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So you keep going in the same way that you keep living. Morning after morning you rise and night after night you fall into sleep until you awaken. The keeping going is what you do because there is nothing else to do. There is no value in stopping, because what would happen if you did stop? What would you do next? What else is there? I don’t have that answer or any really. I don’t know that stopping is the answer or keeping going is the answer. I know that I came to the page tonight because I don’t have anything else to do and because it is habit. It is difficult to make habits and it is harder to break habits.

I have several habits that are tough. I play a lot of video games. I coach my kids. I write. These are habits. These are also part of who I am. but are they part of who I would be and who I want to be? I don’t have that answer presently. I don’t know what is next. I know that the now is insanely uncomfortable and I don’t have any way of getting through it faster or better or differently. I don’t have any idea what do do in order to get through this. I’m just going to try to move forward and try to live each day by day by day. Morning becomes day becomes night and unto the next day.

I don’t know if I am going to write a blog tomorrow. I haven’t decided if I find enough value in continuing. At this point the work of ten minutes is pure habit. It is what I do to remain connected to writing when I spend more time on games than I do on creating. There are reasons for this that stretch far beyond what I am capable of sharing on this blog.

I don’t know that I’m getting a lot out of this nor do I know what, if anything would be better or what comes next.

here’s what I know: my desire to write is outpaced by the the immediacy of gaming rewards and tv shows. They—the games especially—offer a quick distraction that folds into hours of lost time.

writing for the sake of writing only motivates me if I feel like I have a story to tell. I don’t. Not presently. I’m dragging everything up on a flimsy sheet of sticky paper disguised as purpose. Hell, even that doesn’t make any sense. The long and short of it is, I don’t have a mind for focusing on anything that matters so long as I can’t get what matters most right. So I fill the hours with distractions until the distractions become a life.

and here we are.

so maybe it’s best to cut all this out. Go dark. See what lives and grows beyond the light

So, we lost. In fact we got beat down. 46-6 and it cost us one of our starting linemen. He broke his collarbone in the loss. The Argos were more physical and bigger and faster. They blocked better. They finished plays and they beat us. There is a lesson to be learned here: You may be the big fish in your pond but when you go out in bigger waters you’re not actually so big. The Argos are a travel team of kids who are largely 14-15 and many of whom were held back. We don’t have those kids. We have multiple 12-13 yr old kids starting the game. We have to be able to recognize that they have more than we do and scheme in such a way to keep their talent locked down and off balance. There will probably be a rematch. The Argos are the only undefeated team and as a result they are the automatic 1 seed barring a freak loss next week. We are somewhere between 2-4. Given that the only other 1 loss teams are the three other D1 teams, we are going to have to find a way to sort out that situation. If we do it purely based on Points For, we get the 2 seed provided we win next week. If we do it by the complicated powerpoints then we may slip to 3 seed. It matters in terms of who hosts the November 6th game, so it matters. We now wait to see who we get next week and how that will impact our season.

Excellent game for the kid tonight. He played like a champ and didn’t allow himself to be out of position. He was only targeted one time the entire game and the ball was overthrown, because he was too close for the QB to drop it in. Like I said, kid did good. Now the other kid needs to do good tomorrow in a situation where he is certainly going to be targeted consistently by his former coach. I’m a bit nervous about my role in all of it. I just need to do what I can to put the kids in position to do their thing. We’ll see how it goes.

Some Thoughts:

1. The love of my life comes back tomorrow. Stoked.
2. Making headway on the backyard project. I’m quite allergic to grass, so it has been an ordeal. I’m considering skipping the rest of the weekend to get the breathing back under control and picking it up on Monday.
3. I ought to get my classes back under control instead.

My son’s (relatively) new kitten is sprawled out on the kitchen counter next to me while I click clack away at today’s blog. His head lols over the side of the granite counter restfully. Occasionally he swipes a paw downward at our last puppy in the litter who, whining, looks up towards him expectantly. Even at this age the puppy knows he’ll never be on a table. He knows there are so many places and elevations in this house that are completely off limits to him and any other dog that lives here. But the cat…

I cannot be sure if it is through choice or feline force of will that so many of us bipedals refuse to train our cats. We (or at least I) find them extremely cute if not occasionally standoffish, but we (I) are willing to tolerate this and so much more from felines than we are from dogs. Canines can’t get away with much. I’ll reserve judgement and analysis on the purse breeds for now, but the average dog isn’t given the same freedoms as the average cat. Maybe its a lack of trust in bowel movements or a ‘size matters’ thing or anything to do with fear. Maybe it is the purring. That hypnotic not-roar tends to shut me down faster than a Mesa, AZ bar approaching 10PM.

And the mewling…

Perhaps the cuteness is key. Cats are far cuter than dogs and that has an impact on how we interact with things. Have you ever wanted to cuddle a cute baby? How about an ugly one? It seems to me that this subject requires further study. John Scalzi once suggested in his writing that Cats may one day replace us–so long as we genetically modify them to have opposable thumbs. He also, more jokingly, talked about Yogurt taking over and their reign was good.

Cats are not quite ready to take over but they are seated in the cuteness epicenter of human culture. Somewhere just beyond that spotlight, a dog is pissed off.

So, we’ve established that I am not good at the entire picking the right players situation. Am I any better at the picking the winning team situation? Let’s find out.

Giants over Panthers
The G-men are loading back up. It will be a close one, but in the end I’m pretty certain the Giants back end can counter the woes of the front end. We are finally (hopefully) on the way to a 2-5 record! Hey, They said they would start slow.

