Uncategorized

A quit coaching a few years back. I suppose there is a small part of me that wanted every version of the organizations I was a part of to cease and desist when I left. That’s the ego part arguing that it cannot happen without you there. It can, and should–that’s the mature coach part understanding that you’re a part of something larger. I was met with a fork in the road of my life the same way I was when I quit the Dj life. This fork was between coaching and love, because devoting the days to one was not going to jibe with devoting the days to the other. Being a coach full time meant putting it first. I wasn’t going to do that. I put in my last year when my youngest was 12. That was 4 years ago. That was four high school head coaches ago. Now the program is back up and running with a friend and former co-coach at the helm. I’m excited to see him and the program back on its feet. I am excited, because the goal is always to leave something in a better condition than you found it, and in this case that something is the culture and diaper to diploma program of Desert Vista High. I want to see my boy be a part of that legacy and help to lead these future Thunder down a road that will, one day, be successful.

Heck, they may even find some playoff success this year.

Some Thoughts:

1. Glad to have chosen the way I did. There’s a wedding in a few days to prove it.
2. In the meanwhile we are going to grab our daughter and her hubby from the airport in a few hours, which is a shocking development in our lives. We are leading our kids through international travel. Yes, we’ve done it before, but never with the entire tribe. That is just wild.

Not a cohesive blog tonight. No beach write. Just ten minutes of…

Some Thoughts:

1. Weddings are frighteningly expensive.
2. I have suddenly encountered Tariffs and they suck. What makes them suck? Well, its really strange but suddenly I am paying Tariffs on all kinds of products being shipped to me in Canada and not from the USA. Yet there is this sudden uptick in tariff charges… Because of the US? No idea…
3. I did go to the beach today and I did write. I’m on draft 3 of the first of 4000 words for a project and the only 1000 that is entirely me. I’m working hard on this thing and I feel like it should’ve been done two days ago. Weak sauce.
4. Honestly, it is tough to transition from story to game material. Almost as hard as it is to shift from microfiction to fiction. I’m actually looking out for 3K projects right now as I have this advanced elements of fiction class coming along and I need a piece of writing (probably) to focus on during the course. Would be nice to up and publish whatever I create. Nice indeed…
5. Just got the start time for the game my kid is playing against Colo state. 5pm game. Playing under the lights… should be incredible.
6. Not sure if I am going to dive into a waiver wire tomorrow. It is about that time to be thinking about such things, but I have a wedding on Monday and I’m locked in…
7. Wish I had more gas in the tank tonight… I do not.

The beach helps me to clear the chaos in my mind.

It is a dark and wonderful place inside here. As I move through life I collect more thought and ideas and distractions that often remain within that dark theater, playing over and again like short reels on a mix. This makes it hard for me to think, let alone write. The chaos is commanding, leading me down the slippery slope of one rabbit hole or another, never staying on the task at hand. Any new distraction becomes primary, the writing—the work—at hand being of immediate secondary or even tertiary concern. I cannot function that way. 

The beach offer briefer interruption. I have no internet and all of its wondrous distractions. All I have are my thoughts, my programs, and the handful of people roaming across the expanse of gray-brown strand. Those few interruptions are welcome, even entertaining or at least thought provoking. An avid people watcher, I often imagine the lives of the people streaming past me—even more so the ones who choose to interact. What courage it must take to approach a stranger and comment on their actions or even dare ask them what they are up to. I get a lot of that here. I get a lot of unusual here, from the occasional eagle to the Mannequins on the balconies, to the deer and on.

I will miss the beach most of all when we move on. I will miss my solitude and my focus. I will miss the opportunity to listen to the waves lapping against the shore, the unusual people, and on. I am here today, reflecting on this being one of the last days to be here. Weather will mar the missile of the week, and then it is time to celebrate marriage and family. Then it is time to spend a few more days together as a solitary couple before we return home to the kids and to that life centered around work and football. I like this life better. I love the peace, and the time and space. 

I love this place.

The beach is wonderful, even when it is as cold as it is today and only one other soul dares to sit and stare off shore. There are plenty of walkers and plenty of dogs racing across the sands. The waves lazily slap the shore as I warm my hands between words. It would be a wonderful place to share a morning coffee with a loved one. 

