I don’t have a title for this one. I do have a slew of things surging through my head, but nothing as coherent as to form a general idea. I could go with the classic “Some thoughts” but I thought I’d hold that one back for the list-style thinking that I learned from Peter King. No, this is more of a random stream of consciousness stemming from the collisions of realization I’ve had about a few things over the past 24 hours. The prime one being that I am old. I am nearly 50 years old, which argues that I have lived longer than I will live, which is not a wonderful feeling. That sense of finality is troubling to me because I don’t want to be old and I certainly don’t want to be dead. I want to be vibrant and vital and have meaningful days (with occasional lapses into nothing but frivolity). But not the ‘old fat guy on the beach’ vibe that I always found terrible. Yet I am primed to be him sooner than I imagine.
So what can be done? Not a lot. Maybe a lot. There are things I can overcome and things I need to accept. For example, I am lazy, therefore I need to accept tighter reins on my freetime, so that I can be productive. I also need to not be topped out where I am right now. I ought to be doing more than I am professionally. I ought to be strengthening my resume as a professor and an author. I enjoy teaching (if just slightly less lately), and the pay is good so there is little need to not to save for publishing a legit best seller or getting some other sort of writing gig.
The other thing I need to accept finally is not being a coach. I struggle with trying to be a student of the game but not actually being as engaged in that world. It simply will not work. In short, I need to move down the path and devote myself to the things I claim to devote myself to. This matters. I ought to make sure I match words to action.