10 Minute Rule

So, Bell ain’t coming. I am a little bit surprised, especially given the concussion protocol to their starter, but maybe that is part of why he stayed away. Think of it this way: Bell is guaranteed 25 million on a 1 year deal next year or will get a longer term deal from another team. I think he gets  a deal from another team and plays for at least three and up to five more years of quality play. If he played this year, like Earl Thomas and Dez Bryant he might have ended up injured and with no future contract (or at least a reduced contract). Players (ex players especially) and media sound pissed about him doing this, but I feel for the dude. He was franchised once before and played and doing it again all but ensured he would be not only setting a precedent but allowing himself to be used and degraded (again, see: Earl Thomas). 

In brighter sports news, the New York Football Giants won their second game of the season. I really enjoyed watching the game. It was as fun as winning with the G-men in the Madden franchise (harder to do than it sounds). They will ride that brief momentum into the upcoming home game against Fitzmagick and the Bucs. I call this a win for the G-men, but I always choose the Giants and can no longer be trusted in that respect. There are bits and pieces of evidence to support my claim. The Bucs rank near the bottom of the league in multiple defensive categories. Add that to the resurgence of the Giants line and I’m saying there’s a chance.

I watched Okja today (Netflix) and was incredibly surprised at the darkness and overall depth of story the film presented. It wasn’t that I felt that this type of film, which is ostensibly about a girl and her pet, could be so deep. I was surprised by the depth of creativity the story looped into a smidge over two hours. 

Let me be clear: I am on the verge of being a cynic. The majority of people in my life have entirely abandoned appreciation of the common in exchange for insult and impatient waiting for something spectacular to fall from the sky. Perhaps I am being too harsh. More specifically, I am hard pressed to find an individual in my life who appreciates a common piece of writing or film in any lasting impressionistic way. Instead I remain the one who sets the bar low. I can watch an episode of Star Trek TNG and carry a piece of it inside of me forever (and I do–the Borg concept is fundamentally prescient). Likewise when I see or read something that is fantastic (in my own mind) I can see layers and layers to that work. 

Here is an important caveat. I occasionally see things that others find incredible as total bollocks. James Vandermeer’s Annihilation is an excellent example. It was meh to me and left me deeply unsatisfied as did the film, whereas everyone else I’ve encountered found both pieces to be quite satisfying (though I must admit the mirroring scene was wonderfully shot as was the crystallization scenery). This is all to say that my opinion is likely highly suspect. 

I enjoy when writers and artists play with familiar conventions and do it in slightly different ways that highlight their uniqueness or, at the least offer a particularly well shaped take on such things. There is beauty in telling a simple story. It is often like watching two comedians tell the same joke, and realizing that one does that joke quite better than the other, despite saying almost exactly the same words. It is the nuance that separates such things. It is, as is often written, the devil in the detail.

Some Thoughts:

1. Transportation has become a serious hassle in my life, thanks to school sports. The upside is more time in vehicle listening to audiobooks. That’s always nice.
2. I finally won the Super Bowl with a retooled Giants team. The 2025 Super Bowl. Yep, Madden made me wait. I wonder if life will as well.
3. My love returned. I haven’t seen her yet and the waiting has blossomed into a certain tension that can only come from being so close to someone you love yet unable to reach them.

I never served. I barely even write military fiction. Tis is not for a lack of understanding or desire, but instead no real market for such thoughts. Some of my protagonists have been ex-military or associated with some form of a paramilitary force. I’ve researched special forces heavily–to the point where I absolutely want to write a special forces role playing book and even delve into the novel side of things. 

What I find most interesting about the military is the camaraderie between the soldiers in unit and between opposing forces. There is a level of respect for organized military units at the highest level. There is an unequal amount of trash talk, but that is to be expected. 

Maybe what I read and think is all a myth. I know that the way things are in war now bear no resemblance to the medieval-based fantasy conflicts I used to write all the time. Modern warfare is more distant if no less predicated/dictated by technology. The up close and personal aspect of old combat changes the way you see your enemy. 

The opening of one of my favorite poems begins as such:

I’d like for you to be still
It is as though your are absent
And you hear me from far away

Neruda, in this work, finds a sameness in stillness and the duality of love and melancholy. I think that beyond the beauty I liked the message of the poem. I think I liked the idea of silence being something you emerged from. I fear I also see silence as something you emerge from as if drowning and my mouth stutters senselessly and carries me towards fresh predicaments day to day as if to stop–to recognize the stillness itself–would be to drown.

