I’ve been thinking about myself in the long term sense of value of life and living. It is a truly hard conversation to have, because I struggle to see myself as a person woh truly has something to give to the world. I haven’t been writing and it is a real question if I ever will again. I realized that I wanted to coach more than I wanted to write and I moved on from coaching in pursuit of a different focus in life. What do I really care about? My partner and her happiness, my family (kids primarily), Video Games, Coaching, Football, and Writing. That is it. I’m not writing. I am not coaching ever again, I observe football on a limited basis because that is how it should and how I want it to be here (don’t want this house to be all about football). I play games daily and it probably consumes one to a max of four hours in a day (mostly two flat). So, what else am I about?
What else do I want to be about? Nothing more than checking stuff out. Going places and learning about them, I suppose. I don’t know why people have to choose to be about something (though I have clearly chosen to be about games). I don’t believe that choosing to be about one thing defines a life. I don’t really even know how to or want to define a life. To me a life is exploration and repetition. We do what we do everyday and it becomes our life. So, what does that mean for me personally?
It means my life is waking up with my partner, going off to play games alone or occasionally with the kids, writing for ten minutes, grading for an hour or two, maybe actually teaching that day, watching football one or two days a week, and spending the rest of the time trying to figure out what a life with my partner should look like. This life as it is leads to a mountain of sadness.
Some Thoughts:
- I basically abandoned that bloganovella. I left it deep in the New York underground. I have to go back and rescue it.