Patriots over Jets
I don’t think Zach Wilson is terrible. I also don’t think he’s very good. He’s a meh QB–a backup who rode in on a trail of hype and wound up on a team that isn’t good. He’s new Darnold, but better skills.

Chiefs over Titans
Chiefs can score too quickly for the Titans to be able to keep up.

Packers over Washington

Dolphins over Falcons
I just don’t believe in the Falcons. I don’t believe in the Dolphins either, BTW, but I think the Falcons are worse.

Broncos over Browns
This is more of a hope situation here I want Bridgewater to win. I want it to be close, because there is a lot I like about the Browns

Ravens over Bengals

Rams over Lions

Eagles over Raiders

Cardinals over Texans

Bucs over Bears

Colts over Niners
I don’t actually know how this will go, but the Colts have played better than their record. I suspect they continue to do so.

Saints over Seahawks
Defense finally steps up and so does Geno? Nah.

I’m tired.

The end? I wish I could get off that easy. Some days I find myself going full tilt for hours and hours. This day felt like I never really stopped moving for longer than an hour and I’ve been at it since 6 AM. I did not get a lot done. In the larger since I handled my business, but it feels personally like I spent a lot of time not doing a whole lot. I am not looking forward to how much needs to be accomplished tomorrow. Among other things I need to start scripting for that game against the Argos. Yep, I was entirely wrong about how scheduling would go and we got the Argos. That means that the Argos will be playing their second straight undefeated D1 team. They crushed the last one 38-0. I expect we have more pride than to go out like that–even with me calling the plays.

Some Thoughts:

1. I am very bad at fantasy football. between the 3 leagues I have 6 total wins in 7 weeks. That’s trash.
2. Youtube and tiktok rappers are nothing special or interesting. That is just the latest way to grind for these young cats.
3. I am very judgmental lately.
4. I haven’t gotten back to writing yet. I’ve been grading like a monster, which I will continue to do tomorrow.
5. That’s all folks…

For the 47th time, lists work.

I’m laying in bed in my phone at 5:30 am thinking about the mountain of stuff that I have to do this morning, which led me to remembering the past four times I did this and forgot a large portion of those responsibilities. I didn’t write them down and as a result they didn’t get done. I simply have too much to do to remember it all in my head. The lack of desire to do most of it also lends itself to forgetting.

The nature of my brain wiring is to focus on instant gratification or close gratification scenarios which I have little actual control over. I was the kid who dreamed about what gifts were going to be under the tree as opposed to focusing on what I could do to earn money for the stuff I wanted as gifts. There is a thread of laziness in that which I handed down to my kids and absolutely ruins my partnership on a weekly basis. I won’t fall into the trap of saying I’m too old to rewire my brain, but I know lists keep me on the right path.

I ought to go write one right now..

Some thoughts:

1. Just read that Colin Powell died of Covid complications. We hear a lot about famous people or even just friends of friends dying of the disease or because of it, but I don’t know anyone personally who died of Covid. Of course, I don’t know anyone who died of Cancer or Pneumonia or the Flu either.
   

Well, we won. It wasn’t the effort or execution I wanted, but here are the standings based on that win:

Team	Win	Loss	Ties	Power Points	PF	PA
Irish	5	0		138	149	6
Raiders	5	0		158	118	34
Liberty Lions	4	1		182.4	150	67
Argos	4	0		178	172	6
Mustangs	3	2		206.8	64	77
Dragons	3	3		151.2	95	67
Spartans	3	1		46.8	83	24
Jr Eagles	2	3		121.2	36	92
Peoria Panthers	2	2		31.2	74	56
Yuma Coyotes	2	2		31.2	21	53
Jr Huskies	2	2		31.2	55	25
Force Football	1	2		15.6	39	53
Ridge Army	1	3		31.2	26	95
Outlaws	1	2		15.6	41	61
Mesa Toros	0	3		50	0	55
Devilbacks	0	3		0	0	106

We haven’t played anyone. We still haven’t played a winning team in the NYS league. We need to do that soon. By the look of things we aren’t going to have 8 games this season. Feels like the only way to even out the number of games is for us to have 7. That puts the next game as our last game of the regular season. So, if not now, when? Playoffs. That’s when. It’s an awful idea to face our first real test when a loss means the end of the season. However, it is entirely possible that this happens. Here’s how:

The top 4 teams are going to be D1 teams and compete for the state D1 championship. 3 teams are undefeated. Given how the league ranks teams (Points For) the idea would likely be to put teams on the verge of D1 against each other to see who is the top. That means the 1 loss teams face off. That also likely means not putting one of the undefeated teams up against each other or up against any real competition or–in a perfect world–against each other. That would mean 5-0 Raiders v. 5-0 Irish. My guess would be the Liberty Lions vs. the West Valley Spartans as another matchup and the Argos v. a 2 win team.

We’ll see Tuesday.

A curious feature of urban neighborhoods is the men’s barbershop. Now, I grew up in an environment where the ‘shop was a cultural touchstone. The men in my life all went to the shop and I was dragged along to get my hair right as well. I heard so many conversations about sports, and culture, and politics, etc. Today was the first time taking my kid to the shop and stepping into that adult role and being part of the conversations the kids hear and eventually learn to emulate.

We talked sports. Basically, that’s all we talked. We went from sport to sport to player to player etc, having banter about who we liked and disliked and why and it was a really good and fun conversation with total strangers. It felt like we were all looking for both common ground and points of conflict to playfully jab each other about, and in the social landscape, I think that is what men do in general. I had a good time being part of the conversation–especially once I decided to boldly wade in. The boy watched and enjoyed listening throughout. He wasn’t ready to make his own commentary.

I need to do more of this. It’s what Dad’s are supposed to do.