A few nights ago I could not sleep. I lay there in the dark troubled by thoughts of death and ghosts and all my failures enswirling me like the hot blanket that gripped my skin. I could not escape and still make effort to sleep. Both would not have been possible. So, I lay there and accepted the melancholy of the dark and the silence. 

And then I emerged. Subsequent nights have found me suffering from the same affliction, but each successive visit to silence is an opportunity to face it; to chip away and that long forgotten pile of thoughts and despairs waiting for me there. In the stillness there is the breath and the thought and both guide me like the white bars of highway leading to an inner peace.

We all need silence. In this world it is perhaps the hardest thing to achieve. We run to the woods, we take long walks, we leave things behind in search of quiet, but it has always been right wherever we are. I believe I was too frightened to reach for it. Easier to reach for a device than to not to. Perhaps the key to being balanced and at peace is to not reach.

When I think about the difference between ‘pop’ fiction and literature there are many distinguishing qualities. Pop is immediate and often hurried narratives that drive the protagonist through life altering change. Literature is much slower paced and nuanced, often drawn out to the point of being reflective of culture and time and place vs. an action-soaked narration. While the difference between these two are, at times, stark, they both focus allow the reader to fall into our most basic physical responses.

Titillation is defined by dictionary.com as, “the arousal of interest or excitement, especially through sexually suggestive images or words.” I believe this to be truthful and at the core of most story. In other words, story is about people making a connection to other people and more often than not that connection is sexual. Why? Because it is what we most want.  In 2015 Romance made up 34% of the book industry, topping over a billion dollars in sales. That is just romance novels. This doesn’t include mainstream and literary writing that have a love story at the core. Sex sells, but love sells even better. So we end up reading and thus writing stories that contain this element.

Why does that matter? Because of the duality of love and sex in our culture. If we drift too far into the sexual aspect of story it is porn. If we eschew it entirely we miss out on a critical element of story. 

I really and truly have nothing to say. I’m considering just writing nothing for the next ten minutes. That is an important action to take, in fact. Every well established writer I’ve listened to talks about the importance of routine. You have to come to the page every day and try to get something–anything–down. Even if what comes out of you is garbage or drivel, at least something is happening. 

If only I could instill that kind of dedication in my kids. Don’t get me wrong, they are dedicated to video games and youtube to the point of abject idiocy, but neither are giving them any sort of life advantage or experiences. The skills they learn in Fortnite and Call of Duty are limited at best and don’t expand to the point of any realistic gain. I suppose I could argue they are learning that practice makes perfect, but they are simultaneously learning that practice ought to be fun in order to have any real value and that is simply untrue.

Which brings us back to where I am now: grinding out six more minutes of writing in spite of having no desire to do so. 

I am planning to apply for a sabbatical next year. The plan is to write a novel but beyond the novel itself to develop a daily plan for anyone wishing to write a novel or develop a lifestyle around discipline and creation. It ought to be transcribable for business, music, or anything. In essence I’m plotting a way of life. That begins with the central tenet of write no matter what followed by having measured short a long term rewards. What those long term rewards are beyond the work itself is unknown. 

Some Thoughts:

1. I’m alone in this time zone for now. I don’t like that feeling. I do like the feeling that out there under the same stars is a woman who loves me as much as I, her.

Maybe politics is for the old. I’m in my 40’s now and I am definitely focused on the governance of the nation. I’m also completely disappointed in that governance. I’m not one of those who believe Obama was perfect or that Bush Jr. did everything wrong. I do feel like Trump has burned through all of the political capital the former two built up. I do feel like Trump has fooled a portion of the nation into thinking he’s doing a good job. In some ways he is doing a good job. He is helping corporate America do very well. He is helping the rich get richer. However, he is only helping the middle class appear to do better by throwing money at the situation. 

Has anyone stopped to ask where the money is coming from?

To quote The Balance, “The U.S. federal budget deficit for fiscal year 2019 is $985 billion. FY 2019 covers October 1, 2018, through September 30, 2019. The deficit occurs because the U.S. government spending of $4.407 trillion is higher than its revenue of $3.422 trillion.” The gap there has widened from last year by .13 Trillion dollars. That is a leap.

