Month: July 2023

I have far too many windows open on my laptop. It mirrors the absurd number of windows open on my phone, and it shows the number of windows open in my mind. I am not a scatterbrained person, but I am a person who carries too much at all times. There are forty windows open on the phone. Close to that number on the laptop. All of these combine to show that I believe that I need all of these tabs active in order to reach for the projects/conclusions/research I am presently engaged in. If I learn nothing else from this time abroad, I’ve learned this: I need to cut down on everything I am doing because I end up not doing any one thing very well. In other words, in order to be excellent one must focus on the object of excellence alone. I know that I am an intelligent person. To be able to reach for and juggle so many windows and projects only serves to confirm that for me. However, that level of brain strain is reductive at best.

Instead, look to the key tenets of focus…

1. Keep an active and lively journaling system. I have so many things that run through my mind that I should be making a list of them and, once I am done with what I am working on, going to the next item on that list of things that pop into my mind as I work. Normally I just open a window with the intention to get back to it… Obvious fail.
2. Accept the things you cannot do. I’m paraphrasing AA here, but it works all the same. Acceptance is a huge part of workflow. If you try to do everything, then nothing gets done very well. So, focus on what can be done and mentally allow yourself to set the rest aside.
3. Be better…to you. I love ellipses. That pause between statements opens the door to so much meaning. In this case it bridges the gap between self improvement and self-allowance. We are biological machines that need care. Make sure to take care of your machine parts–be it the mental or physical side. You have to be in condition to grind through the tough days. I turn summer into an adventure, because I know the fall is going to be a rough grind of responsibility.

Here is a strange truth: I became complacent over the last decade.

It didn’t happen at once. It was a slow burn that ate through my forward thinking and had me following behind creative nonsense in a ‘yeah, let’s go with that’ mode. I let my voice fall silent for no reason at all. I think it might feel better if I did it to be in the good graces of someone or something or did it because I thought it would lead to an opportunity to have my voice heard or do a hugely creative project at some point, but none of that is true. I did what came easy and let others take the lead in directing where this wonderful world of writing we were creating went. I think about it every day now–especially knowing that I found myself on a project I never actually intended or wanted to be on but was there by request of a team of writers that has shrunk by a 3rd since we got the job. Even in the writing of that proposal I was complacent.

Yet, as I think about a way forward with my own writing I find that I am no longer interested in complacency. I want to do bold things and address new challenges and, above all else, be freaking creative. There’s this old saying goes like (and I’m definitely paraphrasing here) this: If you aren’t living then you’re dying. I believe in that fundamentally. I believe that as my creativity has dwindled, my ability to grow and move forward as a person dwindles beside it. So, I am really done with all of that. I’m done with holding myself back for the purpose of complacency or for what might sell better.

I’m ready to do my own thing.

I spent the day chasing waterfalls. I drove the coast of Vancouver Island chasing down a siting of one beach waterfall after the next. By lunch the lady and I were camped underneath a summer-dried waterfall catching slow-drip sprinkles as we played scrabble. This is the sort of life that ignites my best self. Long have I discussed the power water has over my imagination and creativity. Often I ‘unlock’ myself by turning on the sound of rain on my computer as I work. It is a calming element that, for me, is enough to drown out any outside reality that threatens to barge its way in.

I’m going home in a few days, and that means trying to create a version of this togetherness and this schedule at home. I’m concerned that I’ll fail, because I do every time. However, I keep trying to keep a piece of that joy and chill—that sound of rushing water—with me, because it is in that deluge that I most often rediscover peace, and perhaps the best parts of myself.

some thoughts:

1. It is time to get back to the Justice Engine. As soon as this current novel and these other two projects are handled I’m going to get it moving and try to get that story on paper the way it wants to be told—not the way I’m forcing myself to tell it.
   
2. love isn’t tricky. It just takes perseverance and perspective.
   
