Month: March 2023

I’m writing this post on a dying macbook and thus is the subject of the post. I bought this book a few years back. It is a mid 2012 model and, by all accounts, it ought to already be dead. Still, I’ve used it for some time and taken good care of it. The book is a good system that only now is starting to show major lag. The problem, as I diagnose it, is the hard drive. This old boy is probably not running a ssd. It is a TOSHIBA MK5065GSXF, which a brief search indicates as a 2.5 inch SATA drive with 5400 RPM… running Catalina. This is why this computer doesn’t get out much.

I used to be a step behind in tech. The reasons were clear: I didn’t have cutting edge money or even need. Now I am so far behind that everything I use feels obsolete. I listen to people on games talking about frame rate and I’m just happy I can actually play the dang game at all. So, one of the things on my 2023 list is to get back to an understanding of tech where what I write is still reflective of an understanding of the speed of the tech curve. I’m not there yet, obviously. First I gotta grab a Solid State Drive.

Sitting in my office on this Sunday Morning with my cup of decaf and watching my own Zima Blue scrub the sides of my pool, I’m struck by what my life is right now. I’m a professor and an author. I’m working on a sequel to my first major market novel and thinking about the opportunity to turn that two into four and then move on to the next thing. I’m considering all of the possibilities in the world, yet I am held back by this understanding that I’m not entirely right. I’m dealing with serious hypertension and, following the recent death of Lance Reddick at the age of 60, I’m freaked out. He died of natural causes, which for people who look like us generally means a heart condition. 41% of African Americans have high blood pressure. So many of us ignore it or at the least don’t change our habits or monitor the situation early enough to fix the problem. I don’t. I haven’t. I’m walking around pushing 148/95 on a daily basis. I’m basically the walking dead unless I get this situation under control.

But how? Medication is not helping. Lack of sleep is making it much worse. In the early hours I read about this device called a Resperate, which in essence monitors and directs you through a 15 minute meditative breathing session. This is the Way. It is what I’ve been running from for some time now. I have avoided silence and peace out of fear of my inner thoughts, and here I am learning that I need to confront those thoughts and fears and feelings in order to not die. So, that’s step one on the agenda. Get back to the breath.

Yesterday continued a long string of very short blogs with that occasional burst of energy and information that makes me feel like I am getting back some of that old juice that make me feel like I am legitimate producer as a writer. However these lulls–these ten minute poop fests of 50 words or less are becoming more common. I think there are a number of reasons that I need to dig through in order to make sense of them. The primary one being stress. More specifically, high blood pressure and the ever-increasing fear of impending death. We all gotta go sometime, but nobody ever thinks it’s right now until its too late to do anything about it. Well, I’m starting to think it is right now unless I do something about it. As such, I haven’t been much for the words.

I don’t talk about birthdays much. I find them to be extremely self reflective moments but often they are done in such an external fashion that it is hard to ignore what a person thinks or feels about themselves and their own aging. I, for one, hate getting old. As a reflection I tend to do really childish stuff. Thus I spent today playing games and watching superhero movies in search of that young me who is locked in this old body. It actually felt really good.

I’ve been talking a bunch about being ill and not having the mental energy to write. It cost me a few days worth of productivity so far. In fact, I was only able to work on two chapters today and minimally at that, vs. doing three or four or more. I’d like to be further along at this point vs. hovering around 1% a day. At that pace it is likely 100 days to a first draft. That is way too long. In the eyes of the top publishers, a novel ought to be ready in 6 months. A solid writer should therefore turn out at least two books a year or even more. I’d like to be able to get to the point where I am a 4 month guy and turn out three solid pieces of work a year, and possibly do so while being able to roam the planet like some writerly Kane without the Kung Fu. Thus the legend must continue onward through this re-motivational period.

In essence it is about routine and rhythm. I have yet to find either, but I am getting closer. I have the schedule book at my fingertips in which I plan to script out something workable with room for change based on location (we travel a lot) and finding ways to squeeze in writing time in all situations. For example, writing on a plane has become impossible. One of two things has happened: I’ve either grown too large and the writing space has thus become cramped, or the planes in which I fly are offering less space. Since I can do nothing to fix the latter, I ought to be finding time in my schedule to defeat the former. I’m not. I should be.

These are the little things that cling to my daily thinking like barnacles on a ship. I need to be better at clearing away such distractions and getting myself right and in the proper headspace to write. Look, I was better already. At least better in these ten minutes than what I put forward yesterday.

Some Thoughts:

1. Giants… trying to trust the process here.
2. Food… Gotta get back on a better page with food. Especially having a better and fuller breakfast. It all starts with Raisin Nut Bran.

Busy week in the football world. The Giants traded for a legitimate receiving TE in Darren Waller and they got that trade by shopping the pick they received for, wait for it, Kadarious Toney. Ok, Schoen. I see you. Seriously. He’s worked some serious magic over his brief tenure. Now if he could conjure a receiving corps, and at least one lockdown corner we’d be about that conference championship. Perhaps he appeals to Zeke’s better nature and convinces the hard-nosed running back to join the G-men and run it back against the Cowboys? Depends on if Bijan is still available draft day.

