gift. Yes, I know that is Scotch. No, I don’t know the fineries between Scotch, Whiskey, and Bourbon. My brain, being what it is, will encourage me to learn. It encouraged me to write, and to write well enough to be considered for an Origin Award. I lost, but the nomination was nice. I am not, however, on the lengthy list of nominees for Ennies. My old partners over at Posthuman studios are up for 4. This is the pre-cut list, of course, but still a rather powerful disappointment. It feels like going out for FroYo and all the machines are busted.

What does feel good is the more-on-than-off as of late ability and desire to turn a phrase. I wonder if my writing engine and my physical exercise engine have been locked in tune. As I start to slowly warm to being a steady writer I am slowly warming to the possibility of not being fat. More importantly, I am warming to the work said shed will require.

I sip between this paragraphs, clearing my palette and my mind. The latter has been able to fully immerse in vacation and as quickly as I did so, it feels entirely over. I start teaching again on the 3rd of July, which by the way is silly. Why hold class the day before the July 4th break? Why make that your first day of classes? Not smart. I expect attendance to be limited.

That is all I got for tonight.

A great sit down with my writers group tonight reminded me of one really important fact: Happiness is paramount. Often I do things in order to make those around me happy and, in the process, sacrifice a slice of my own happiness. I tend to rely on the joy of making others happy as of late without paying any true attention to the basic joys I require.

It is often the little things. I want to stick my feet in the ocean. I want to drink a cup of coffee in peace. I want to enjoy a moment of quiet, or listen to an audiobook or even a dharma talk. Some of those things are more obtainable than others. The ocean is the farthest reach, but I might be able to accomplish that sooner or later.

The key is to find a slice of what makes you happy and devour that as much as you can. It has to be a YOU happy, as I am discovering. It can’t be about the pleasure derived from someone else’s smile. That is a valuable thing and deeply important to my happiness, at least, but I also need to find my own smile. Find my own happy.

That stuff matters.

Some Thoughts:

1. Yesterday I closed the book on the NBA season with a final waiver Wednesday. My attention steers towards youth sports now, as my mid kid is in basketball mode and primed for his second game this Saturday.

The Warriors are the NBA champs, and that has everything to do with hunger. The Warriors lost last year and they knew it ruined their place in history. Still, that didn’t even make them hungry enough. In fact, I believe the Cavs would have won the series if not for the actions of one very hungry player: Kevin Durant.

The man I called the slim assassin (who is actually the Slim Reaper) is among the best in the game and he had never won a title. He’d been to the mountaintop but he came back down ringless. Now this latest matchup gave him all the talent around him he could possibly handle and that was enough to emerge as a champion. He still had to carry them at times though. Here is why: The Warriors were trying to prove something but the Cavs were trying to prove them wrong. Meanwhile, Reaper was gonna get his regardless. He carried that attitude of respect and domination all the way through the series and, for stretches, nobody could stop him.

Consider this: He considered skipping the Olympics to be rested and ready for the season. That is hunger. That hunger was rewarded last night. You go boy. That promise you made to you’re mom when you were 8 just became reality.

Some Thoughts:

1. The Divogue theme isn’t working for me. When I see it I don’t get a happy feeling. It feels…meh. I don’t have anything better yet, but I continue to seek a theme that matches my feelings.
2. Transition day is exceptionally hard lately. To explain, my kids are with me 4 days a week, but one of those days is sandwiched between two of the ex’s three days. This day they are required to get up around 4 in the morning to get to my house so she can go to work. It isn’t ideal. The kids are ruined by 3 pm, which happens to be now.