Month: September 2013

So, I’m giving the 90 day novel formula a looksee. Given the positive reviews and the quality of the writing of the text, this looks like a valid structure that I can incorporate into my teaching. I’ve tried quite a few ideas about how to produce a novel on a schedule, and most of them crashed soundlessly on the ears of my students. Worse still, when presented with a living breathing success story, several of those same students managed to tune the fellow out completely, despite the fact that everything he said was a pure gold.

They didn’t see it that way.

I’m fortunate in my life to be in the company of brilliant educators. I spent some time talking with Myrlin Hepworth, and he helped me understand where they are coming from. See, they haven’t faced the trials and tribulations of the publishing world, so they still have the fortune of believing they’re the shit. They can sit back and observe a success story and say, “If he can do it, It is going to be cake for me.”

But it is everything but cake.

I can’t hold their hand and slam their face in the dirt at the same time. I’ve tried telling them about the real writing world, but it isn’t the same as being the proud recipient of a dozen flush letters reminding you that damn near everyone thinks you are telling a story that isn’t worth telling. On the other hand, I can’t let them feel invincible to the point where they blow off a NYT best seller like he’s the guy emptying the trash.

It isn’t everyone in the class who is like this. On the other hand, it is enough of the people that the vibe dictates the environment. It is for that very reason I’ve started bringing in even more guest speakers–former students–to remind the class of why they are there. Maybe I ought to do that for the 4-5 soccer team.

We were blasted this past week. The final score was anywhere between 12-20 to our measly 1 goal. It isn’t the score so much as the fact that hardly anyone on the team showed an interest in playing the game. It is always like this. When I signed up to coach 4-5, I thought I was signing up to teach kids the basics of sports and competition. I did not realize that competition was off the table. This is not the case with all teams. It is a matter of the makeup of the team and the parents as to what you are going to get–and want to get–out of a season. I wish I’d realized that from the get go. I would’ve structured the practices differently, really spending my time focusing on different facets of the players as opposed to working to get them to play together and to kick the ball into the net. It is the same as with the CRW class: Had I been more aware of who and what I was dealing with, I would have gone a different direction.

I guess the message here is, know what you’re dealing with before you get too far down a path to change course.

I define myself as socially awkward.
This isn’t a well known fact, given I am a moderately successful professor who doesn’t rock the tweed and does have more than three friends. Still, I tend to find myself in these situations where I am left asking, Urkel-like, “Did I say that?” As a person whose career is shaped around words, you’d think I’d be more careful about the ones fleeing my lips. At least, you’d think I’d know what poor sentence choices look like.

Tonight I accused my wife of poisoning me (which she did do, btw). The accusation slid out casually in the midst of a conversation that, at the time, had little self-depricating or partner-depricating tones attached. Still, it is part of what she and I do sometimes. We tell stories on the other. This story came up over soup, when I asked my wife what was in the soup we were having at the chop and flip restaurant. That question drew a hint of curiosity from those with us, so I explained that I thought the soup might be the same soup I am allergic to. Then, for reasons I can only classify as social awkwardness, I felt compelled to explain that I’d had the bad soup once and gone delusional for the next two days, like a man possessed with Peyote. Then I continued, explaining that she would know full well what the soup was, because after the initial poisoning, she had occasion to serve the soup to me again and did so. I felt it was a cute story. Nobody else did. Me = awkard.

My awkwardness reads as a mixture of trying to hard and being afraid to simply be myself in all social settings. I am not afraid of what people think about me so much as I am afraid of devilishly misreading what they think about me. It is therefore my natural defense mechanism to try and make an early impact in the conversation to draw out a response that lets me know if I am reading them the way they mean to be read. Misreading = awkward. Forcing a situation where a read can be taken = epically awkward.

So, that’s me. I’m a creature of certainty and a man who is willing to work as hard as is possible to reach a desired outcome, so long as I recognize that I’m not misreading the possibilities of that outcome. Unfortunately, that translates poorly into the social space on occasion, and suddenly everyone knows your wife poisoned you.

There. I said it again…

 

Some Thoughts:

1. That dull pounding at the back of your skull is apparently called a caffeine headache.
2. It is harder to write with a cat perched on your laptop.
3. 11:47 is almost too late for coffee but never too late for aspirin with happy sleepy drugs in it…

When I was in college I wrote a lot of stories from the perspective of a female. I figured, at first, that since I was dating women and really wanted to know how to figure out these ladies I was dating on a psychological level–basically so I could have a better understanding of why I kept breaking up with them. More than one person thought I was gay. A college male who has a healthy respect for women’s shoes, digs home design, and writes women must have a secret desire to have sex with men.