3. On a side note, I may have discovered the worlds best croissant. Well, by discover I mean stumbled upon what everyone in Victoria, BC already knows: Crust. Just google it. Seriously.
4. Now I’m going to put my phone away and go wash my hands under the Sandcut Beach Waterfall

I should post a freewrite, but it is after 10 pm and what little brain energy I have left is already fleeing for the night. I’ve been trying to reactivate myself. I walk at least four miles every day and, up until two days ago I was working out in the gym nearly every day. I’m slipping because I’m wearing myself out, but also because I am very lazy when it comes to doing things I don’t want to do. Mike Tyson is quoted with saying “Discipline is doing what you hate to do, but nonetheless doing it like you love it.” I love that quote, but struggle with following through. It isn’t even that I hate exercise. It doesn’t interest me. I struggle with doing what doesn’t fire off the dopamine in my brain. Of course, physical activity is known to increase dopamine (according to animal testing at least), but that hit doesn’t come as fast or as direct as playing a game of Pokemon Live. Such is the world we live in–where working out is a chore more than a lifestyle.

Getting right is key to being a writer.

It is just taking a lot longer than I thought it would… and it is quite a bit more difficult.

Continuing from where I left off yesterday. The goal was, at first, to get four games into the schedule, but I wound up with only time for one. Now I’m moving to week two… but before that, I thought I might share the full ‘set list’ if you will. The games are as follows:

Vs. Perry

Vs. Williams Field

@ Valley Vista

@ Hamilton (Nationally ranked #55)

Game 2 vs. Williams Field is interesting. See, the boy grew up with a kid who plays there now, so it is kind of a friendship mashup game. It is also a game where they have 7 v 7 experience vs. the opposing team. So, we are talking about two teams very familiar with each other’s play style and passing game. This leads me to think the ground attack will be the determining factor. WF is a better football team than Perry, and will be the hardest of the first three games. I also think that the week 1 win will be an important boost leading into this matchup. DV needs to feel confidence in order to play well, and the team’s streaky QB play could factor in big. You cannot have a solid run game unless you have an unstoppable RB/Line or a QB who keeps them from stacking the box. We don’t have that. We have a kid who will be rushed relentlessly and may crack a bit under that pressure. Expect short passes and reliance on his top two wideouts. On the defensive side of the ball, this is where the pass D will be challenged greatly. They need to be able to respond to the underneath stuff and not get too locked in that they miss that one big play over the top. Still, outcome is a W. 2-0 in my book, and already tied for last season.

I’m gonna talk a little High School football here.

I won’t go into the chances my youngest winds up on varsity. Frankly, I want to see the kid play his way up during the season. That being said, it would be lovely to see him and his big bro suited up together again and to have that picture to carry with me moving forward. Until then, the focus is to be on each individual excelling. It the time I have for this blog I cannot really go too deep into the season, so I’ll just start with the first game. Each is an important step towards building a team culture. These kids have dealt with a new coach every single year of their High School careers. This level of change is unprecedented in the state, and them winning more than 2 games (what they won last year) given the situation and schedule would feel like a coup.

It all starts with Perry. This is a school that competed well last year. They crushed DV 24-7 in a game that showed that DV had little heart. It looks like the heart issue will be front and center in this one, with Perry coming in with a larger and better and more experienced squad. That being said, the DV offense is good enough to generate a few scores this time around and the defense is more stout in the secondary, meaning there will be turnovers. I say DV takes a win. A close but much needed win! Two more to go, but starting at one means the heart issue might be fixed out the gate.

Some Thoughts:

1. The Madden problem is far from resolved. At least we are at a place of understanding why the promised 50% off is not happening. So, the system is designed to plug in the EAplay discount (10%) instead of the 50, which means we don’t get the promised discount if we have already be loyal subscribers to EAplay. So, by supporting EA more we get less than what was promised. I see this as a problem.

I’m going back pre blog tonight to a time where writing was the only thing that I felt I really controlled and understood in my life. I was young—maybe 12. It was right after my dad died and the words were really all I had. My mom wasn’t a fan of the sports I was in. I think she put me in them to keep me busy and never cared about my talent level. I played for myself and when I wasn’t playing I was writing. Today I put down 600 words in an hour. Back then it was closer to two thousand and it was entirely handwritten.