So, in a sense this election was a referendum on Trump, but not from the people who aren’t listening and are not educated. It was the thinking men and women of our nation who stood up and said, ‘we need checks and balances.’ Now that the Dems hold congress we will see if this man truly has mastered the art of the deal, or if he falls back to bully and blame.

Some Thoughts:

1. I have a giant pile of grading waiting for me and let me just say that it has largely been overlooked. I completed grading an essay today and didn’t make a dent in the pile. I cannot wait until this is all gone and I can focus in on writing and get back to thinking about how I balance my life.
2. The best part of my life is going very well right now, and that makes the rest of it entirely bearable.

So, Dez is a Saint. Now there is a man with something to prove to the league. Saints play the Cowboys on 11/29, and that is going to be some kind of show. Think Demaryius Thomas in the first half last weekend. Speaking of once-great receivers, the Joe Horn celebration was an epic moment and really made football fun for me again. 

This weekend ought to be fun as well. The Giants are back in action on Monday night against the surging San Francisco 49rs. Of course, the concept of a 2-7 team surging is silliness. In actuality they won a game against a really bad Raiders team who doesn’t even have Beast Mode on the active roster. So, the G-men actually have a chance to win this one. I’m definitely recording it.

Sam Darnold was exposed this past week to the tune of 4 pics. He threw 3 two weeks before and it is becoming increasing clear that teams have figured out how to stop him and the only teams he is effective against are the ones with a horrible run D. He’s had a passer rating above 80 only 3 times this season. That’d be Colts, Lions, Broncos. The latter was a game in which he completed 45% of his throws and was supported by a rushing effort of 323 total yards. That isn’t about Darnold being good. That’s Crowell averaging 14 yards a carry and the Broncos basically gave up on pass defense and crowded the box (to no avail). 

Darnold sucks. He’s injured this week and as a result the Bills will need to face a real QB who is simply kicking back and collecting a paycheck. This will likely be a Jets win and the team will act like it wasn’t about Darnold being a suck QB. 

I’m calling it right now: Saints v. Chiefs in the Super Bowl. The final 4 will be Saints, Rams, Patriots, and Chiefs.

This is the day that the media has been pitching as a referendum on Trump. Here in AZ the vote is merely a reminder that educated people are consistently favoring the progressive or democratic candidates. The latest exit polls from the tight senate race argue that white voters are in lock step with the Trump pics. Part of me wants to attribute this to religion. The Mormon faith is in lock step on a lot of political issues and when that body decides to vote in one direction it feels like few are likely to buck the trend. What does this mean for Sinema? That remains to be seen. What I know is that the race is razor thin and likely to be decided by less than 10,000 votes. Every vote counts. At this point in my life I believe that and recognize my own agency in directing change in the world. I did not do anything to help Clinton, because I didn’t like her all that much. However, things are no longer as simple as that. We need to have leadership that is leading for the interests of the many and not simply the few. 

I respect Clinton, and I feel like her intelligence far exceeds that of which we were left with. That matters. Our standing in the world matters. Not being a bully matters. Voting absolutely matters.

Some Thoughts:

1. Further evidence that I’m basically done for the semester: While it is clearly voting day, I forgot it was Tuesday no less than three times today. 
2. Lost my phone on Monday and did not recover it until this evening. The beauty of that experience was not being beholden to anyone. Being out of contact is a kind of freedom that offers the opportunity to feel like you can focus on whatever you want and not what everyone else wants from you. I prefer that life.

It is a generous understatement to say that I am absolutely underwater in terms of grading and planning. In truth, I’ve drowned, died, and become a coral reef. Still, the work has to get done before the end of the semester. How? That truly remains to be seen. I think that being so behind is near the heart of why I haven’t been writing. I can translate a lot of my emotional turmoil to the page. Writing is cathartic; grading is not. 

Some Thoughts:

1. My youngest is on a new football team and it was interesting and exciting to see how quickly he gave that team hope. He scored all four of their touchdowns against what was the top team in the league. His team lost but his scoring has since dropped that other team to the #2 seed, all but guaranteeing a first round playoff rematch. There is a good chance his team’s offense and defense undergo a remake prior to the rematch and the changes proposed means they have an excellent shot at winning the rematch. 
2. My mid kid is having a great time on his squad but it seems they have no chance of making the playoffs and extending their season. Unfortunate. It leaves me with a tough choice on what game to watch for the final week of the season, as both play at the same time. Sadly, one is a road game and the younger is a home game, so it is more of a problem to leave him at home than it is for the older. A lot to consider there…