I am not doing that. I haven’t done that. The beach has become a separator—a place of work for me as I transition through projects. Presently I am writing 1,000 words on a Shadowrun corporation of my own design, pushing its plot forward into the future. I am trying not to be rote here. I need to be daring and do something that is both interesting and engaging in terms of developing a future ideal for this corp that sets it apart from others and ultimately will get it noticed in an extremely negative way that will trigger a decision to either let it into the ten corp collective that rules the world, or destroy it and its proponents outright. So, the question is: what rises to that level of tomfoolery? More importantly, what is going to be fun and interesting for players.

Writing for RPGs is not quite the same as writing stories—especially in a shared world where other writers will take some control of the thing you created. This has often resulted in characters I am working to develop being murdered (merc’d as I say). This happens all too often. None of these characters are in the process of dying and at least a few aren’t even my characters. Somehow this all feels like training for an eventual run at Marvel (or perhaps DC).

In the meanwhile, I need to do more with plot and creativity. I have yet to push the boundaries of what this genre can be, so these 1000 words is my opportunity to do that. Hold on, fans, it is about to get buck wild.

The sun is beating down pretty hard on me right now. I’m close enough to the shore that the waves are threatening me, but won’t have a chance t reach my toes for another few hours. I came to the beach late. It’s a full house here, with people spread all around. Sunbathers, hang outers, paddle boarders and the like are all having a grand time attempting to create a moment in their lives of relaxation and joy. I’m doing my version of that. I just wrote my vows and now I am writing this blog as a way to move into a different headspace. Won’t be long before the wedding—even less time before the kids show up and this private honeymoon becomes a family reunion. I’m a bit nervous about that part, because we have a lot of big personalities amongst the boys and a few who do not necessarily play nice with others when they are stressed or going through things. It could wear on the lady, and this is the time where no wear is going to be allowed by me or the other people who are dedicated to making this one of the greatest moments of her life.

She met me, of course, which probably wasn’t seen as the greatest moment at the time, but retrospect is a wonderful thing—seriously. Ask her in ten years…

Beyond that I find myself stressed about the upcoming year in general. I have money questions, vacation questions, bigger life questions about health and future goals/opportunities. I am hoping I reach a point in my writing life where I am doing some of this Shadowrun writing not as the primary vein of what I rite, but as more of side work s I am producing the kind of novels I’ve dreamed of creating. Heck, I wrote the plot to the sequel or companion book to the Justice Engine in my mind on the walk home from the grocer the other day. Of course, I haven’t written the primary text, so there’s that.

I need to get back to being a creative first. I don’t know when it was that the creative side of me took a back seat, but I don’t want that to be all there is—I want to get back to creating and consuming mostly really good and interesting stuff. The lack of doing so is wearing on my mind and my soul. I’m too old to let that wear and tear continue. 

I haven’t written on the beach in a few days. Late stage revision required internet research and the beach is no place for such things. I decided to come back this early evening in order to fulfill my ten minute promise. There are many promises running through my brain lately. I need to write my vows, which are in essence, a series of promises. One vow I intend to make is to never make promises I cannot keep. Another is to give the time and respect to my wife and our relationship that it deserves. I think that now, fifty years into this short and wonderful momentary existence I am beginning to truly understand what that means and what it entails. I’ve always been a person who takes on too much, assuming that because I am who I am, I can do all of it. Sure, I can do most of it, but nothing is ever done with the level of focus, dedication, and above all else, commitment to detail that would be done if I wasn’t trying so hard to be everything to everyone. Being with the Lady Talis has taught me that I do not need to be everything to everyone. I just need to be the best version of of myself possible. There’s another vow: I can vow to always strive to be the best version of myself and to recognize my tendencies, both good and otherwise.

Tomorrow I intend to come back here and finish my vows. Then I’ll jump into one of the two projects I’m contracted to finish and then it’s on to the next two novels. The main one—the grad school one—needs the most immediate attention so it will get it. Then I will, on a reasonable schedule, develop a chunk of time to work on developing the new Shadowrun novel, which is not yet contracted. 

Some Thoughts:

1. Nothing better than sitting out here on the beach listening to the waves crash at my feet as I write. This is entirely what I was born to do. 

2. The kid is talking about a leg issue right now. That is proof of how hard camp has been on him thus far. Nobody likes pre-season camp, but this team hasn’t won games in a long time. They need this camp. They need to be 1% better each day and carry that momentum into the season. It is hard to do so when you’re not feeling at the top of your physical game. He’s going to need to focus on getting better now while he doesn’t have classes to concern himself with. Trainer, practice, eat, trainer, repeat. This is the life he’s asking for right now and all the good of the future is directly ahead of him. He needs to be smart, patient, and make sure he gets his body right first.

