I’m still not back in the swing of writing these Friday stories. I know I need to get there. I know I need to be putting out more fiction on many levels. I’m not. I kind of got into that last post, but the real of it is I haven’t settled back into being here in the states, what that means, or how to function. I didn’t even settle into a rhythm overseas. Now that I am back I am totally messed up and feel my daily energy bleeding away. I don’t have time for anything and what little time I have I spend playing NCAA and listening to Adrian Tchaikovsky books on audio. For the record, he looks exactly like what people expect sci-fi guys to look like. I do not. This is not, of course, why he is winning. He’s working hard and he has good ideas. Two things I seem to lack at present. He is a few years older than me. He and Nnedi Okorafor are supposed to be my peer group in this thing and I am straight slipping and falling, falling, failing.
I say this not to make a proclamation, but to come to the realization that I am the one holding me back. Sad, but true. I can blame a lot of things, but the one true blame is me. I need to unlock that part of myself that is connected to more. I need to reaccess what has been closed off. Then I need to do the dang work.