Author: admin

Ten minutes on the clock. Here we go.

So the Giants epically pooped the bed. 27-7 is a near mirror of the 27-0 thrashing last year under the same ‘black out’ conditions in Philly. The difference this year is that the Philly team is not as good and the Giants team is better. Apparently just not better enough tonight. I had a fairly interesting time watching the game–highs and lows and every emotion available to the roller coaster. I suppose I am a tried and true G-Fan now. Not that I haven’t been on this roller coaster since the age of 6. I was born into a city of Giants fans and, at first, I took the oppositional approach. I liked the Jets. I liked the Mets as well, hoping to will them into good fortune. There were millions like me, who apparently accomplished their goals in the 80’s because the Mets were legit. The Jets, not so much.

The Mets are in a position now where they could make the World Series but the Cubs–yes the CUBS!–stand in their way. While I don’t care about baseball all that much, I do care about my team and my city getting the accolades of success. I think a lot of fans function in the same way, becoming fans in order to find unity with the place they live. In that way we forge a certain solidarity in fandom. It can, of course go too far, which is what we see in LA and SF most of the time…

 

Now I’m just rambling…

On occasion I find the hardest thing to do is to get started, especially in regards to things I really don’t enjoy doing. In this case, I don’t want to grade. I don’t want to grade ever again if possible. Of course, that isn’t possible, so here I am blogging about what it takes to pick up the red pen and go to work.

I’m talking about the concept of activation energy. In scientific terms, this is the minimum amount of energy needed to start a reaction. In human terms, this is the minimum amount of energy needed to do something–often something you’d rather not do. It takes considerably less energy to climb the stairs, power up the ps4, and start playing Call of Duty than it does to do a single page of homework. It takes far less energy to turn a TV on than it does to shut it off. This is, of course, all mental gymnastics. The key is that start. How much does it take to just start doing the task you don’t (or even do) want to do?

For me the key factor isn’t even necessarily laziness as much as it is desire. There are just a ton of things I don’t want to do in life. I build schedules to ensnare the things I don’t want to do, locking myself into the tasks in the process. People smarter about these things than I am call what I am talking about discipline. I suppose I try to create discipline within my life (though often with little success). I suppose I could do that quite a bit more.

If I could just figure out the right amount of energy needed to activate, I believe I would be able to build a reward system that helped give me the needed push in order to activate faster, more regularly, and without the apparently requisite level of bitching that goes with performing mundane tasks.

1. Still clearly in that lull/funk where I am not able to generate new ideas. It is like a flu for writers. Too much emotional conflict lately. I feel like there is this swirl of emotions connected to the non-logical portions of my life, including the kids and their activities. I did get to watch their teams all win today–first time this season. I like the way they feel after.
2. I do not like how they act. How is it that the more tired a kid gets the more they become evil.
3. Another night punching keys one by one in order to squeeze out something coherent.
4. Little luck at it this time.

Some days it is a struggle to decide what I want to write about.

A lot of that stems from the stress of having so much going on in my life. Between the kids’ sports and the job and the writing there is little space for the mental downtime in which ideas and aspirations are cultivated. This isn’t to say I don’t make time for such things, but I don’t make time to just sit back and think and reflect everyday. So, I wind up with these days where I don’t have a whole lot to say about anything. Instead I watch the clock dwindle slowly towards mediocrity and hope that tomorrow there will be more words.

I suppose that makes me a writer.

Some Thoughts:

1. Mets v. Cubs in the NLCS? Yeah, thats baseball worth watching.

I asked my eldest yesterday how many of his middle school friends had cell phones. He said, “All of them, daddy.” Somehow I was still surprised by the statement. It didn’t matter that the hallways of my college are filled with students not talking to each other, heads hung and eyes straining to see the world that lives behind a tiny screen. The ubiquity of the cellphone is real. Also real is the social disassociation that arises as a result of it.

Google ‘cell phones and social interaction’ and it will take you to a list of sites starting with an intelligent article by psychology today discussing how cell phones are changing human social interactions. People break up by text. It sounds like a joke but it isn’t. Also real is the fact that these devices provide another layer of insulation between people that is so compelling that individuals often actively ignore the live person standing right next to them in order to dive into a more-distant and virtual relationship.

No point in asking why. It is a lot easier to deal with someone in a time frame that allows you to consider and reflect upon your responses than it is to deal with people in real time. Likewise, tone in texts can be manufactured or obscured at your whim. It is much harder to hide the body language tells of tone in a face to face interaction.

