Finally had a chance to see Cabin in the Woods and somehow managed to avoid all of the spoilers. That will not be the case for readers here. This will be spoilerific. Follow the jump if you dare continue…
Cabin in the Woods does more than challenge the traditional horror formula. It gives that formula a purpose and a larger structure by which to be measured. The new mythos centers around ‘The Old Gods’ who are a malevolent bunch, possibly ripped right out of the old testament. These Gods want their yearly sacrifice, but it isn’t enough to merely slay a whore, a virgin, a jester, and a jock (the standard horror complex). You have to kill with style. The victims need to suffer according to the familiar tropes of horror. In this respect, there is a global organization responsible for storing these horrors, collecting unwitting victims and releasing them according to design. The movie follows one such yearly happening from the perspective of the techs working the, well, murders and the victims experiencing a weekend getaway gone wrong.
What makes the film so spectacular is how they bring it all together. There are elements of every horror movie I’ve ever heard of and it is all slapped together sensibly. If the horrors win, the world continues. If the horrors lose, the world is the property of the Old Gods once again. You’ll be surprised how it turns out and why.
Some Thoughts:
- Mark ‘Sanchize’ needs to be benched. I don’t care how much money you’ve paid to play him or how bad it would look approaching the possibility of a trade. Sanchez has awful accuracy that declines sharply past 30 yards. He is a poor decision maker on 3rd down and is constantly hovering near or (more often) below 50% a completion rate. He is Romo with far less success. I don’t know if Tebow is the answer, but he deserves a chance to prove what he can accomplish in this offense. The smattering of snaps he’s had are meaningless if not given the chance to carry at least a full series of downs.
- Fell asleep after the first quarter of the Giants-Cowboys game. The score was 23 – 0 GMen. Woke up in the 3rd facing a 1 pt deficit. Apparently the team fell asleep when too.
- Woke up before dawn to the sounds of someone moving around my room. Turns out it was a kid, nervous about not being able to turn the bathroom light on. The power was out for the whole area. At first I thought the zombie apocalypse had begun. I soon discovered a drunk driver had taken out a transformer. It took six hours to get the lights on again.