There is no guide book to being a good parent, wife, husband, friend, etc. However, the media is loaded with all sorts of bad advice that reinforces the stereotypical way we think things should be, even when that sort of thinking is detrimental to us entirely. I touched on this idea of archetypes in a Jungian sidebar a few days ago. Sense that moment the idea of the deeper meaning therein has been brewing. I see it everywhere, but especially in terms of patriarchal reinforcement messaging. For example, Matt Lauer recently asked a female CEO if she could be a CEO and a mother–never stopping to consider if a man could be a CEO and a father even though the roles (outside of archtypical representation) are equally demanding.
In my household my summer role is basically that of stay-at-home-dad. I work remotely and spend hours and hours keeping my three boys entertained. I’ve been doing this for close to a decade now, and I can see how much of what is considered the mother’s role really applies to the person who is at home with the kids on a regular basis. The archtypical dad is a provider and steps in to deliver discipline. I do those things as well, but it doesn’t define my relationship with the kids in any way.
I find that I spend days at a time struggling to understand what I am supposed to be/do in the given roles that I have. What does it mean to be a good friend? Am I supposed to call every week? How about a husband? A Dad? A co-worker? Each of us look for the social scripts that are meant to inform our interactions in a given situation. But what if keeping to the script keeps us from expressing individuality and creativity within the role? What if all we are doing is being soldier ants, marching to the beat of longstanding expectation without a thought to how those expectations begin to define us and limit us as people?
Once in a while, I want to be surprised by my interactions. I want to hold my breath and wonder aloud, ‘What’s going to happen next?’