I opened the computer to the window of an unfinished and unpublished blog. My heart froze in my chest. The air and sense all draining from me at once. Did I screw it up? Twice in less than a year? Does that mean the blog is over and done for?
No. I refuse to accept that. I left it as is and published it. Then I went to work on this one. I can admit my failures. I’ve spent 356 days wallowing in my own failures and inability to do things as they should be done. Yesterday I seized up in so many ways. I recognized so many failures. I saw the darkness in my finances, my parenting, my relationship, my writings. It was a day of realizations that saw me disconnect from the blog in a way that is unforgivable. The blog became another loose thread, unfinished and largely forgotten. How many threads are there? How many projects fall into ruin because I just don’t stay on it; because I cannot stay focused or pay attention long enough to get the work done?
There is a list that stretches down one arm and crawls back up the other. There is a graveyard of projects and failures and misstarts. There is also a realization in their remembrance. There is the realization that this will continue so long as I let it. My greatest failure is carrying too much and doing too little.
Some Thoughts:
- I am more and more intrigued by mysteries of the world–both criminal and otherwise. I think I will indeed theme my research class around that concept.
- Planning for class: Another thing that remains undone…