Day: October 24, 2016

I’m not entirely sure how to start this one. I wanted to write something positive–perhaps about writing itself–but that emotion is not finding me today. Instead I’m typing against the background chorus of hundreds of fingers drumming out their own ten minute rule in the first ten minutes of my English class.

I started teaching with the one for one idea. I expected to find someone to replace me, figuring that if I could find one person with the passion to teach then they would not only succeed me, but they would elevate the teaching to the next level. It became my passion for a time. I found this really incredible girl named Rachel who was writer material as well as teacher material. We fell out of touch, so I never learned if she was ‘the one’. I did stumble across another student at a writing conference three years ago who had turned to the profession. She officially serves as ‘the one’ meaning I did my job here. I’ve replaced myself. What happens once you’ve been replaced? I find that I think about that in all aspects of my life.

I think that idea of replacement and of finding a path, purpose, challenge, point is weighing pretty heavy on my heart these days. Recently I had a deep and meaningful conversation that caused me to reflect on who I am and what I have done with my life. The results of that conversation both shocked and dismayed me. Over half way through my life arc I have not reached a point where I can say I replaced myself–three kids and a replacement teacher.

What I’ve done outside of self-replication is another matter entirely. It is the question that keeps me up at night.

Take a look at a blog from two years ago and you’ll find me in more or less in the same space I am now. Perhaps worse. The difference is a thunderous awareness of what is holding me back and, honestly, who I have been over the last twenty years or so. I think I had my own flashpoint back in college when I made choices that took me one direction as opposed to the other, and along the chosen path I sacrificed a lot of the passion I have for the important things in life.

Such as?

That is a post for another day, and a conversation that I need to develop more in order to determine how to move forward.

Some Thoughts:

1. Darelle Revis is having the worst year of his HOF football career. He has been horrible in coverage and worse as a tackler, both hallmarks of his game. 80% of balls thrown his way are completed passes. He’s given up short routes, first down routes, deep routes… He ought to give back his cleats.
2. If likes are the bellweather of the attention one gets online then I have received 0 attention since October 15th. I don’t always check these things and clearly don’t measure whether or not I write or what I write based on likes, but as a feeling human, it does suck.
3. As a writer, I have thick enough skin to deal.
4. We are on our way to the Semi-finals of the AZ-AYF Mighty Mite Youth Football Playoffs. That is a mouthful. We face the West Valley Bandits, last year’s national champions and the odds on favorite to do big things again this year. However, we have the better team. So long as we manage our players and stay healthy, we got this.