Translucent
He says, “It is only when you focus on the breath that the chaos is silenced.”
I crack one eye open, drawing in quick blips of the room around me. The other ladies are silent and focused. Their eyes are closed, muted to the way his gaze lingers on their near naked bodies; bottoms covered in fabric that expose every flaw and tops nothing but what legally musn’t be exposed. I cannot judge. I am the same. My flaws are laid bare in the curves and bunches of my lululemon gym leggings. They are the diamond textured pair that promise anti-cellulite technology for the low price of $128 dollars. The woman who modeled these is larger than me and that makes me feel better about the way I fit into them. Still, her hair was amazing. A rich textured set of curls only possible for someone with her racial makeup. Not mine. I have frizzy curls that were never popularized, unless you consider that angry Princess Merida popular. I mean, does anyone know she is a princess?
“Breathe.” He’s looking at me now. I shut my one eye quickly, but I can still feel his eyes lasering across my skin like a spotlight. I have good skin, at least. I have that one thing going for me. That and the hint of dimples when I smile real big, but I don’t smile that big that often, because I don’t have a whole lot to smile about. Who does anymore? The world is rotten. People are rotten. Our president is rotten and people follow him and look to him like the way to be when the way to be is to be a good fucking person and he is absolutely not–
“Breathe.” He’s touching me. His hand is on my shoulder. Just three fingers. I can feel them against my skin and my skin feels translucent, like he can see right into me and know what I am thinking about him, about them, and about everything.
“Breathe.” He makes the sound. It is a gust of air moving from the world to deep inside his lungs and then, with a a whoosh, back out again. I try. I squeeze my eyes tighter. I inhale. I exhale.
I inhale.
I exhale.
I wonder what I will eat after class.
I inhale.
I wonder what that sound is beneath everything. Is it the AC? The hum of traffic far away?
I exhale.
I inhale.
I wonder….
I exhale.
I inhale.