Last night I stared at the ocean and wanted to walk in, to leave land behind and join forces with the dolphins and whales and sharks and smaller creatures of the sea to enjoy the power and flow of the ocean at night. Feet away was a woman in jeans wet to her hips who was experiencing that same rapturous feeling. She may have been drunk on the wine and beer, but I was drunk on the experience. That night we made an island and built a wave breaker in the front and walls around it so we could stand on our sand island and watch the sea swirl around us. The beauty of the ocean and the thunder of the waves made me forget that home it was 108 degrees and that on this day, the fourth of july, I would return to the dead desert and try to live. No, survive, because very little by way of ideas and passion thrives out there.
I don’t know if it is the heat or the lack of natural water that makes the desert seem so psychologically uninhabitable. This attitude is the culmination of a gradual shift that started back in the 800’s before I really gained steam, when I was still puttering around and trying to figure out what was next in my life. I suppose I am still puttering around trying to figure out the answer to that question in a sense, but here in the wake of the ocean I know what I don’t want. I know the lands I am bound to and understand that it is my goal, moving forward, to work around those chains to create a life that excites me and fulfills me and those around me.
I know that I will not do this alone. It is important to open myself up to the possibilities of lasting partnership—to the idea that I am going to grow with someone and our goals lead to a common destination. I know this because I recognize that I cannot do this alone and that my weaknesses outnumber my strengths as do all of ours and in that understanding I need to be with someone who (corniness aside) completes me.
All of this I see in the reflection of the sun on the water, in the playful sparring of dolphins against each other and against the waves, in the roar of the ocean slapping against the beach, in the placid faces of surfers in their dream element, and above all else, in the eyes of the people I love.