I’ve been in a fairly decent work mode as of late. I am getting things done, not letting the myself fall into the hate trap of focusing on negative things, and grinding down the list of things to do. It is a mundane existence whose reward is, apparently, more of a mundane existence. This is not to say I am not enjoying my daily existence, but to say that it is merely a rehearsed and rehashed existence presently devoid of any real creativity. I wake up in the morning to curl into my partner and that is the highlight of the day. I return to that same action and highlight most evenings, bookending mediocrity.
I am not being creative as I am meant to be.
So, why is this relevant? I am trying to start fresh and build in routines and habits that foster a more creative and an energized life. As my partner often remarks, ‘what are we doing this for?’ and I have only ever been able to suggest, ‘in order to have the money to one day do something different’. In reality this is the so-called American Dream. I have the home and the kids and the stuff that comes with that. I dabble in the coaching world. I play games whenever possible. Is it enough? Nah. That is why the day to day is bugging me.
When I was just teaching there was the thought that I was doing more for the world in some small way. Just recently a student reached out to me to talk about what it would take for her to become a teacher, and that felt good. It felt like I was doing something. Now I have to slog through what basically amounts to a dry and derivative corporate existence in order to create an experience that approaches what teaching offered me personally. All of it in search of what? A few dollars more, I suppose.
I don’t know what I will do moving forward. I know that I will be focusing on being more creative in my life and getting back to the central thread of being a writer.