I’m not entirely sure how to start this one. I wanted to write something positive–perhaps about writing itself–but that emotion is not finding me today. Instead I’m typing against the background chorus of hundreds of fingers drumming out their own ten minute rule in the first ten minutes of my English class.
I started teaching with the one for one idea. I expected to find someone to replace me, figuring that if I could find one person with the passion to teach then they would not only succeed me, but they would elevate the teaching to the next level. It became my passion for a time. I found this really incredible girl named Rachel who was writer material as well as teacher material. We fell out of touch, so I never learned if she was ‘the one’. I did stumble across another student at a writing conference three years ago who had turned to the profession. She officially serves as ‘the one’ meaning I did my job here. I’ve replaced myself. What happens once you’ve been replaced? I find that I think about that in all aspects of my life.
I think that idea of replacement and of finding a path, purpose, challenge, point is weighing pretty heavy on my heart these days. Recently I had a deep and meaningful conversation that caused me to reflect on who I am and what I have done with my life. The results of that conversation both shocked and dismayed me. Over half way through my life arc I have not reached a point where I can say I replaced myself–three kids and a replacement teacher.
What I’ve done outside of self-replication is another matter entirely. It is the question that keeps me up at night.