3. 

I’m struggling with what should be an extremely simple concept. We are developing a booklet for the wedding that will either be 4 or 8 pages folded neatly to create a pamphlet. Now on the surface this eems like a simple thing. We are printing these front to back. Everything on the internet says that you need to print pages 8 and 1 on the first page. 2 and 7 will be the second page. 6-3 will be the third printed page and 4-5 the last side. So I did that. Then I folded the pages.

6 was where 3 ought to be. I have no idea why.

Either the entire internet is wrong about this or I’ve lost my mind and my way in how this is assembled. I want to be the wrong one here. I am going to try it again tomorrow, with my mind being set on understanding why the heck it is not working as it should. It feels like the way the universe insists is dead wrong. What I saw was dead wrong. So, where did I screw up? How does page 6 wind up at the front of the book and 3 at the end? The reversal is pure madness.

On a brighter note, I got a wedding booklet in printable shape in two days. Yay me! Also finished and submitted that pesky novel, so there’s that….

Turns out nobody in college football knows about my kid.

Good.

This is how you sneak up on teams. I’m guessing by week 9 he will be a known commodity just in time for schools to discover he is the commodity they need. The feeling this season is that he and his entire team are going to sneak up on people. That is the only feeling you can get after winning but one game in three years. My boy appeared in 8 games (supposedly) last year, but only really played in about half those games. When he did he shut down the opposing WR. He locked up some of the top guys in the conference and only allowed 1 catch against a dude that was drafted to the NFL in the mid rounds this year. That’s not half bad for a 17 year old trying to establish himself. Wait till you see what he does with 18.

The same can be said for the high schooler. They won two games last year and forfeited those wins due to bad paperwork. When you look at the teams in 6A with the easiest schedules, 5 of the 10 easiest have Desert Vista on it. That’s sneak up on you numbers. The thought is that the defense cannot stop anyone in the pass or run game and the offense is not capable of consistent scoring. The run part has been true, but the kid at free safety this year is mine, and he intends to change that. If he does, he’ll be known too. That is what they both need.

Novel is extremely close now. Principal rewriting is complete and it came in just under 104k. Tomorrow is about editing it to the point where it feels as polished as it should be when I send it back out the editor. It is a lot better of a story and I’ve learned quite a bit from the process about how I shape stories as well as what I need to do in the future to be a better storyteller. I backend a lot of stuff, and I shouldn’t. The buildup I create is wild. Then the action happens very quickly. I need to try a story where the action hits right away. The Lady Talis suggested I take some notes from the King (Stephen) in terms of structure and I am listening. I am also back to learning. I realize I do not know everything. I realize that I teach this stuff to the best of my ability, but there is still plenty of room to learn.

I see the power of process. I am going to imbed process-based techniques into everything I do moving forward. Writing on the beach was and is incredible. I do much better when I don’t have network access. I will find a way to replicate this in the desert.

I did not make it through a chapter today. This one, as you may remember, was a mess. I had to really sit and talk it out with the Lady Talis to unwind some of the nonsense I’d built up. It is a dark ending. It is darker than I expected, but feels a bit rushed as well. The characters are authentically themselves by the end with all that comes with that. You see both sides of a few characters. It is going to fold neatly into the Coda… when it is done.

I expect that to be tomorrow. I expect I’ll be back at the beach and away from distractions. I had to leave today because the bees were after me. They wouldn’t let up and that made it impossible to focus. I finally gave up and walked home. That presented its own challenges. The internet is here. The kids reaching out and asking for things. Wanting to help the lady do things and solve problems. All of those are distractions to the work. It is why I ran out of time and concentration to get the work done.

Hours later, I am here blogging it out. I am excited to get back to it tomorrow and strip away the slew of distractions. I need it. There are two chapters left in this book. I can knock this out before the first. I expect to do so. I want to try and finish both chapters tomorrow and then spend some time editing spots to get the flow right. What I’ve learned about myself as a writer is that how it sounds matters as much as the story being told. The flow is important. I need to strive for more balance between flow and story (plot and plot structure). This novel is a stepping stone to better ones in the future.