Day: November 5, 2015

You have to recognize that writing chose you.

This is a big deal. Not everyone in our universe has access to story. Even amongst those who do, only a few are talented and dedicated enough to turn story into art. It’s a gift. I know I go overboard about that stuff sometimes, but I do believe that writing is a gift the way that speed is a gift to runners or good aim is a gift to basketballers. They were born with something that set them apart from the rest of known humanity in the same way that you were born special. Often writers tell me the opposite of this. Anyone can learn how to be a good writer? Not true. I teach writing and I think I’m pretty darn good at it. Still, there are some people I just can’t reach. They will always be awful, no matter how many classes they take. On the other hand, those who have be chosen will be great so long as they allow themselves the time and dedication to be such.

 

So, you accept that this is meant to be, and then you get to work. You find time in your busy schedule every day to put words on the page. You stop making all the excuses about not having a moment to yourself. You realize the lies you tell yourself; the misconceptions that float up out of you and hang over your life like a dull haze are seen for what they truly are. Often the failure to capitalize on real talent is a function of fear and of lack of motivation. I am not afraid to be great, but I admit to struggling with motivation. I know that I’ve pulled the ‘not enough time’ card multiple times. I also know that I have four gaming systems in my house and each tracks time of usage. I pretend that I have to play them so they don’t feel unused; so I can justify their purchase. This is how I procrastinate and like to myself about how much time I really have in my life. This is also how I decompress after a tough day or even a tough bit of writing. See, the line between taking time to yourself in order to stay sane and stay the best version of you and taking time to yourself simply because it is easier than doing anything else is very thin. It takes a great deal of self-awareness to recognize which is which.

 

Finally, think about writing as a part of you. It isn’t just about being chosen. It is about following through. Its about deciding that this is actually important to you and, despite the moments of difficulty, this is something that is truly meaningful and impactful to your life. I mean that last part: your life. When we write for other people, we are writing in order to please some external force. However, writing is a deeply internal process. It is about looking into yourself and seeing the connection you have with the universe and putting that connection down on paper for posterity. You have to want to do it for you, because ultimately you are the one who needs to do the hard work of writing and you are the most important critic you will ever face.

Its been said before, but when people ask you ‘how are you feeling?’ I don’t think they really want an answer. They’re looking for platitudes. I’m fine. I’m doing well, and you? But if you step outside of the realm of acceptable answer to this social formality, the formality aspect of it begins to emerge more clearly.

 

“How are you?”

“I’m at peace with the universe.”

“Huh?”

 

“How are you?”

“I’m contemplating suicide.”

“Ummm… What?”

 

“How are you?”

“After that rape last night? Great!”

“…”

 

While these represent extreme cases, even the mildest of deviation can trigger confusion, as though both parties were reading from a script and someone screwed it up.

 

“How are you?”

“I’m straight up frisky.”

“Wait, what?”

 

“How are you?”

“I’m like a two today.”

“Wow, that’s too bad. Well, bye!” (avoids eye contact and scurries off)

 

As in the latter case, an indication that the asked party is not doing well can create social tension. Odds are you don’t neccesarily want to talk to a person and even moreso don’t want to be the shoulder to be cried on or ear to be lent. However, once the bad news is proffered one can’t help but feel trapped in what is likely to be a lengthy and emotional conversation. It is as if the social contract was not recognized as a mere formality and nicety but instead a genuine invitation to air one’s grievances against the world.

 

This, therefore, is the problem with how are you.

We need a new form of greeting that shows a clear dividing line between creating small talk and social niceness and actually wanting the answer to a question. Some of this division is mitigated by tone and body language. If someone asks you how you are and then say, turns away from you and walks into their office, they clearly couldn’t care less about how you really are. If they appear to be listening intently, they might be really good about the social cues and structures or they might actually care. It is hard to tell. I suggest a change of language. Perhaps say something along the line of, ‘how are things going in your life right now?’ Give that strong indicator that a genuine response is welcome.

 

Thus ends my lesson for the day.