Here is a strange truth: I became complacent over the last decade.
It didn’t happen at once. It was a slow burn that ate through my forward thinking and had me following behind creative nonsense in a ‘yeah, let’s go with that’ mode. I let my voice fall silent for no reason at all. I think it might feel better if I did it to be in the good graces of someone or something or did it because I thought it would lead to an opportunity to have my voice heard or do a hugely creative project at some point, but none of that is true. I did what came easy and let others take the lead in directing where this wonderful world of writing we were creating went. I think about it every day now–especially knowing that I found myself on a project I never actually intended or wanted to be on but was there by request of a team of writers that has shrunk by a 3rd since we got the job. Even in the writing of that proposal I was complacent.
Yet, as I think about a way forward with my own writing I find that I am no longer interested in complacency. I want to do bold things and address new challenges and, above all else, be freaking creative. There’s this old saying goes like (and I’m definitely paraphrasing here) this: If you aren’t living then you’re dying. I believe in that fundamentally. I believe that as my creativity has dwindled, my ability to grow and move forward as a person dwindles beside it. So, I am really done with all of that. I’m done with holding myself back for the purpose of complacency or for what might sell better.
I’m ready to do my own thing.