Honestly when I loaded up to write the blog I was convinced I missed a day. I could not get around to thinking it was actually Thursday. I say Waiver Wednesday and thought, crap. Then I thought about it for a while and recognized that it was not friday and could not be friday. This is how it feels in the new world when I go into the office once a week and spend the rest of my time working from home and struggling to devise a schedule that I will stick to. It doesn’t help that two of my kids are in college and one is taking his entire semester online, so there is not that sense of having to take kids to school every day. There are few touchstones in the week to remind me of what day it is, so I get lost as a result. I need to be developing my own touchstones–not just day to day but within a day to create a sense of what a day ought to feel like. Right now it is just a matter of ‘when is my partner getting home?’
Life is good, in general. I have long stretches of the day where everything is wonderful. Then, inexcusably, I do something to damage my relationship and spend a large part of the remains of the day trying to set it right. I’ve reached the conclusion that I am a thoughtless partner, and it is getting worse each day. I need to figure out a way to get better–be a better person and version of myself. I would not be surprised if I wind up alone in a year’s time. People can only deal with living below expectations for so long before they decide to find a way to reach their expectations.
Some Thoughts:
- Turns out I have none tonight…