Maybe i should call this burning bridges, or biting off more than I can chew, or trying to be superman, or less than. Any title could fit the situation. The situation is self-awareness in the face of aging. Not complaining, of course, but just having a look under the hood and once again coming to grips with the now and trying to see if that realization can bring me forward to a happier place.
7.22. It isn’t a date. its my 40 yd dash time. Those 350 lb NFL linemen are expected to run 40 yds in 5.00 seconds. 19 yrs ago I ran sub 4.5–almost 3 seconds faster than I move now. I am not fast. Last FB game I couldn’t catch or make smart decisions. Heck, my coaching hasn’t been good in weeks. I am in a slump like none other and it is starting to chip away at my self-confidence.
I should be in the gym working hard and trying to course correct. Maybe, just maybe I’ll hop on the treadmill and put in a mile tomorrow. It is literally the least I can do to be healthy. Still, even that feels like talk-like something I have no intention to do because I have no desire to do it. I find myself falling into these particular conundrums when it comes to the work part of a lot of things.
At what point do I become little more than a good talker with nothing underneath. At what point does recognizing that make me change my ways and be the powerful productive person i once was. Fact is, we can never go backward, but I believe I am capable of being more moving forward.
It is true what they say: Comfortable artists are bad artists.
Some Thoughts:
- My mind is full of spycraft and handlers and I want to rationalize that within a fantasy realm. It could make for a very interesting story idea.