Some time ago Maslow penned his hierarchy of needs. This was meant to classify, and to a certain extent quantify, the needs that every human has. I believe he was successful in establishing a base to which we can all ascribe individual needs. I do think it bears mentioning that we layer interactions in a way that obscures and even controverts these needs. I’m talking about the way we interact on a daily basis in social circles. All of it points back to Maslow, but it is so layered by the root differences in how we interpret information and how we send information that it has become a science (psychology) to peel back those layers in order to reach back to the root of what an individual is trying to achieve through action.
Once upon a time I had a colleague that was always angry. She wasn’t ‘in your face’ angry, but she wore this incredible burden of, ‘you don’t have it as bad as I do, so you can never understand my reality.’ This was probably true for her. The perception of ease and entitlement she wore was built from her difficulties and lack of entitlement, so understanding her point of view in relationship to my own was darn near impossible. That relationship was further hindered by my ‘shit happens, so go get a shovel’ approach to life. However, I really wanted to know what lived at the core of that feeling. Where is Maslow was this coming from? I believe now that it came from that love-belonging stage, or one step further at the level of esteem, where in a sense her esteem may be tied to external attitude and reflective of those around her. I.e. “how can you say these things and act this way while I am going through what I am going through. You need to be knocked down a peg or two.”
I can certainly relate to that feeling. I understand feeling like you or your situation is not recognized or even under appreciated, heck, at the core of my being is a man who is not recognized as valuable–in the way he wants to be recognized as valuable–by his family and peers. I will probably right a book about that one day, about how that feeling at first drove my writing and then murdered it, but that is a topic for another day. The feeling behind that topic is that same core motivation I believe made that colleague, and many other people behave in a bitchy way. It made them unlivable to a certain type of person who they felt was a challenge to their sense of things and order in the world.
This turned into a bit of a ramble, but the moral of the story is that at the core of all interaction is personal need and the quicker you can recognize the core human need that someone is trying to fulfill in their interaction with you, the faster you will find your way to better relationships and better communications with those around you.
Some Thoughts:
1. 3 blanket night last night. We don’t have heat in the basement level of this dorm where I am staying. Despite the suddenly cold night, I really have enjoyed being out here amongst the trees.
2. I think one of the core questions one should ask of any current and or perspective employee is: in a perfect world, what does your job and your workplace look like. Stay on them until they give a real answer. Don’t accept the ‘my job is lying on a beach in Miami crap’ because that is not true. Explain that it must exist in parameters of state and, to a lesser extent, function.
3. Writing hard right now. Loving it like a fat kid loves cake.