I’ve always been the man who wanted to be there for his boys. It is harder to do that when the way you want to be there isn’t really understood by anyone but them and you. Instead it becomes a ‘why does this matter so much?’ proposition that you cannot really explain because it is entirely foreign to everyone but you and the dudes involved and that makes it seem entirely insular. That too builds walls in a family situation.
I want to be at every game. I spent time at a father/son retreat today and that room was filled with people who understood what I was talking about. It was nice to be understood–to hear a coach say that the first person these kids look for when they hit the field is you. I never knew how to articulate that. I never knew how to say that I was missing that as a player–that I never had anyone at a game for me. I always played for myself but I wanted to know people who loved me were out there watching, and not having that made me recognize how much that meant and not giving that to my kids makes me realize how much I’m failing as a dad by not doing it.
Other revelations rose from the father/son, but I’m not sure I’m ready to write that out yet. Until then…
Some Thoughts:
- There are things about playing football that teach you about being an adult.
- There are lessons about adulthood that can be learned in the basic every day moments, and I don’t believe those lessons are always being taught to kids–even my kids. I want them to all have healthy and positive lives, and I wonder daily if that is going to be the case for any of them.