I stumbled across an interview in a fairly prestigious undergraduate research journal. I was the subject of the interview–specific to the work I was doing at the time. I didn’t remember the interview. I don’t remember half the stuff I do and this includes published (even award winning) writing. That is because I don’t do it for the lasting accolades. I do it for the feeling of being done and for getting the words out of my system and into the world. I might be in it for the words. Still, in this world it is vital to remember your accolades and flex your might from time to time just to remind the people around you that you actually do stuff.
I am not good at showing people that I am good. I am not focused on that kind of life. I often wonder if, when I leave this present job, I will be able to find another, because I have done little to express to the world that I am good at anything at all. I don’t preserve proof. Heck, I don’t remember proof and that is a problem that is only going to change due to a change in career or thinking.
This is not a good thing. I work in academia where the people around me toot their horns on a fairly regular occasion. I don’t toot and I am not really a part of the social fabric of the organization, so I appear as dead weight buoyed only by the fact that my students often come back for more classes. You cannot hate too hard on the guy who is pulling down solid Full Time Student Enrollment. But you can treat him like an outsider and dead weight.
Some Thoughts:
- Life is … goofy.