I need to write first thing in the morning
The line above has become a refrain, as in poetry, where I repeat it time and time again in hopes the repetition solidifies a deeper understanding or announces another segment of the struggle. Make no mistake: The struggle is real. Except, I don’t really understand the struggle. Once I’ve set the appropriate conditions to write or have at least motivated myself to the laptop and started punching, curiously, at the keys, it all tends to happen. Sure, some days what comes out is terrifyingly useless, but it is words. There are more good days than bad days. Unfortunately, there are not very many days at all.
I’ve written and read about writing long enough to recognize that there are only a handful of variables that impact whether or not a person is a writer. To me, they are as follows: Confidence, motivation, external support, environment, organization, followthrough, and throughput.
Let’s talk about that last one for a few minutes. Throughput is defined by dictionary.com as “the amount of material or items passing through a system or process.” To me that represents everything that we as writer’s take in from the world and mold into our oft fictonal settings. I find this most transparent in song writers–especially rappers. Consider the brilliance of Kanye West when he was living at a lower social stratum, touring the world with groups of artists and, before that, living amongst the people and understanding and recognizing what real life looks like. He wrote about that stuff. As his fame grew, his throughput shrank until eventually he became another insulated Kardashian and entirely forgot how the real world functions. Why? No throughput. No access to the real world materials that artists thrive on. In many ways success is it’s own tomb. So is being extremely busy–if you let it. I find that my throughput is shrinking due to focusing on the menial and repetitive daily chores that define my day to day life. My world has shrunk and my throughput has done accordingly. As a result I need to create more opportunities to step away from that insular pattern and see. I also need to look at that pattern itself and find the value in that day to day and what it too can bring to the page.