The draft is roughly a month out and the free agency moves are definitely shaping what teams are going to do on draft day. Hopefully the Giants can grab a Bijan or similar talent. I fear the CB crop isn’t really that solid, despite the early hoopla about who is good. Several mocks have the first 4 picks being QBs. Will Levis is getting that Zach Wilson treatment and he’s about to have that Zach Wilson failure. He and Richardson are getting the smoke whereas Bryce Young and CJ Stroud have already been talked about so much that the media clearly wants a new story to pitch; a new name to put out there. Of the 4 corners supposed to go in the 1st, none is the Georgia CB who locked up top WRs all season. That is a curious one to be sure…

Some Thoughts:

1. Slowly trying to crawl back to health. I slept away the middle of the day, which is totally not like me. In fact, I abhor it.

New Novel at 8% completion. That is not a high number, but it is nice to see that there is a number, and that I am falling back into the writing way. Writing is about patience and dedication and butt in chair. Those are the big three things you have to be able to accomplish in order to be successful at any level of the craft. I’m a patient person and my dedication has remained steadfast for decades. My butt, however…

You gotta do it all to make it work. Each story demands a process, and occasionally that process changes. I am still searching out my process in all of this, and I know I’ll get there and it won’t look anything like I expect it to (which is also part of the process). The organic nature of it makes me happy.

Some Thoughts:

1. Yesterday was a sham of a blog. I hit a wall and slid to the floor.
2. Today is better. It isn’t long, because I am slow, but I am getting better.
3. Sucks to be sick and mentally off balance.

The hardest thing to do once you’re in a state of chill is to do anything else. I’m borderline sick, based on the weird way my body is behaving. In truth I haven’t been right for the last few years and most of that is a worsening of conditions. I’ve let my health go to a level beyond normal and I need to get it back.

Some Thoughts:

1. Looks like I have the numbering right this time. This is a good thing. It means I’m actually on my game this iteration. Let’s keep things that way overall.

I love Mariokart.

Though my skills have declined precipitously over the past decade, I still have love for the game. I am such a fan and aficionado that I knew all of the tracks the Mariokart ride paid homage to throughout this Augmented Reality experience. Yep, that’s right. The new Mario ride is AR. You wear an AR mask and this is the only interface on which you can see Team Mario and Team Bowser. You are racing against Team Bowser, and the construction of the game is such that four people ride in a Kart and each, with their own steering wheel, are only interacting with the AR while the Kart does its thing on the track.

Your goal is to score 100 plus points. Presently the record is close to 250. I scored 132 and 122 respectively, because I shot way too many shells at the same target. So, what happens is you see the enemy team on your goggles as well as Ghosts, and other characters you’re supposed to shoot and you shoot them. Also, you are directed to turn the wheel at certain times for additional points. However, the turns don’t translate to actual Kart movement.

It felt like a miss. It felt like a near miss. It felt like you could have built a game around racing and, at least, divided the people in the room into Team Bowser and Team Mario and been competitive. You could’ve even made it so the racers played against each other. They tried that with the point system. They show the points for each Kart and the point winner for each Kart, and the overall points person for the match. This is all good… but not great. Given the standard 150 minute wait time, it needed to be great.

Some Thoughts:

1. I’m actually getting old. Like really old. I’m pushing 48.

I want to talk MarioWorld.

Yesterday I went to Nintendoland Hollywood and was excited to see what sort of magic the space offered. The conditions were rainy and overcast, and I actually think that helped out. The world looks like a compressed version of the entire Super Mario game. Against the backdrop of gray skies, the coins and the koopas and all of the other animatronics looked surprisingly real. Visually, the location is stunning. You don’t want to miss that part at all. The main attraction is Bowser’s Castle, which houses the main ride. Unlike other main attractions, the location is larger than it needs to be to house the ride, because the ride itself is quite short. We’ll get to that.

Like Hogwarts before it, Bowser’s Castle is meant to show you the life and style of its inhabitants. In this case the focus is wholly on Bowser right up until you hit the ride. You see all the race awards on the wall, and for a long segment, end up in Bowser’s library where he has a collection of books covering topics from how to raise a family to specifics on the different types of shells. It is an amazing creation and matches what I would imagine Bowser’s crib to look like. I loved that section.

Once you get close to the ride it shifts to an MKTV studio where we are led through a series of rooms (like loading screens) that detail the racing life, including a Team Mario ready room with all their racing gear. The game concept is straight forward: We are riding with Team Mario vs. Team Bowser. When you’re getting set up to race they give you visual instructions like in the games… no words–at least not ones you can understand, because it’s that cloud dude talking.

Here is where things get tricky… Also, that’s ten so tune in tomorrow for more!