My weight fluctuates like a heartbeat, with Asystole reading at a meager 208 before it leaps up to 216 and dives back below 204. I’d like to live at 190 with good knees, high school speed, and college attitude. I’d love to believe that all these things are possible, but it feels like this longing glance backwards is drag tethering me to an earth that is moving on without me. We are rarely happy with who we’ve become. It is easier to cast backwards glances at missed opportunities, should’ve and could’ve beens with the 20/20 hindsight of maturity. Ironically, such actions are immature as we are nowhere close to an age where time travel is a realistic possibility.
You said things you shouldn’t have, you drank too much one night, you tried too many shrooms, you stole, you let people take advantage, you took advantage, you never said sorry, you never said ‘I love you’. I am guilty of some of those things as we all are, but I am keenly aware of how that past determined my present.
And I am grateful for every part of that present.
Some Thoughts:
- I stopped drinking coffee at night in order to have a chance at a good night’s sleep. I wish I was more like my wife who can drink the stuff and fall completely unconscious an hour later. I’m more of a 2-5 hour guy, meaning my resistance (either physical or psychological) to the coffee is much lower than hers.
- Bad fantasy FB week on the way. There is still hope of 3-0, but it is fading fast. I’m going to stop touching my lineup before I end up doing something stupid.
- It occurs to me that nudity and sexual attraction are 90% about power. The girl who open flaunts nudity is far less interesting than the one who it must be teased out of. Perhaps that is why we want nude shots of actresses so much, and why there was (and in some circles still is) such a rush to get these post-Disney and post-Nickelodean stars to get naked. Ariana Grande is just the latest to face that demand. Don’t give in, girl. I want to be able to watch your show with my kids and not go ‘blecch!’