Having escaped the grim uncertainty of a late evening death (seriously, I lost two father-figures that way in as many years. I was certain my number was up), I turned my attentions to the pursuit of a better life and better days. I started thinking about the friendships in my life and which ones I saw as real, or I saw as convenient, or which ones felt necessary. It is clear to me that all of us dance in those three circles, spinning round and round each other in a raucous attempt to make our lives settled yet somewhat interesting. I did all this in solitude, having been relieved of my kids for the day by my ex. I took a day to run errands and tend to the house and dive deeper to find my center, hoping that I can get to that switch that gets me up to full speed. One guess what I figured out:
There is no switch.
That part feels obvious now, especially in light of the recent post where I talked about how I wasn’t the person I was so long ago. I started thinking about the conservation of matter laws and how that could possibly apply to the words. At first I thought of it as a closed system in the sense that all ideas existing on this plane must reside somewhere and as our writing ebbs and flows, so does our access to the idea gestalt. It was all very Stephen King.
Later, staring at a night full of stars I considered that the conservation of words idea might be an internal mechanism. This is to say that the words never leave the closed system that is my writer’s soul but may change form–specifically, the words become dormant until roused through constant prodding. It is a body in rest and motion philosophy.
I suppose then I need to continue spurring myself into motion.
Some Thoughts:
- It pained me greatly to assume that my last blog would have been my last blog. It was, as my dearest friend likes to quip, ‘for shit’. This is inspirational speech here, folks. I have another chance not to suck. That’s always good.