I found a post from 11 years ago where I talked about the hurdles of being a parent. Back then my biggest fear was my kid having an unhealthy fear of death… like his dad. Since then he’s experienced people close to him dying and survived that. He’s living and loving his senior year–doing it the right way. Meanwhile his little brother is struggling mightily as a freshman and pulling away day by day. So all that about me being a good parent? Yeah, I’m good only in baseball terms. I’m claiming success on two out of three and I fear I’m losing that 3rd quickly. I don’t know how to reverse course there. I don’t want to be coach dad too much but being dad dad isn’t working for him. He is isolating in his tech and really checking out on the world at large. I don’t feel like a good parent when it comes to him. I also don’t know what to do to turn it around. I don’t know how to talk to the kid in a way that he listens or communicates beyond one word responses. I’m losing and fast.
So, am I a good pop? Heck, when you throw in the adopted kids, my dad’ing’ average is about .350. I’m counting 1 of the six as a partial win. Baseball numbers indeed. But parenting isn’t baseball. I cannot rest on individual success but have to rest on what I did and what I created and what I gave to the relationships. I don’t ever think I gave enough–especially with the ones I’ve lost or don’t actually even care about me that much. That’s my reflection and growth on parenting. It is thankless work that never ends and never turns out the way you hoped.