I wrote women, and I learned about authentic writing, because my writing wasn’t authentic. I wrote what I researched and what I desired women to be. I didn’t write with an honest sense of who women are. I had occasion to spend a few hours with author Julie Ann Peters, who writes LGBTQ YA fiction. One of the things she told me was that her book, Luna, which is about a transexual person, was originally from the transexual’s perspective. However, that perspective felt false. So, she had to rewrite the story from the perspective of someone close to the character, as this perspective is clearly a lot more accessible to the writer

Be authentic when you write. In each story there is a character whose POV you can write honestly. It may not be the protagonist you had, but it is the character and thus the character arc that you know how to tell.

Some Thoughts:
1. Having a handful of nascent friendships isn’t as desirable as a handful of deep friendships. I am working towards the latter, though my late life has been the former.

2. 33 states have no law protecting against gender identity discrimination. There are still more frontiers in the equal rights debate. As a result, transgenders are more likely than any other LGBTQ groups to experience violence in their lives, this is notwithstanding the attempted suicide rate of 41%.

3. Thinking about transgender, it is interesting to note how many people are forced to try to pass, because of how society is unwilling to let people be who they need to be. One day I need to task my students to build a hierarchy of discrimination–ranging from most margnalizaed group to least…

Coulson is a Life Model Decoy.

That or he was ressurected by Scarlet Witch, a character certain to debut in the show (as she is his ex) along with her brother, Quicksilver are slated to appear in Avengers: Age of Ultron. Now we know Whedon is using the show as a vehicle to bridge the films and he could introduce characters in this way. We also know Coulson did in fact die from Loki’s blow. Working him back into the continuum isn’t a retcon so much as a plot device to indicate some larger tech or magic.

But enough about the larger plot. The pilot episode of Agents of SHIELD was vintage Whedon, a world crafting, team-building romp into a world dealing with the emergence of Gods. The show inspired me to really reflect on the idea of higher orders of power in the way that few comics have. This is about unpowered people trying to hold the line in a world where your enemy could be a God. It was everything I needed to see in a pilot. I will be back for week 2…

Just like I came back for Riddick 3. Here, it is 10 years after the events of Pitch Black and Riddick has gotten soft and been betrayed by the Necromongers. So, Riddick has to bone up and be a man out on a planet where things are about to get real–Pitch Black style. The movie happens in three phases: Riddick the lone man, Riddick the hunter/killer, and Riddick doing his Pitch Black thing. All three phases are vintage cool with strong visuals and classic one-liners. This isn’t high fiction. The Oscars will not get a copy. At the same time, it is fun and well worth the hour’s wage for a ticket.

17 minutes into the Giants game I started composing a Facebook post. It was a memorial statement really. I said, RIP Giants Playoff hopes. I thought it might mean chances for a single win were fading too. I’m not so sure. There is a true difference between pro and college athletics. Pro players appear to be more okay with sucking and less hungry about winning, but here is the thing: Pro players hate that comparison. They want to be seen as wanting to win and to perform and to give their all every week. The Giants did the exact opposite last week and I refuse to believe they’ve cashed in their chips already.

Betting on the G-men cost me a point, but I got it back with another slick pick against the Niner’s. 9-7 is not great, but it does bring me up to 28-20, a dang site better than .500. I caught Hoge and Wickersham, and I’ll have them both this week. It is all because of these picks:

SF over STL
I’m torn over this pick. STL is a very good home team–they beat the niner’s and Seahawks at home–but I refuse to accept that they can beat an angry niner’s squad–even without their top pass rusher.

BAL over BUF
Buffalo isn’t all that good. The defense let the Jets go wild on them and the Ravens have a lot more offensive speed and weaponry than the Jets can dream of. Worst still, l’il Ray might play.

CIN over CLE
Cleveland is resurgent, but a one week surprise is not enough to put down a CIN team that just knocked off the Packers in a come back win.

DET over CHI
Megatron has his Starscream back. That means that there is a solid ground game and legit passing to a safety back. This means the door is open for the TE to step up and, best of all, Megatron has room to work. I’m just wondering if the new #2 is going to have game.

SEA over HOU
The Seahawks are a very good team, and even on the road they are going to be able to put up a lot of points. The Texans? Not so much.

IND over JAC
I’d pick my 8-9 Flag team over the Jags at this point. My kid could run for about 80 against this squad.

