I usually wait till Wednesdays for these types of conversations, but it’s been on my mind as of late. I’m back at coaching for officially the last go at it. I’m coaching a 14u squad where my 12 yr old is playing. I know some people think this is foolishness, given the age gap between players but to me it is the equivalent of playing middle school football where 7th and 8th graders play together and, occasionally, a 6th grader touches turf. Age is a curious construct in sports. Most parents I’ve encountered this go round have stories of holding their kids back a year in order to better prepare them for sports. I did entirely the opposite. This 12 yr old is the only one that is learning ‘on age’. I find it interesting that nobody in these circles considers that a kid who learns faster or is advanced mentally should be skipped up but a player who is physically advanced should be held back. This dynamic defines youth sports in many ways, because the goal is to gain that feeling of power and success–both as a coach and a parent–and often this comes at the expense of the child.
For a long time I was actively confused about a coach who played his kids up a year. He did it from as early as possible and while the kid and his friends struggled at first, they got stronger through the competition. To go one step further, my mid kid, who was younger than this group and my eldest were both playing with the group. Now my mid kid is very successful playing and learning way above his age class–taking Jr. level and college level classes after turning 14 a few months ago. Meanwhile, the little one is playing with 14 year olds who have yet to clear middle school. Consider that: You can have success playing and learning up so long as you put in the work and have the physical gifts to succeed. The only reason to keep the little one at 12 would be to physically dominate at his own level. Where is the value in that outside of that feeling of power and success? Who is that power and success for/going to? Now he gets to prepare himself for the next level and, at the same time, push himself to get better and push himself beyond what other kids his age are doing. That is how it has been with all my boys in their own ways–especially academically. I may not be the greatest dad, but I feel like I got this one right. Up until two years ago that kid always played up. I stopped the practice as a way to watch him dominate. That was about me and about building this confidence in him that was entirely undeserved. Lesson learned. It made him a weaker player and a weaker individual. Now we are back to him fighting for his right to be at the table. It is uncomfortable and it is challenging. That is what it ought to be. No more super teams. Maybe he gets to play one fun game as an all star, but overall, this thing is about gauging growth.