I’m getting close to the end of the coaching spectrum. I felt it tonight at practice. I’ve been at it too long to feel like I need to feel relevant and I had moments throughout where I felt exactly that way, and I don’t believe I am there for that. I am there because I have something to offer. However, if I don’t I need to move right on and into a life where there is less going on. So, this coaching thing may be over sooner than expected.
A life where there is less going on is the goal. It is the path and the way, but it is also like removing layers of clothing; layers of an entire life peeled away until there is the bare skin and a new beginning. I believe in this path and this way and I am working to get there.
I am working towards a great many ends and one singular new beginning. The more I consider this, the more I am curious and excited about that end goal. At the same time it dims the daily reality because the journey is meant to matter and the journey is so hard and also so filled with loss and change and fighting and sadness and the questions of how to sustain a new life in a way that allows me and my partner to live how we wish.
I am trying to grow and a part of that is shedding old skin, old habits, old desires, and old goals. The future is unwritten, so my partner and I need to start writing it together.