So, I didn’t die, and now I’m taking the kids to see John Wick. Such are the ways of life in this time and age. My partner says I spend too much time thinking about and constantly taking BP readings. She didn’t want to use the word obsessed but she danced pretty close to saying that if I focus on this so much I’m going to stress out about it. She’s completely right and also too late. I am stressed. I’m writing this blog and thinking about whether I ought to take a reading after. I know I can’t change how things are, but I want to understand how what my body feels like corresponds to readings and I cannot do that yet. What I can say is that I need to inject at least two fifteen minute periods of mediation into my daily routine in order to have a chance to keep this thing under control. In fact, I ought to do three, because the middle of the day and the morning are the two biggest stress points, and if I’m waking up with 150-160 over 105 pressure then I’m not seeing it go down when I sleep.
Best case scenario, I’m seriously damaging my body while trying to adjust to the new meds. Worst case scenario, I’m dying or dead in a week. Morbid? Yes, and chronically unfair, but the truth is what it is and the truth is that I’ve really put myself in a terrible situation that I’m afraid I don’t have the tools to get out of. Regardless, I’m gonna try my ass off, because my partner deserves it and my family deserves it.
I deserve it too.