There is a particular type of person who sees the change needed in their life and makes those changes immediately. They slam on the breaks, turn the car around and drive hard and fast in the other direction. I’m not that person. I slow down. I make minor corrections. When the cliff arrives, I wonder why I am still going over it. I am too old to make the changes I should’ve made thirty years ago.
I remember when I was in college and trying to put on weight for football. It wasn’t like it is now. I was a walk on without all of the fancy meal plans the other kids who were full scholarship were entitled to. That excuse empowered me to work less. I wound up falling off the team like falling off that cliff and it shows. I still talk about being a walk on in spite of never really reaching the level of success my kid is experiencing now at the college level. I suppose that makes me all bluster and no work.
I suppose I can say the same about the writing. All this effort being made… is it really effort at all to be someone who has survived in a niche market publishing under a handful of labels and only one (supposedly two) novels to his name? At some point a person needs to accept they’ve failed–to truly recognize what that failure looks like and in that acceptance decide where to go from there as opposed to lying to themselves about where they are. The only way to move forward is to see the road your on and understand if you are the kind of person who can change lanes, or if you expect to creep forward towards your eventual doom.