The psychology of cell phones fascinates me to no end, and I want to have more time in my life to study it. I can say this: The way we interact with each other in public spaces is changing for the more distant. We are becoming less and less comfortable with interacting with people who aren’t our close friends. As a result I feel people are becoming more isolated and less diverse.

It is a problem that needs to be studied, or at least considered sooner rather than later.

 

I think I might be part of a dying species.

I say this with the understanding that I may have already written about this previously, but the idea lives in my mind and seems to explain so many differences between the generation I was raised in and the one in which I am raising my children. I will start by staying that I was born in the age of Atari. I played pong when it came out. I remember my many phone conversations being centered around the kitchen wall where the phone lived, my orbit determined by just how far I could stretch the cord. I remember school being about memorization, procedural understanding, and depth of knowledge. I remember when kilobytes were a big deal.

I am no Luddite. I can program in multiple languages (some of which are outdated by now), and strip and build a computer the way military folk breakdown a rifle. Still, I come from an era where I thought about such things very differently. I come from an era where information was internalized and commoditized, where if you did not know something, you simply did not know it and had to locate someone who did or otherwise locate a library or similar location where that knowledge could be slowly absorbed.

Consider that world I am talking about. People knew things and studied them often to the point of at least a degree of specialization. Bob knows how to do X, I know how to do Y and together we can develop Z. We collaborated out of necessity, because carrying multiple forms of knowledge and multiple skillsets was a rare thing.

Today’s world is not at all about what you know. If I ask (or have) a question about anything I can run to the web for the published (and polished) response. I don’t have to be a portable internal library of information, because the portable library is sitting in my pocket, and it makes phone calls too! As a result, the type of knowledge this new species needs is about access and application. We are no longer expecting people to recite Shakespeare verbatim, but to know how to find any line of any given play and interpret that line in a way that is reflective of our needs at that moment.

 

Somehow I have to raise the new species and teach them along the way.

I guess the ‘next man up’ philosophy is still intact in Buffalo. EJ Manuel is next up at QB, and we don’t have a clue what the RB situation is there. I feel for Rex Ryan. The dude cannot catch a break anywhere. Still, he’s been doing fairly well this season under heavy duress. The win his team pulled out last week was on par with what the Giants managed to do that same day. Both teams are moving, inexorably, in the right direction. It is no surprise how I see the NY teams then and no surprise that my Waiver picks target EJ as a QB (if you need one). He’s going to rely on his legs and his short routes, with maybe or shot or two downfield. The key: let the talent around you get open in space. Of course, it would help to know who that talent is…

On to the picks!

NO over ATL
The Falcons are heading into a buzz saw of a home game. I see a lot of scoring here, but in the end the Saints will slow Julio Jones enough to pull out a win.

Jets over Redskins
This is a trap game, but I think the last one served its purpose well. The Jets are now very awake and their #2, Eric Decker, is going to bring down the house.

PIT over AZ
The Cards are very good this year, but this is a home game and the Steelers run game at home will not be denied.

Vikings over Chiefs
Not enough weapons left for the Chiefs to be competitive. The whole offense hinges on one player. I know what that looks like from personal experience. Once that player goes down, the rest of the plan goes to poo. Next man up hasn’t been a thing in KC for a long time.

Bills over Bengals
This is a tough NY pick. The toughest ever. Everything I know says not to pick these guys, especially after the Bengals mopped up Seattle. Still, I think the weaknesses the Bills have are in the areas where the Bengals aren’t strong anyhow.

Bears over Lions
Defense is going to be a problem for both sides. The Bears need this win and I think the momentum from last week carries them through this week.

Broncos over Browns
I don’t think Peyton is comfortable in the offense yet, but I think the D is playing well enough to make this thing work. I also believe the Browns run D isn’t much to look at and the Broncos will exploit that greatly.

Texans over Jaguars
I think the Texans D finally gets on track this week and they do some serious damage against a Jags team that is finally starting to come around as well. I believe this so much that I am streaming their defense.

Titans over Dolphins
Dolphins in too much flux.

Seahawks over Panthers
Packers over Chargers
Ravens over 49rs
Colts over Patriots
Giants over Eagles

I’ve come to the understanding that I am a TV junkie. Like, ‘where is my next hit coming from?’ junkie. Lately the hits keep coming, but they are weak at best. I’ve dabbled in Limitless, returned to Castle, retired NCIS: Los Angeles (Sorry LL, your show is crap. Always has been.), tried hanging with Ballers, studied The Player, learned to Fear the Walking Dead, and so on. Through all of this I learned that there is not much out there worth watching. Fortunately, the situation isn’t a total bust.

