Seems like I am slipping again. I’m not hitting that publish button a second time, which means I am not really focused on what I am putting down on the screen (page?!). This peculiar habit rises every so often, so I wanted to dive back to a time when it arose prior and think about what was going on then. That led me to a post from 4.85. Only, here is the thing: I never published it. It remains one of 24 unpublished draft posts from various spots in the past. The most difficult aspect of this is that these posts reflect a sum of 240 minutes of my life that I meant to have external value that never actually did. I wasted those words in a sense.
All that being said, I’m still in that place to a certain extent. I am steel dealing with hypertension–thought I am at stage two (at least) all the time, vs. being at stage one in that post. All of the issues and situations in my life way back then still resonate. It is in this fashion that I have learned that I am not moving forward, though I am really trying to do so.
I am giving myself this week to get my shit together. It’s been 17,155 days of me being aware that I drew breath. Time to use that awareness to do something.