NYG over KC
Say word? WORD. I believe in the G-men. All that stuff above shoulda led you to that conclusion. Yeah, it is Andy Reid and he owns the G, but this is a team in need. Lets just hope that players only meeting led to some soul searching on the O and D lines.

MIN over PIT
When your daughter calls you out and you make that public, you plan to put a foot in someone. I believe that foot is inserted this sunday and AP begins to look like a 2k back again.

AZ over TB
Rookie QB is going to suffer the wrath.

NYJ over TEN
CJ2k has been CJ1K and will look like CJ85yds this week while the Jets struggle to another close win.

DEN over PHI
Close, high scoring, not a chance Vick outduels Manning.

WAS over OAK
Billed as the battle of mobile QB’s, a concussion could immobilize T. Pryor and make this contest moot.

SD over DAL
Not feeling the star this year. I think the bolt is better.

ATL over NE
Unless Gronk and Amendola show, this game is the first time a real O challenges enough to put the game out of reach late.

NO over MIA
Still don’t believe…

I heard a theory from a friend today. She suggested that a person’s productive ability is like a cup. I am paraphrasing here, but the idea is that we fill ourselves up to a certain level. Later, when we shed responsibilities, we cannot shed the level of production, so we pour more into everything we are still doing until we hit the rim. The thing is, certain people have a hard time ever emptying that cup. They tend to fill their time up with tasks or with depth on a particular task, because they don’t know how to do anything else.

Not surprisingly, I’m the guy who doesn’t know how to do anything else. It is a good thing, sort of. It means that when I reduce the number of tasks on my plate it increases the depth allotted to each given task. Sort of. That part varies from person to person. I’m the person who has spent so long juggling multiple tasks that it is difficult to reduce and enrich. I find that in the quiet moments, my mind devolves into chaos. I am so used to doing so much that when I have a moment to think about what I am supposed to do next, I get paralyzed thinking about how many things I could be doing next, and how many things I want to do overall.

This sort of thinking led me down the road to psychological organization. I know that the way to be successful is to have a mental construction of that success. What does it look like? What is important? What needs to be done by when? Again, I ain’t there. At least I know where there is.

Just finished the Blacklist, a frenzied attempt at high drama and (possibly) deep seeded familial intrigue. I watched it for Spader, believing the lead actress didn’t have the chops to carry a show. I was right about that part so far. I’ve come ’round again to the point where a new season of shows pop up and I start hoping that someone will hit the nail on the head and produce something that catches the zeitgeist and moves our society forward in the way we think.

I remain disappointed in the offerings. Its like this: someone gets close (like Orphan Black) and suddenly the commercialization of the industry forces them to pull back some of the more cutting edge ideas in favor of gratuitous action scenes, sex scenes, and or product shots. Modern television shows are convinced that the idea of being cool is more important and relevant than explaining what defines cool and what being cool means.

I first turn to books for these new ideas. I realize less and less people apparently read books in favor of a faster medium of cultural transmission. This is why the new show season is so important. Like it or not, these shows are a great chunk of how our kids learn bout our society.

1. I think I got the rants out of me. Mostly. Some weeks are like that–when all you want to do is provide a litany of barks and complaints about the world around you, because nothing seems right and nobody seems to want to do a damn thing about it.
2. Working on figuring out the trophy situation for the 4-5 yr old team. I think I want to go with rookie of the year and MVP. It is clear that some players who have never played soccer before are stepping it up. It is equally clear that we have 1 superstar and he needs and deserves to be recognized for his mad skillz.
3. I’m tired from the weekend. This is an emotional fatigue that may or may not let up by xmas….
4. Speaking of crazy holiday cheer, I want to take the fam somewhere far away from the lights and sounds of the small city and enjoy the scenery that is AZ at altitude. One day soon this ought to happen. Maybe Flagstaff holds promise in this regard. All I need is a cabin and a dream.
5. The NY Giants are dreaming of a time when they didn’t suck. at least 36 pts allowed in every game this season it seems. How do you play so poorly as a professional and still feel like you deserve top dollar. Heck, the Browns have a better record than you! There goes that Sayre’s law again. I’m emotionally invested in something that doesn’t matter. I watch it happen to my kids all the time. “Yeah, it is just a video game, but I will cut you if you take my wood.”
6. Okay, enough blathering. Maybe this week I will have something better to say.