If you are into the late night shows then feel good about all three that are running right now. While much has been said about the Tonight Show and the Late Show, equally impressive has been the release of Trevor Noah’s Daily Show. I am happy to say that Noah picked up where Stewart left off, bringing a cuisson of international humor and flavor to a show that had started to become a bit closed off in some ways. I’m happy to know that the show will continue providing the sharp political commentary it has thus far, and though there is an appreciable drop off in the level of intellect provided in the interviews, it is still early and I remain hopeful.

I am also pleased with last night’s return of The Walking Dead. AMC is a hit machine. With its most notable franchise the channel has decided to go away from the dying light and invigorate the series with a big budget, big bang opening episode that promises more human (and ex-human) confrontation than we’ve seen in a while. Rick’s humanity is on the line here–what’s left of it–and we are starting to see what the long term effects of Zombie World really are.

So that’s the rundown thus far. More when I dream it up…

 

Some Thoughts:

1. I am going to hold off on talking about The Martian until I read the book. I have some ideas about why certain scenes and plot devices were included–ideas that relate to how the box office works–but I will refrain until the text tells me more.
2. Sometimes stories start as a result of scripting and outlining–planning the trajectory of a greater idea. Sometimes it can be as simple as a glimpse into another reality. For example, I just started working on a short that started with a conversation I ‘overheard’ in my head. The first line was, Bob said…. And then it goes on to this place where there is a bob and I am writing from the POV of the guy he is talking to. There was no plan in place, no story form or idea. Just Bob and Elliot talking in my head.
3. No, I’m not crazy. Writers, you get me.

 

At least the Giants won.

The game turned into a real nail-biter in the final minutes with the Giants finally pressing and scoring to take the lead. I think like is a lot like that for me. Things get really bleak and dark before anything wonderful can happen. That being said, I must be in line for a great deal of wonderful. As far as the Giants are concerned I am watching Odell Beckham Jr. in tears after a tough win. Things matter more when you work for them; when you earn them you respect what you’ve earned.

So, what have I earned? It is a question I ask myself each day. It is followed by, what am I working towards? Professionally, I am working towards being a respected novelist. I expect that respect to come from those in the community–those who understand what we go through in order to put writing together.

In my personal life I think I have earned at least a peek at happiness. I recognize that true happiness and through and through good partnerships are rare beasts. Mostly we hold on to something that is decent and safe. We huddle together in the darkness of life and try to make the best of each day. Or maybe we don’t. Maybe we linger in the darkness, breathing it in and exhaling spite and disappointment.

We all deal in different ways.

I came to the decision early on in this process to limit my posts about divorce. It isn’t fair to the ex to go on and on about such things. Therefore, this isn’t a post about divorce, but a post about parenting in the after. As much as I like to think I consider the impact of divorce on kids, it isn’t something I actually know how to consider. I can speculate and presume for days. I can fall back on the old adage, ‘they’re young and will get over it’ but the truth is I don’t know. What I do know is that it is hard for kids as young as mine to really comprehend divorce beyond the confusion of having two homes, two separate lives, and two separate sets of parents. It seems that for me, the youngest is having the hardest time dealing with all of it; he doesn’t quite know how to react.

Kids react differently to stressors and divorce is a greater form of that. It is a permanent condition that fractures both trust and understanding, taking away a child’s ability to be truly comfortable at ‘home’ given that often home shifts every few days. I struggle with that aspect of it personally. I will never get used to hearing my kids talk about my house or mommy’s house, never once deigning to call either their home. I also struggle with the idea that when they are with one parent they are missing the other. This temporary yet regularly scheduled sense of loss will indeed follow them throughout childhood. I don’t know what impact it will have on them emotionally, short of resulting in my trying even harder to enjoy the moments we have together and thus possibly providing unrealistic expectations of how parent-child relationships are supposed to be.  I do it because I love them and part of that love is wanting to protect them and wanting them to feel safe. I want to be a good dad, but I don’t want that to mean that they don’t miss their mom. I want her to be a good mom, but I don’t want that to mean they don’t miss me.

Parenting is hard with both parents, but parenting in the after of divorce is something I’m learning to live with.