I wrote like a demon was in the words. It was unworried writing. Ir was writing that didn’t care what anyone thought. I knew I had stories that had to leave me and I did everything I could to get it down on paper. I miss it. I believe that is how everyone ought to construct a draft or should I say consume a draft because you’re taking something out of the story world and moving it to our own. Today felt a little that way. There were fits and starts of me looking things up to get it exactly right but I’ll train myself out of that. Worries about accuracy are for the pre writing and the revising. The first draft ought to be raw and energetic and come from a place that is at once yourself and outside yourself. I knew this as a kid but as an adult I became consumed with what a reader would say about the draft they never saw. What a foolish thing to worry oneself about.

there are clearly times during the ten minutes I spend here that I fall back into that world and that mold. Mostly it comes in the forms of rants and reviews and discussions about things that end up sounding like rants because I am venting. Of course venting is what writing the first draft ought to feel like. You release all of that story stuck inside of you in order to create a moment of peace when it is finished.

these stories we create matter —if to nobody else but ourselves and it is our responsibility to let them come as they are and clean them up when they are fully formed. I don’t know how to do that anymore but I am learning again.

Here is an old truth. I am pushing 50 years old ad I feel like I am in my mid thirties. It is the sort of thing I can only account for by showing the kind of shows that catch my interest, kind of people I notice on the street, and how I feel in my own skin. I do not feel the kinship I should feel with the older crowd. I perhaps never have. I was playing football with nineteen year olds when I was in my late twenties, so that shows I have always trended younger in my mind. I also think I can perform like a younger person until I realize I cannot and am met with this strange sense of being out of time and place that ruins me. These are the thoughts that run through my head on a weekly basis and a great place to start on a Monday.

Some Thoughts:

1. Life is good. Believe in what you are doing and figure out where you’re headed an life will always be good—even when it is hard.

Nothing highly coherent, so I’ll just launch into…

Some Thoughts:

1. I’ve become increasingly intrigued by the concept of Creation Cards. To that end I picked up a Narata storytelling deck and the Mythulu creation deck. I expect to use both in some fashion to help in the teaching of Mythology, Novel Writing, and Video Game Writing. I only cracked open the Narata, which is beautiful and already wildly interesting, but I don’t know enough to review. In time. All in due time.
2. I’m going to GenCon this year. Not sure what I’m doing there.
3. It is always really sad to see someone who has reached a point in their career where they’ve lost the thread of things. I’m seeing that in one particular writing sector and it is rough. There is a time that comes around that one must step back and look at where they are at with things and how that vision shapes everything around them…
4. Madden really continues to be buggy on all fronts. I have not figured out how to get the access I need to the 50% off and I am largely certain that they have my ea membership completely fragged. Such is life and gaming…
5. Walked three miles to get a burger and go to the beach. Then walked three miles home. Such is the way of a Sunday. Thankfully that sort of action is really helping my blood pressure and stress levels. Feeling solid as a result.

Drained today. I did not sleep well and that has led to a lackluster morning where I’ve failed to even legitimately consider exercise and done little more than walk around half-distractedly. I suspect a proper coffee may ease me out of this funk. The funk is temporary, but the living is good. Yesterday was a day on the beach complete with some writing and scrabble. That sort of living cannot be beat…

Some Thoughts:

1. Lack of sleep is a toxic environment for a writer. I occasionally slip into stressed modes when I’m entirely terrified of going back home and dealing with the stress and drama and disrespect of my daily living environment and that keeps me up at night here as it does always back there. My body responds to it as well–blood pressure creeping up to dangerous levels. All of this to say that my living conditions are not sustainable.
2. Madden screwed us yet again. despite promises of 50% off to those impacted by the franchise glitches in 23 they failed to do this in a proper rollout and instead released it to everyone, which meant they had to fix it, which meant most of us didn’t get the promised discount. So if I want the game–glitches and all–I gotta pay full again. Sad sauce.