I have been incredibly introspective over the last few days, but honestly I cannot argue about what. All I know is that I am deep in thought and certain that things are not right without knowing quite how. I am terribly unsettled and feeling as though this fleeting connection I have with my own spirit and spirituality (being the thing that keeps me going and makes me me) is slipping. It is being covered up by an existence that is not at all conducive to a healthy mental state. In other words, I’m not doing very well and have little if nay understanding of how to course correct.
So, as usual, I turn to blogging. Being public about such things is obviously dangerous. Someone will read this (perhaps) and one person or another will weaponize this level of honest introspection to make me look this way or that. I suppose by posting I am saying I am okay with that–okay with people taking their shots. I don’t have the thick skin I once proclaimed, so those shots will also hurt and add to the thick sauce of uncertainty, but I am less worried about that than I am about the inability to course correct.
There is something not right in my life. Several things, actually. It is a daily feeling that I cannot shake or correct. It is beginning to erode the things that are. I’m certain it has to do with my daily routines and those of the people around me and the feelings arising from that. I, like my favorite commercials state, wanna get away. However, running is not the answer. Finding a center in self is. Easier said than done.