Jayden Smith tweets, “If Everybody In The World Dropped Out Of School We Would Have A Much More Intelligent Society,” Easy to say for a 15 year old rich kid with four blockbusters under his belt. Now part of me wants to go old school Malcolm X on the dude and holler, ‘Get your hand outta my pocket!’ because he is (A) Messing with the minds of millions of Americans who both respect him and are looking for any reason to not learn and (B) He is messing with my livelihood and thus my nation by failing to realize that his reality is not that of an American but is that of the post-national 1% whose borders are defined by tax brackets and shared ideals. Yes, you can be more intelligent without the controlled curriculum of pubic schooling, but it requires a cadre of private tutors; a Rancho Solano-styled education where the parent cue more resembles the limo pickup line at the airport than anything remotely of the real world. Smith’s head is in the clouds and I wonder how long before he winds up delving into the world on non-prescription drugs in order to stay that high up.

He is one of a rash of recent cases of entitlement. He is an example that entitlement crosses racial barriers–as does ignorance. Take, for example, the many Americans who took to twitter after Ms. New York earned her Ms. America crown. There were gems like, ‘And the Arab wins Miss America. Classic.’ from a kid calling himself Pookie. My personal favorite: Egypt dancing? This is America. #MissAmerica. Two things here. 1: She’s American-Indian–the real Indian, not that crap Columbus made up. 2. The bollywood inspired dance she did in traditional Indian garb is about 3000 miles off of being even close to Egypt, which is about the same distance between Cali and NYC, or the space between the slow-firing synapses of these neanderthals on twitter. Jayden Smith, dropping out of school wouldn’t improve that, because these folks aren’t learning their idiocy in school (unless they live in Texas, in which case it is debatable).One person even tweeted, @ABC2020 nice slap in the face to the people of 9-11 how pathetic#missamerica in response to the news coverage of Ms. Nina Davaluri’s win.

Enough is enough. For too long we’ve proclaimed to be the world’s best, but in the age of new media all we do is showcase our worst. Every dumb, diamond grill-wearing, camouflage wedding dress having, Mountain Dew guzzling, gum-chomping, rifle toting American is on display to the world. We look like fools. When someone with real beauty and talent steps forward to restore this idea of what America was meant to be, all we can do is lump them in with everyone else on that side of the world who isn’t Chinese, Russian, or straight up Black. We accuse them of being immigrants, which somehow makes them Un-American?

Of course people still want to come here. Why wouldn’t they? The new American dream is crossing the border and finally being the smartest, hardest working person in the room. We are not a post-racial country. We will never be a post-religious country so long as we define the war on terror as a war against Radical Muslims. We will never be a smart country so long as we keep pointing the fingers and blaming each other for why we became so damn dumb. There is a lot of work to do, and each time I hear some noise like this I remember why I’ve made it my career and mission to do that work.

 

 

My weight fluctuates like a heartbeat, with Asystole reading at a meager 208 before it leaps up to 216 and dives back below 204. I’d like to live at 190 with good knees, high school speed, and college attitude. I’d love to believe that all these things are possible, but it feels like this longing glance backwards is drag tethering me to an earth that is moving on without me. We are rarely happy with who we’ve become. It is easier to cast backwards glances at missed opportunities, should’ve and could’ve beens with the 20/20 hindsight of maturity. Ironically, such actions are immature as we are nowhere close to an age where time travel is a realistic possibility.

You said things you shouldn’t have, you drank too much one night, you tried too many shrooms, you stole, you let people take advantage, you took advantage, you never said sorry, you never said ‘I love you’. I am guilty of some of those things as we all are, but I am keenly aware of how that past determined my present.

And I am grateful for every part of that present.

Some Thoughts:

1. I stopped drinking coffee at night in order to have a chance at a good night’s sleep. I wish I was more like my wife who can drink the stuff and fall completely unconscious an hour later. I’m more of a 2-5 hour guy, meaning my resistance (either physical or psychological) to the coffee is much lower than hers.
2. Bad fantasy FB week on the way. There is still hope of 3-0, but it is fading fast. I’m going to stop touching my lineup before I end up doing something stupid.
3. It occurs to me that nudity and sexual attraction are 90% about power. The girl who open flaunts nudity is far less interesting than the one who it must be teased out of. Perhaps that is why we want nude shots of actresses so much, and why there was (and in some circles still is) such a rush to get these post-Disney and post-Nickelodean stars to get naked. Ariana Grande is just the latest to face that demand. Don’t give in, girl. I want to be able to watch your show with my kids and not go ‘blecch!’